Pantala Naga Pampa

Vive!

2012-01-25T12:54:00.001-07:00

Since I work at a French language and cultural center and I constantly surrounded by Francophones and Franophiles...basically many Frenchys. I found this article on how the French raise children very interesting and true. We offer French classes for children as small as 1-2 years old through teen age years. There are always a bunch of kids here. Let-me-tell-you. The difference between the behavior of the children from the French mothers and the children from the American mothers is pretty shocking. French children are generally quiet, polite and sweet. And...sadly the American kids are loud and no-so-polite all of the time. It's a good read and a good reminder.

Daughters

2012-01-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I attended Glenn's funeral. (See earlier post). It was awful. Beside the fact that such a young man died, (I found out he did commit suicide by jumping to his death). The worst of the worst was watching his 4 year old daughter deal with the death of her father. She made funny faces every time people looked at her. She was just trying in the only way she knew to deal with the pain...by making faces. Adults can't process such a tragedy....how can a 4 year old deal? When her family would cry she would jump off the pew and run a picture she had colored over to them. She was trying to help the adults through their pain....as she was in pain too. She put a picture of a soccer ball on her dad's coffin. I bawled. I kept thinking why was the 4 year old at the funeral? I think she's too young to go through that. Too young.

Glenn's girlfriend made a big scene at the start of the funeral. His ex wife and daughter were sitting in the front row on the right side of the church. The first 3 rows on the left side of the church were completely open. The girlfriend had the funeral director go up to the ex wife and ask her to move to the other rows because the gf wanted to sit in those particular front row seats. It was embarrassing. The funeral director said, "his family would like these seats, please move over." The ex wife said, "we ARE his family. I'm his ex wife and this is his daughter." They moved and my heart broke.

I only hope they all find peace.

JoPa

2012-01-23T13:03:00.003-07:00

Joe Paterno died over the weekend at the age of 85. I watched as seemingly intelligent people posted their condolences on facebook. Saying he will be missed and was a great man. I beg to differ. You are only as great as your worst act. His actions or in-actions are unforgivable. What about the young boys who were forever scarred by what happened? What about them? They are not "resting in peace" or being honored by people for their legacy. Everytime I see his face on tv my stomach hurts. He's not a winner, he's a cowardly loser. Ok. Rant over. End scene.

Darling

2012-01-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

Since I worked in radio for 15 years, I am often entertained how ass-backwards that business is all the time. I also have to laugh at how incestuous radio is...and always has been. An OLD radio "darling" is back on the air here. She used to be a part of a big time morning show back in the 90's. She got a big head and moved to LA because she was too big for this place. So she blew this popsicle stand (and everything in its way)...and headed west. Well in LA she crashed and burned in an ugly way. Worked at a couple small markets here and there where she crashed and burned there too. I am not usually this mean about people who crash and burn (we all fail)...but this girl is someone I knew...and there's history there.

I actually hung out with her socially during the hey-days at her former show in the 90s. Not because we were great friends per se but she was good friends with another girl. I liked her...she was fun to be around....don't get me wrong. But this radio "diva" would write down the things that we did out partying then use our names on the air but change all the details to be more juicy. Oh joy. Explaining that to my mom was fun. And, I always felt like the star of an After School Special when we were out. "No, I don't DO DRUGS." Over and over again. Ha. Anyway. She’s a hot mess. And working in the same building with her again (a few years back when I was still in radio) she was the same as always, about one step away from imploding. Anyway. She's back on the air here...and I smell burning. I think her act worked when she was younger….but not now. When she started on the show she was fresh faced and everyone loved watching/listening to her adventures. In fact, I remember being in a meeting back in the day and they described the show with with her former co-hosts as The Dick, The Dork and The Darling. Now, she’s no darling… just coo coo for cocoa puffs. Maybe the only entertaining part of the show will be listening to her cat fight with her current co-hosts, and that is only entertaining for about 10 minutes…and then yawn. I guess time will tell.

Glenn

2012-01-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

A friend from work died a few days ago. He was a member of our board of directors....and I really liked him. He was a few years older than me and had more money than anyone else I know. He had a pent house in downtown overlooking the baseball field. In fact, I joked with him that the patio at his pent house was bigger than my whole condo. (It was) This pent house was not his main home....just where he liked to hang out once in a while. His main home was in Castle Pines next door to many Denver Broncos. I was at a party at the Castle Pines mansion this summer. He showed me his car "museum". He had a Lamborghini, Mercedes, Porsche SUV and a classic Ford. OK. I will stop, my friend Glenn was loaded.

No one has really told me (nor to people know) the whole story of how a 44 year old man died so young. I know a few things. I know he fell to his death off the patio at his pent house downtown. I have heard he and his girlfriend were fighting before he died. Lots of talking and rumors flying around. Some think he jumped. Some think he fell. Some think she pushed him. It's all so fraught. Part of me really needs to know how he died. I'm not sure why...but I do. I think I can process his death that way. Maybe make sense of it? I dunno. I don't think we will ever know the truth. My heart hurts for his family. I only mentioned how much money Glenn had to highlight how money doesn't buy happiness. It sure makes things easier...but not happier. I really hope he didn't jump. I think that would suck more than anything.

Butterfly

2012-01-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

We went to the Butterfly Pavilion today. Ava freaking loves butterflies. Every time she sees a butterfly in a book or outside, she starts saying "butterfly, butterfly, butterfly". It's really quite sweet. This place is really cool. They have a room where the butterflies are flying around you. One actually landed on Todd and was hitchhiking around on his shirt.

I found it fascinating the immense amount of change a butterfly goes through in such a short period of time. They start out as an egg that is laid on a leaf. In a few weeks that egg turns into a caterpillar. That caterpillar eats his face off for a couple weeks and then creates a cocoon. They grow in that cocoon for a few weeks and become a beautiful butterfly. The sad thing is that these beautiful butterflies only live a few weeks. It's ironic that they spend a 3/4 of their lives trying to become a butterfly....something beautiful....and then only live a few more weeks. Anyway. Just made me think about how important it is to live each day and moment....because you never know how long you really have.

Forty

2011-10-20T10:08:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Todd's 40th birthday. He said the sweetest thing at dinner last night. He said that on his 34th birthday he remembered feeling blue and wondering what his life would be like when he turned 40. He said he NEVER thought he would have a beautiful (awe) wife and daughter by 40. He said that is a lot to accomplish in 6 years. *tear*

Porn

2011-10-20T10:03:00.000-06:00

I work at French school. We often have people bring donated books by for our library. Last week we got a call from a gentleman who said he had many beautiful French photo magazines he wanted to donate. The gentleman and his sweet and quiet wife brought the "photo" magazines by. There were about 100+ of them. I thanked them and said we would get good use of them in our library. The wife shot me a funny look...which I didn't understand....UNTIL....I pulled one of the "photo" magazines out. Whoa nelly. Porn. Not Hustler like porn. But very naked men and women everywhere....but yes, the "words" were in French....but damn. Our whole staff laughed and laughed. I keep laughing when I think of the look his wife shot me...and the way the gentleman said, "these are very cherished photo magazines but I needed to get rid of them. I couldn't bare throwing them away." Good lord. The photo magazines are safe and sound in the back closet here...but we keep joking about what to do with them. The French. They are very funny.

Name

2011-10-05T14:36:00.000-06:00

Enough people have asked me what the name of my blog means that I feel it's time for an explanation. Pantala Naga Pampa is a four-line song by the Dave Matthews Band on the "Before These Crowded Streets" album.

Come and relax now.

Put your troubles down.

No need to bear the weight of your worries.

You let them all fall away.

I have heard two translations to this phrase. First, the phrase is Gambian for "Welcome to our (my) home." It is also translated into "I have a python in my pants" in Indian. The first translation is more appropriate for my blog. However, who doesn't want a python in their pants? Ha.

As far as why Dave named this classic song as he did, the story goes that there was an Indian chef who cooked for the band during the recording of "Crash", who would shout out "pantala naga pampa" for reasons that were not entirely clear to anyone. This apparently cracked Dave up, who would shout it out back to the chef. When the instrumental piece appeared on "Before These Crowded Streets" as the first track, the song needed a name for the CD's track listing. Dave, who may (or may not) have then known what the phrase meant, thought that it would be funny to title the track "Pantala Naga Pampa." And so he did. And so did I.

Coupon

2011-10-05T14:32:00.002-06:00

I have a Burger King close to my work. Generally, I only go there to buy a soda for the road. Who needs the calories or the stomach ache right? Anyway. Last time I was there to buy a soda they asked me if I wanted to buy a coupon book and support this local school. Sure. I tossed the coupon book in my purse and forgot about it. Today I was starving and needed a quick bite between appointments. I swung into Burger King. I decided I would get a Whopper Jr (no onions), fry and soda. Bad girl. Anyway. I see that the Value Meal is $3.59. I show the girl at the counter my "coupon" for a free fry and order the burger and the drink. She says, "that will be $5.62." Whoa. I asked her why so much? A freaking Value Meal is $3.59. She explains that when I order the things separate it's more expensive...but that is the only way to use the "coupon"....can't do Value Meal price. OK. I know it's the lunch hour and no one wants to see me get up on my high-horse...over a couple bucks...but I did. The manager came over and I explained the situation and how the math didn't add up. My meal ended up being $3.00....but I am pretty sure it came with a free booger.

Bonding

2011-10-05T14:24:00.001-06:00

Ava moved to a bigger classroom at daycare last week. I was freaked (on the inside). We just got her settled in the other room. I didn't want to pull the rug out from under her....again. She is doing ok in the bigger kid room....and she is really tired by the end of the day. Today, her teacher asked me if it was ok if she played with Ava's hair as a way of bonding with her. I said, "hell yes, and you can play with MY hair too....I think we need to bond as well." She was a little shocked I said that...and laughed nervously. Oooops. Oh well, she will get used to me....just in time to have Ava move to a bigger room...and I can shock her new teacher too. I foresee this behavior embarrassing Ava in a few years. She too will get used to me.

Risk

2011-09-20T15:56:00.000-06:00

Whenever making a change, I try to measure the risk versus the reward. I took a big risk at my new job. I cancelled our Fall fundraising event because I felt it had run its course and it was time for something new. I got several furrowed brows and 2nd guessing for cancelling the event. I begged for the board of directors and staff to just trust me. Huge risk. If these classes flopped...I would have egg on my face big time. I measured the risk versus reward and moved ahead. My new educational wine tasting classes would be a ton more money and a ton less work....in my calculations. I am pleased to report that the Sept class is sold out and both October and November are on their way. Revenue is way up and people are happy....especially me. I love to be right.

Waaaaaa-Wa-Wa-Waaaaa-Wa

2011-09-15T15:42:00.000-06:00

I was just sending a fax at work and my young early-20-something (hot) French intern was laughing at the noise this old fax machine makes. It makes that same ol dial-up connection noise. Waaaaa-Waa-Waaaaaaa-Waaa. Anyway. I asked him if he remembers hearing that noise when logging onto a computer years ago. He said yes, but when he was a kid. Right. I started telling him how much change I have seen in my 16 year career. My first job at KOSI in 1994 I had a phone and a typewriter on my desk. There were 2 computers in the building but they were for Sales Assistants only. By the way....I had to explain what a typewriter is/was to him. I told him that I had to beg and plead with my General Manager at KOSI to get a website for the radio station. He said to me...and I quote, "Oh Emily, I don't believe that www(dot) thing is going to catch on." Oh my. How things have changed.

Perma-grin

2011-09-14T14:51:00.000-06:00

My reunion was an absolute blast. Lots of late nights (hi, up until 4 am), laughs, tears and liquor. Good times. I was so happy to be sitting and chatting with my girls that I had a perma-grin for 3 days straight. My anxiety about having to re-tell my Coach horror stories was not needed. I wasn't asked but a few times and I was cool about telling a story here and there. What a great weekend.

I flew home on the 10th anniversary of 9-11. My parents were kinda freaking...and probably because my dad worked for Joint Terrorism Task Force-Homeland Security for so long. The airport had this silent-air about it. No one was saying it but everyone was thinking it. It was eery in a way. Most people whispered. And security was extra extra extra extra tight. I was ok with the tight security. Pretty sure that was the safest day ever to fly.

I was so excited to see Ava and Todd. When I hopped in the car at the airport and tried to kiss Ava she was shocked to see me...then turned her head away when I asked for a kiss. She was pissed at me. No smile...just a sad furrowed brow. She's only 1 1/2 years old. All that night she only wanted Todd. She would freak if I left the room...but wouldn't let me hold her or kiss her. Silly girl. Broke my heart. The next morning I heard her calling my name....mama....mama....mama. I went in her room and she started jumping up and down so happy to see me and so full of kisses. That's my girl. We had a great say playing & cuddling. Back. To. Normal. Phew.

DSM

2011-09-07T17:07:00.000-06:00

I leave tomorrow for a weekend trip to Des Moines, Iowa. A trip alone. No husband. No kid. Just me and my college softball buddies. I am both anxious and excited.

Excited-
I am excited about two nights of uninterrupted sleep. Ha. I am excited to see my college softball girls....every time I see my girls... I laugh so much my sides hurt and I'm sore from laughing for days. Good times.

Anxious-
One thing I am anxious about is the fact that my ol teammates love to tell stories or ask me to tell stories about the mean & nasty things my college coach did to me. I can handle some of the more amusing stories...like when she kicked me out of practice because she couldn't hit a ground ball past me....and boy she tried....and tried...threw her bat at me...and kicked me out....I rock....just call me "the wall"....ha. Anyway. But I get tired of people thinking some of the things she did to me were funny...or that I want to relive them over and over....20 years later. The things she did to me were down right abusive....physically and emotionally. My teammates call me "Bad Dog"...our team mascot is a Bulldog. Clever. Anyway. I remember the first time Todd came to my reunion and he was listening to story after story of things my coach would do to me. He pulled me aside and asked if the stories were true. Sadly. Yes. He was astonished and said I should have pressed charges against her and/or beat the shit out of her. Maybe I should have...maybe not. I do know one thing for sure that bitch-on-wheels made me tough as nails....and it served me well in my career and my life. And for that I thank her. I also thank her for the excellent education I received with my scholarship. And I truly thank her to recruiting me to play softball at Drake because I met the best friends....lifelong friends. Thankful.

Fans

2011-09-05T19:54:00.000-06:00

Broncos are #1! Love this picture!

Saints

2011-09-05T19:50:00.000-06:00

Our neighbors 2 doors down have 2 adopted children. A girl who is 2...almost 3 and a boy who is 1 almost 2. They are biological 1/2 brother and sister. They share a birthday in December. They are the cutest kids...and so happy....even though they both had a tough tough tough beginning in life. It is clear that both have some delays or learning issues. The mom told me that their biological mom has 8 kids. Four of the kids are "missing" and they government tied her tubes after the youngest boy was born. Sad. Sigh. Anyway. We were playing with the neighbor kids at the park this afternoon. The parents are so sweet and wonderful....saints. As their sweet daughter was running circles around the playground the mom was telling us that when they got her as a foster child, doctors said she would never walk. They were right....she doesn't walk.....she RUNS! :) I felt so happy and warm inside watching the love in their family. The saints 2 doors down adopted 2 kids who clearly will have some challenges and showed them love. In a loving home they are making huge developmental milestones. So happy to watch those kids grow and bring joy to the world. Love. Powerful medicine.

Crazy

2011-08-24T09:48:00.001-06:00

Crazy that I haven't posted in over a month. I need to be better. I think of things to write about all of the time and don't make time.

I feel like we are getting into the swing of adjusting to our new schedule now that I am back to work. I don't feel a ton of anxiety every morning afraid I forgot to do something. I like routine in the mornings. Ava is enjoying school and learning new things all the time. She is a little chatter box (shock) and I encourage her to talk. I may be sorry someday...and wanting to play the game..."let's-see-who-can-be-quiet-the-longest".

My job is going really well. I have made some significant changes to the way things work in my department...now I just need those changes to work. I cancelled some annual events this Fall that didn't make much if any money and replaced them with a series of Educational French Wine Tasting Classes. I think we will attract a younger crowd and a new audience. Fingers crossed. Sales are slow...but pacing well.

On my drive into work today I smiled as I thought of the people in my life. I only surround myself with people who truly love me and fill my soul. I have successfully "weeded my garden" of negative "friends" and people who EXPECT me to do certain things for them without asking or saying a simple thank you. I feel fully loved...and I love fully.

Ava has been having restless nights of sleep for the past week. She is teething like it's her full-time job. This morning I felt 4 new molars coming in. Several times a night, she wakes up and calls for me. I give her some oragel and I hold her. When she falls asleep I lay her back in bed. She's a sweet girl. The other night I was exhausted and so tired but I reminded myself that I have to cherish this time in her life. She will only be this little for a short while....so little that she can lay on my chest and sleep on my shoulder. *tears streaming* I laugh now because I kept kissing her as I was thinking about this...and she gave me one kiss...and then told me no more kisses mama....I want to sleep....by turning her head away from me.

Life is grand.

Rest

2011-07-20T16:58:00.000-06:00

My big event was on Saturday...and it was a great success. We had a 28% yoy increase in revenue. Not bad for something I put together in 3 months working part time. I worked my ever-loving-ass off in the weeks prior. Sick amount of hours....so I was hardly part time. Ha.

Sunday after the event I had planned to hang with Todd and Ava. I planned a gorgeous dinner and we were gonna watch a movie....cuddle....snuggle and relax. Around 3 pm, Todd went upstairs to take a nap and Ava and I went outside to swim in her pool. We came in about an hour later to discover that the power was out. It's eery how quiet our house was without the hum of the fishtanks and the AC. We got on line and found out that a huge sink hole happened on a main road by our house that had knocked power out to all of our city. The website told us that they were working to get power back on for all. We went out to dinner and when we came home saw that they had restored power to part of our neighborhood. Hope! By 9 pm we didn't have power and it was hot in our house. Did I mention that it was almost 100 degrees that day? Hot. Ava would NOT go to sleep. So Ava and I loaded up the car and headed to my parent's house. Todd stayed behind to watch our food and take care of the animals. Lucky for us that since I had been working so much there wasn't that much food in the house. Really not what I had planned for our family night. Power came back on around midnight. Grrr. It's amazing how dependent we are on power. I felt Amish.

I took today off and am trying to catch up on some rest. I slept in...Todd took Ava to daycare....I got a massage....then went to the farmers market...then came home and napped for 3 hours. I am now of course sick...bad cough and sore throat. Sweet. Ava is at daycare right now and I feel guilty having her there when I am home....but I need rest.

F

2011-06-17T14:52:00.000-06:00

We got an invitation from Ava's school for a Father's Day party this afternoon. On the front it says, "Your Invited". Really? I own invited? What is an invited? F - a big red F. You're is you are. Your is possessive. I really have a huge pet peeve for this. This is the daycare and highly accredited school we rip up 100 bills each week so she can be a part of their educational system? Scared.

Clichés

2011-05-18T13:32:00.000-06:00

I speak using clichés all the time. I didn't realize this until recently. At my new job, 99% of the employees are French. They all speak like 4 languages. At work I have to really check my use of clichés at the door. Ha. I have found that many American phrases are lost in translation with the French. In one of my first staff meetings I said, "We are really behind the 8-ball on this event." And they all giggled. No one would tell me what was funny. I explained the American phrase or cliché for "behind the 8-ball" refers to the game of pool or billiards and the position of the cue ball in a tough spot...behind the 8-ball. More giggles. OK. I'm pretty sure they think I am an avid drug user. So anyway... this same thing has happened a few more times. The other day I said, "trying to find a needle in a haystack". Giggles. I'm sure they think... what in the hell is she talking about someone shooting up in a barn? And another drug reference. Or "Not to beat a dead horse." I'm sure they thought....this girl is crazy, likes to hurt animals...and what is up with her obsession with farms and farm animals? And just today I said, "It's raining like cats and dogs out there." Again. More animals and totally lost in translation. Even I don't know what the hell it really means to rain like cats and dogs. Hum.

Birds

2011-05-04T08:46:00.000-06:00

This going back to work, being a part time stay-at-home mom and being sick all the time thing is for the birds. So tired of being tired and sick. Sick and tired. Ha. I had the longest day yesterday. Got to work and was busy all day. They are getting full-time work out of me...for this part time job. Then at 5:15 pm I am grabbing my purse to go pick up Ava and one of our board members walks in my office and plops down to chat. She has a 6 pm French class here and just wanted to say hi. Dammit. I try to politely tell her I need to go pick up my daughter, but she wasn't catching my drift. Ava was at my parent's house yesterday so I knew I could be a wee bit late. They won't charge me a $1 a minute for being late...like daycare does. Ha. Anyway I finally get released from my hostage situation and rush for the door. Traffic was ridiculous. And THEN as I am merging onto I-25 from 6th Avenue this stupid guy on a motorcycle cuts ME off, then flips ME off and I miss my exit. Oh well...I go to the next one and turn around but it added 15 minutes to my already long drive. THEN as I am getting close to home I witness a car accident right in front of me and decide to pull over and give my statement. Thank goodness no one was hurt. I didn't get home until 7:30 pm. Poor Ava. She was OVER it and tired. And so was I. Cheers to a better day today! :)

Easter

2011-04-25T15:15:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was Ava's 2nd Easter. She was 5 days old last Easter. So now, she's been in our world for at least ONE of every holiday. Just buidling memories here peeps. Here's a few cute pictures of our girl on Easter. She's a cutie patootie.

Village

2011-04-25T15:11:00.000-06:00

I have the most amazing friends in the world. I feel blessed to have such a great group of people in my life. I have been feeling a little isolated somedays because we live so far from everyone. I know my friends would do anything for me and I would do anything for them. Sadly my very bestest friends live pretty far away. Although I know they would be here as fast as possible if I needed them and visa versa...I wish they lived closer. I have always wished we had cool neighbors to hang out with on weekends. Or friends for Ava that are close to us. Just hasn't been in the cards....until recently. My friend Rene` introduced me to her childhood best friend Carolyn. She lives literally 5 minutes away. Her husband Jay is so cool and they have a 5 year old daughter. We have done several things with them and they rock. Carolyn watches Ava from time to time....like today. I had a dentist appointment and instead of having to drive so far to have family watch her for an hour, Carolyn watched her. Ava loves Carolyn and never cries when she is there. Today I called Carolyn after my dentist appointment and she said that Ava was sleeping and I should go run an errand. So I ran to Target to pick up a few things. While I was there I ran into a childhood friend of mine, Michelle. She said, "What are you doing out here?" And I said, "I live out here!" We both laughed and talked of how far we live from everyone. We exchanged phone numbers. Yay! A few weeks back I found out that an old friend of mine from radio, Julie, lives right up the street from us. Another friend. Close. It takes a village they say and I am rebuilding my village close to home.

Born

2011-04-17T08:40:00.000-06:00

I'm addicted to that show "One Born Every Minute". I dvr record it and watch it when Todd is not home or sleeping. He is not amused about a show about women giving birth. I watch the show and cry. I am sure that is another reason why Todd doesn't like watching this show with me either. Shock. Ha. Sometimes watching the show makes me want to have another baby so bad. Because Ava's birth was a c-section, we missed out on that delivery experience. Where the doctor lays the baby on your chest and you get to hold them and kiss them moments after their birth day. I had a bad c-section and had a flurry of docs around me because of my issues during the surgery. And Ava was whisked off to the NICU. I didn't see her for over 5 hours after she was born. I really wish we had that bonding moment right after she was born. In the big picture I feel blessed she is here and healthy. But I can still wish I would have had a more natural experience. So. I watch this show and get over it.

Flu

2011-04-12T13:51:00.000-06:00

I started my new job last week in the midst of one of the toughest weeks I have had in a while. My schedule is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. OK. Monday, Ava woke up with her first illness...stomach flu. Blech. We ironically already had an appointment at her doctor for that morning. Ava puked all over me sitting in the doctor's office. Poor boo. Then she puked all over me again later that afternoon. I was starting my new job and nervous about leaving a sick baby. Tuesday, Todd came home from work with the stomach flu. He has never taken even one day of sick leave in 8 years at this job...so I knew he was really sick. My parents watch Ava on Tuesdays so they had her the 2nd day of her flu. She seemed to do ok, didn't puke again and didn't have a fever so I took her to school on Wednesday. Todd stayed home from work on Wednesday...really really sick. I go to day 2 of my new job only to puke all over my office in the afternoon. Sweet. I went home early. I puked all the way home out my car door. Ava had an awful day at school/day care and cried most of the day unless someone was holding her. I got her home on Wednesday and both Todd and I are siiiiiick. Sucky. It was tough to care for Ava because we both were so wiped out. And she was so clingy after being at school...she just wanted to be held...and we both just wanted to puke. Thursday, I'm feeling better and Todd is doing ok. I go to work, and Todd only makes it a few hours before he was home again. Ava had another challenging day at school. Sigh. Then the shitstorm of other tough things starts. My best friend's dad passed away. :( My grandpa went into the hospital and was/is not doing well. My parents had to put their dog Shelby to sleep...she was very ill and 17 years old. Our toilet broke (money we don't have to fix blah). And so on and so on. One thing after another. At one point I looked at Todd and said, I didn't think I could take any more.

And on an amazing note, my sister had her 2nd child and she's wonderful happy and healthy. SO wonderful. Her birth kept me going. I missed her birth because we had been so sick and I would never want to expose her to an icky sickness. I was so broken up about missing her birth. I wanted to be there sooo bad. Sigh.

Things are going better now....and I know that God will only give me what He knows I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Anxiety

2011-04-04T14:37:00.000-06:00

I start my new job tomorrow. Besides having the normal starting-a-new-job jitters....I am really nervous about all the change in OUR lives. My job schedule affects me, Todd, Ava, my parents and even our pets. Ava will be with my parents on Tuesdays...and at school Weds and Thursdays. Change. The dog and cat have gotten really used to having people around all of the time. Fine. They will adjust. Todd will have to get up earlier for work and working late will not be a possibility some nights. Sigh. And I will have some night and weekend events to run. More change. To add insult to injury Ava woke up late today and she had puked sometime this morning. Boo. She didn't even cry after she puked. Poor boo. I got her up fed her breakfast and she was acting like she felt fine. Then sitting at her 1-year old doctor visit this morning she puked all over me. Poor girl. I hope she's not getting sick after only being in school 2, 1/2 days last week. I am having anxiety. I'm the one who wanted to go back to work and my need is making so many people's lives different. I need to take a deep breath. I need a pep talk.

Teak

2011-03-31T12:00:00.001-06:00

I love Craigslist. Love it. We buy and sell stuff on it all the time. I think it's silly to pay retail for some things. I just posted a rocking chair and Ava's musical jumper for sale. We're not using it, time to get some money for it. Anyway. We are going to sell our Teak desk too. Before we had Ava, our 2nd bedroom was an office/guest room. Cut to today... Ava's room has all of her stuff...and also has this gi-norm-ous teak desk with our computer and printer. She needs more room, we are going to buy a laptop. Time to sell the desk. I get online and start searching to get a price range for this teak desk. It is really a gorgeous piece of furniture, but we don't have room for it...and I want a laptop. I discover that this desk that WE bought on Craigslist for $150 is worth....a....lot....more. I found it being sold for anywhere from $699 to $490....plus shipping. Holy moly. If you have time...google....Domino Mobler Mid-Century Modern Teak Desk. Think we need to ask for more than $150 huh?

J-O-B

2011-03-30T10:21:00.000-06:00

I got a job. Yes-sir-ree. I'm the Marketing and Development Director at Alliance Francaise, a local French school. It's an event planning, marketing, social media, website, sales and sponsorship position. Perfect. Its 3 days a week (Tues, Weds & Thurs) and I am thrilled. I will be taking French classes to become fluent again. Kinda excited to practice my French again. Kinda excited to wear something other than yoga pants everyday. Kinda excited.

Birthday!

2011-03-30T10:14:00.001-06:00

Today is Ava's 1st birthday. I danced all around the house this morning singing, "Hey Shorty, it's your birfday, we're gonna party like it's your birfday!" Ava laughed at first, but then I could see my antics were wearing thin on her and she started to furrow her brow at me every time. Ha. That reaction actually fueled my fire so I sung louder and longer. If we can't embarrass our kids what good are we? Ahhhh Ava. I remember this day last year....I am so thankful for my sassy, sweet, beautiful, smart and amazing daughter.

OK...the tale of 2 mornings...

I just got back from dropping Ava off for her "trial run" day at daycare. She will be there through lunch and naptime and I will go pick her up at 2 pm. I feel awful doing it on her birthday...but sometimes.... timing just sucks. I start my new job next week (I will post on that later) :) Anyway. I cried as I was packing up her stuff. I was a hot mess. Sobbing like a 1st grader with a skinned knee. Blech. OK. I got it together before Ava got up for the day (she loves her sleep). I got her all ready and loaded up in the car. I drove to the daycare and I could feel my hands shaking. Sigh. I took her into Miss Olga's room. Got her set up. Kissed her goodbye....and slipped out the door. I turned to run back in and grab her....and another mom saw/caught me. I smiled, turned and rushed past her. She said, "You know, it does get easier." I BURST into tears. I started telling her in a squeaky rambling voice that only dogs and dolphins could understand that today was my first drop off and today is her birthday and I start a new job next week and I feel awful doing her test run on her birthday and I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying. Good freaking Lord. I hurried past her and hopped in my car and cried and cried...that ugly cry where your face gets all red and distorted. Yup. That's me. I drove to the Starbucks down the street and then sat in my car. I'm sure I looked like a psycho. I started to drive home and turned around and drove past her daycare again...and again. And then I could hear myself say outloud, "Emily, get your shit together, sheesh!" And I drove home. I pick her up in 3 hours and 50 minutes. I bet they have an office pool at the daycare as to how many times I will call....and how long it will take for me to call the first time. Pretty sure.

MOD

2011-03-24T22:01:00.000-06:00

I met some amazing people during my time at March of Dimes. I think the woman that affected me the most was Kim. Kim gave birth to twins prematurely and lost both girls after days and weeks of struggle and fighting for their lives. Their names where Addison and Makenze. I remember the first time she came to a volunteer meeting at MOD after losing the girls. She sat at the table and cried the entire time.....almost like it was the first time she had let loose. She bawled in fact. Right there in the meeting. There were many hugs offered up....and she refused... she just wanted to be left alone and listen....and deal with her loss. She wanted to help others to help heal her own heart. She needed to cry. She wanted to help raise money for research so another mother would never have to endure the loss she had lived. No one cries alone in my presence...so I had to conduct the meeting with tears streaming down my cheeks the entire time. Sigh.

Kim and I got close quick. She is my age and very cool...very hip...I love her. I remember seeing her stand at our In Memoriam Of Wall at our big annual event...and I watched her as she quietly wrote the names of her daughters on pieces of paper and placed them gingerly on the wall. She bawled. I bawled from afar. I waited for her to finish and hugged her as long as she would let me....I would have hugged forever. Kim and her sweet hubs now have 2 daughters....gorgeous girls. People who have never had a hard time getting or staying pregnant....or have never experienced the loss of a pregnancy...or worse yet...the death of a baby....really can't understand. They try...but they can't.

Jif

2011-03-23T08:18:00.000-06:00

That Jif commercial where the boy makes his own lunch and then a lunch for his mom makes me crazy. The mom says, "You made your own lunch!" Then the boy says, "I made something for you too Mom. The bus is here....I gotta go!" OK. What was the boy going to HAVE for lunch if he DIDN'T make his own....MOM? The bus was there and he needed to leave. The mom didn't get it done. Sorry. The ad agency for that commercial should be fired. Every time I see it I shake my head.

Wind

2011-03-22T11:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Ava and I went for a great walk. It was sunny and 70 degrees. Perfect. We got about 3 miles down the trail....and ran into another parent out with his kids. He said, "it's it gorgeous out. I thought it was supposed to crazy windy today." I agreed and we went on our way. Just then.... it was like God said, "really? I will show you wind! POOOOWWWW!" Awful hurricane force winds kicked up. Holy crap. I had to walk/run uphill for 3 miles pushing a 20 lb kid in a stroller that is NOT wind resistant in head on wicked wind. Ava was protected with the cover on her stroller...which by the way made the stroller even LESS wind resistant....but she was still not happy. It took me 30 minutes to get home. I was dripping with sweat and so tired. Today my legs are not sore...just so tired. What a workout. Blah! I hate wind. So much for a nice walk....blech...wind. Pffffff.

Update

2011-03-21T18:01:00.000-06:00

Oh my sweet Ava. She is a few days away from being one! She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me smile and my heart soar when I am blue. She has a heart of gold. I love her so much. She's cruising around the furniture and will walk any day. She just cut 2 teeth. And her favorite word is "daddy" (mine too). She has 3 words "Daddy", "Mama" and "Doggie". At this moment she just woke up from her nap and I can hear her calling me...."Mmmmmmmmmmama!" "Mmmmmmmmmmmammmmmmma!" Time to go kiss my girl. xxxx

Daycare

2011-03-21T17:55:00.000-06:00

I'm researching daycare options again. I am getting close on a job I really want. Now they have to show me the money. I'm worth it. Anyway. Daycare is highway robbery. Now get this - 2 days a week (my parents are doing one day a week of our daycare) is $190. Ok. That's $95 a day. Really? Full time day care is $265. Now I may not be a math genius, but I do own a calculator. That's $53 a day. So full time is only $75 bucks more? Now that is a bunch of malarky. Don't they understand that part time people make much less? MUCH less. I could hire an in home nanny for that price....which we may do. I have more research to do...but I am in the wrong business.

Sun

2011-03-14T11:18:00.000-06:00

It's supposed to be 68 degrees today. Ava and I are gonna go for a walk in the sun. Yay!

We had such a busy weekend. I went to Erin's baby shower. She is having twin girls. It was such a fun shower. In the past...I have generally not enjoyed baby showers. I have always tried to figure out why....maybe it's the silly shower games, the squealing women when every present is opened...or maybe because I soooo wanted to have a baby. I still don't know for sure. I DO know that I had a great-fab-wonderful time at Erin's shower. Yes, I have a baby now, maybe that is it. But truly I think it was because it was hosted at a cool French restaurant. The company was very nice. And...I am so freaking happy for Erin. Seriously....so happy. Besides MY shower...I have loved this shower the most of all. Good times.

After the shower, I hurried home scooped up my family and darted down to Littleton for my Grandpa Cheever's 89th birthday party. Wow....89....I hope to be so lucky to live so long. I love him so.

Sunday the fun continued with a brunch with the ex-radio-geeks. Paul, Sharon, Katie, Christine, Sadie, Julie, Adam, Olivia, Max, Fizz, Sarah, Delilah, Todd, Ava...and me. Of that group of ex-radio-geeks...only Adam still works in radio. It was such fun and we laughed a lot. It was fun to watch our kids all play together. At one point I sat back and enjoyed the fact that we all have been friends for so long. We have all seen so many different phases of our lives together. Good friends.

I feel blessed.

Reminder

2011-03-14T10:33:00.002-06:00

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying of cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day be cause my hair had just been done.

I would have sat on the lawn and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.'

There would have been more I love you's. More I'm sorry's.

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it, and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Laptop

2011-03-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

My sister let me borrow her laptop so that I can job search when Ava is sleeping. I set up the wifi connection in our house and I am offffff! I am so excited. I spend 2 hours today searching and applying for jobs. I have a 2nd interview tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I haven't been on a computer this long with Ava here...well...never. It has been a good day. I have gotten caught up on so much stuff. I even found a mom's group by me and RSVP'ed for a play date for next week. Ava really needs more social interaction with other kids. I mean...I am one hellva playmate for her...but I always share and never push her around. She needs to learn to play with other kids. I am excited for the new things in our lives. And...now I have internet access....I will be able to blog when I want. I often think...I want to blog about this that or the other...and then forget. Life is good.

Valentine

2011-02-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

We stayed in for Valentine's Day last night. It was a Monday. And. It was a Monday. We decided to do take-out Sushi (my fav) for dinner last night. I called and called our local Sushi joint to place our order, no answer. It's just a few blocks away so I hopped in the car to drive over. It was packed. Every table was full. None of the folks at the tables had food or drink. Angry faces. There was a line 20+ deep to be helped. The phone was ringing off the hook. It was loud and full of sounds of angry voices. There was no love in the air. Ha. They only had 2 Sushi chefs, one gal behind the counter and one gal "waiting" on tables. An A+ mess. I left. Sad. Sushi is such a treat these days. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I drove home with a scowl on my face. Hungry. All day today I can't stop thinking about what a total cluster f that restaurant was last night. I keep running ideas through my head of what I would do differently if *I* owned a restaurant on this hallmark holiday of love. I would have made a financial killing last night.

Gamble

2011-01-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

I love game shows. Love them. I watch them all of the time. It's mind-candy to me. I have to admit, there are a lot of jackasses on game shows. I get so pissed when someone risks big money to "gamble" on winning more. I scream at the TV "don't get greedy". And alas, 99% of them do. I just saw a guy on Who Wants to be a Millionaire today risk $50,000 plus to guess the answer. GUESS! What? Winning $75,000 wasn't enough for you? The guy guessed wrong and left with $25,000 and I pumped my fist at him in disgust. *Snort* I want to ask these people if they were in Vegas with $50,000 in their hand, would they lay it ALL down on one hand of Black Jack? Probably not. Deal or No Deal is the worst in the greedy department. Most of the time these rocket-scientists risk BIG money to win more. They have an offer of over $100,000 but they risk it...lose it...and go home with less than they spent on the trip to LA to be on the show. Or how about the dipshit on Price is Right who thinks a new hot tub, a year's worth of groceries, bbq and full deck is worth only $600? I have to laugh. So many people have no idea.

Wow. I am feeling snarky today. Think I will go make snarky comments on facebook. It's what I do. (Kidding)

Carpets

2011-01-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

Our renter just signed another lease with us! Woo hoo! I told her I would get her carpets cleaned in January. I have been researching companies and found the most shocking and disgusting link. They offer "Trauma" Clean Up.

They list the services as:

Trauma Clean up
Suicide Clean Up
Meth Labs
Blood Clean Up
Decomposition Clean Up

Homicide Clean Up
Unattended Death
Trashed Houses
Crime Scene Clean Up
Utilities Service

Oh my God! I don't even know what to do with this information. So the guy who could come clean the carpets could have just left a crime scene. *Sitting here in shock*

Today

2011-01-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

My parents picked up Ava this morning for their regular Tuesday babysitting day. I had to laugh, after they left I paced around the house for 30 minutes like I didn't know what to do with myself. When I realized what I was doing I giggled...silly me. I don't know why I was acting so lost. I have planned my entire day and made a list of things I want to get done....no shock there. Ha. I have spent my morning so far uploading pictures to Ava's blog, organizing photos on the computer, removing our address from the enormous amount of catalogs and phone books we get delivered to our home, and playing on the computer. Successful morning so far.

I am getting a full highlight and haircut at 1 pm at the new Aveda salon by our house. Bliss. I made a tragic mistake in November in regards to my hair. I decided to be a "kitchen beautician" and I colored my hair myself. Disaster. I know better. My roots turned this awful red and the rest just dried up. Good work. I know money is tight...but I have always found money to do my hair. After the disaster, I went to the salon and had my hair fixed, which ended up costing more than if I had just had it done in the first place. Dumb, right? Ha. While sitting in the salon getting my hair fixed, I realized that I had stopped buying many things for myself that make me feel good....because money is tight. I stopped buying good lotion. My skin was so dry I was so itchy. The cheap crap I was buying was just not cutting it. I hadn't bought good razors to shave in forever. My legs and arm pits were so beat up it was ridiculous. I hadn't bought good hair products for styling and conditioning....my hair was a mess. I hadn't been buying good products to clean and moisturize my face. My skin looked like a teenager going through puberty. My make up was so expired and icky, I just looked horrible. All of these things lumped together was doing awful things for my self esteem which is not good. I changed all that a few weeks ago with the help of my Christmas money. I told Todd about this and he was so sad that I hadn't been buying these important things for myself. He rocks. He was the one that insisted that I get a FULL highlight and haircut. I had been doing just a partial highlight and getting my hair cut at SuperCuts. I have to remember to take care of me. Makes me a better care-giver. Can't wait for my appointment this afternoon.

Here's a picture of Ava and Uncle Bob from our wonderful visit to Salt Lake City. We had a blast and Ava was a champ on the airplane. There were many screaming kids, and none of the screams were from our girl.

Trip

2011-01-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

Ava and I are flying to Salt Lake to see my bro and Rebecca this weekend. Can't wait to see them. Can't wait to spend quality time. Can't wait to see their new gorgeous house. OK. I am traditionally not a good flyer. Here's the story. I had a panic attack on a flight once. It only happened once, but once was enough to know that I must be medicated to fly. The story is actually funny....now. I had gone to Vegas with Katie and Christine for Christine's Bachelorette Party. We drank way too much and slept way too little. Our return flight was delayed so we sat at the airport for HOURS...realllly hung over and reallly tired. We got on the plane finally and I started having a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. My throat closed. I couldn't move. I felt like I had a big fat sweaty dude sitting on my chest. I wanted to jump out of the plane. It was the scariest feeling ever. EVER. My face was beet red the whole flight and I was shaking. I finally had to lean forward and put my hands over my ears and sing the "meow, meow, meow" song to myself to get through it. It was embarrassing. It was awful. As we left the airport Katie said, "Emily. I love you. But I won't fly with you to Mexico (for Christine's wedding) if you act like that. Figure it out girl." So. I went to my doctor and got some nice anti-anxiety meds for the trip to Mexico. Let-me-tell-you.....I was the SWEETEST person on that plane after taking my meds. Funny. Now. OK. I have flown many more times and each time I have medicated myself, but on headphones and zoned out with a cocktail or 4. Emily is good flyer all doped up. NOW...this weekend, I will be flying alone with a 9 month old. No zoning out here. I will be medicated....believe-you-me....but I have to stay engaged to care for Ava. I am nervous. But I will be ok. Todd on the other hand is more nervous than me about my ability to fly with Ava alone. Maybe he will need to be medicated too.

Wish

2011-01-04T09:38:00.001-07:00

My Wish for You in 2011

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words ...............

May 2011 be the best year of your life!!!

Christmas

2010-12-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

We had an amazing first Christmas with our girl. She was such a trooper with all of the festivities and looked damn cute in her Christmas dress. It's heart warming to spend Christmas with family and having Ava this year made everything just more sparkly. She loves the tree. She rolls and rolls to get close to it. She loves touching it. I don't know where in the world she gets her need to touch everything. Ha. My nickname growing up (oh hell it still is) is FINGERS. Ava got a ton of presents...now I just have to figure out where to put everything. Life is grand.

My parents have Ava all day today. Todd is picking her up after work. I have the whole day to do ME things. I am meeting Kathy and Lisa for happy hour tonight. Basically a good day to recharge. I really do cherish my alone time. During the "single years" I often didn't see another person all weekend. On my way home from work on Fridays, I would swing by the liquor store and Blockbuster to rent movies. I consider myself to be such an extrovert ...so the fact that I require some alone time is something it took me years to figure out. I am lucky to have such an amazing support system. I have no idea how single moms do it. None.

The neighborhood kids are out in full force today. I love seeing kids playing outdoors. I just went outside for a few minutes and watched them laugh and play. Sometimes I have to remember to enjoy the little things....like riding a bike or laughing at the playground.

I was just going through all the pictures from Christmas. I am really disappointed how fat I still look. Blah. I lost all of my pregnancy weight right away...but I had gained weight during the time of "trying" to get pregnant with all of the hormones and stuff. I really need to figure out a way to get this bod back in shape.

Well....off to do more ME stuff. Kisses. xxx

Tuesdays

2010-12-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

This is the 2nd week that my parents have taken Ava for the day. Once I find a job, they want to do a day a week of her daycare....so they are starting the daycare thing early. Last Tuesday I had oral-freaking-surgery on my free day. Not my idea of a free day to do what I want. Ha. However, my plan moving forward is to use my Tuesdays to job search primarily. I will set up networking lunches (I have one today). Basically, I can work on the computer all day. Make phone calls without the voice of my sweet girl in the background (not horrible, not super professional). I can go wash my car. May sound funny but Ava hates the car wash. HATES. The water hitting the car scares her and it's so loud. Don't even get me started on the vacuum. Anyway. Tuesdays have become my day. I wonder what kind of trouble I will get into today?

Grand

2010-12-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

Life really has been grand lately. Ava is getting so big and her personality rocks. She is sweet, talkative and so loving. I have noticed that she pats my arm as I carry her around. Makes my heart soar. It occurred to me that I pat HER on her back as I carry her. Oh sweet.

I am really looking forward to Ava's first Christmas. We are putting up the tree tonight. Yes, I wee bit late, but oh well.

I have kicked the job search into high gear. I want to work part time doing something fun and enlightening. Wouldn't that be a fun title? Producer of Fun and Enlightenment?

Well my sweet girl is calling....

Civility

2010-11-09T08:37:00.000-07:00

Is civility dead? Have people forgotten their common manners? I am afraid the answer is yes. Thank you cards - gone. RSVP-ing to events - gone. Please and thank you's - gone (thanks to texting and email - keep it short and sweet). The list is staggering. Be loud and rude and you will make the evening news. Or if it bleeds it leads (referring to if it's a horrible story it will lead in the nightly newscast...sad). Anyway. The other day I stood in line behind a woman at the grocery store who was fighting on the phone with someone....loudly. I watched at the checker politely asked her how her day was going. The woman ignored her. Instead she continued her fighting conversation on her cell phone slamming on the conveyor belt all of her items. She swiped her card grabbed her bags and left. Didn't say ONE word to the person helping her. RUDE. I felt inclined to apologize to the checker, who told me it happens all of the time. What? All of the time? Beyond just cell phones, what else do we see out in the world to prove the fact that civility is dead? How about how people treat each other on reality shows and television shows? Or how about that douche bag Kenye West who interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for an award? How about that Senator that yelled out "You LIE" to the President (yes the President of the United States) during a speech?

The other day I thought I would test my theory that civility is dead. I walked around the mall and grocery store and smiled at anyone who would look up at me. Not many looked up from their phone or just starring at the floor in front of them. But the ones that did look up....many of them gave me dirty looks. Like, why are you smiling at me you bitch? I laughed. The younger people were suspicious the older folks smiled back. SAD! I am fearful that my daughter will grow up in a world where people don't know how to treat each other kindly....with civility. Well one thing is for sure, I will teach Ava how to properly address people, say please and thank you, how to get attention in a positive way, how to write thank you cards, to RSVP and for goodness sake to get off her cell phone when she is in public. It starts at home folks and I hope you will jump on the bandwagon because where this world is going is sad.

Prayers

2010-11-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

Time and time again I am reminded why my path was to be with Todd. During the "single" years countless times I would feel like God wasn't listening to me....He wasn't answering my prayers. Back then, I would have a boyfriend who I thought was wonderful....and I would pray that we would be together forever. And time and time again....things wouldn't work out. I know now it didn't work out because I am supposed to be with my dear hubby Todd....he rocks the casbah. So anyway as I mentioned I was once again reminded of why my prayers went unanswered...this weekend...at a party. I saw an ex who I haven't seen in 10 years. Long story short he broke up with me because he felt like I worked too much, I was too focused on my career. Many times during the "single" years I wondered if I made the right decision. Well folks let's just say....I did. Alex married the girl he hooked up with literally the WEEK we broke up. His friends called her the "revenge f*ck" to me. That made me laugh back then. Anyway. He and RF are friends with one of my friends. Who knew? Small world. Alex has not made much of himself and supports his family by playing professional poker ON LINE. What the?

MORE and MORE

2010-10-19T08:30:00.002-06:00

OK. Last night in bed we were sleeping. We both heard a "PSSST" noise. Todd says, "Em, did you hear that?" I said, "Yes. damn." Two seconds later another "PSSSST" right over our heads. We both jumped out of our skin. Not sure what to do. I am starting to really freak.

More ghosts...boo.

2010-10-15T12:09:00.000-06:00

So last night Todd put the baby to bed. When he came downstairs he had this odd smile on his face. He told me that when he was laying her in her crib, the Sleep Sound Machine turned on again by itself. It has an on off switch, it's not activated by a button or touch or motion. Sweet. And this morning when I came downstairs and turned on the tv, the tv was tuned to channel 688. A channel called Tranquility Music. Sweet. When I tried to change it off of that channel it kept trying to make my buy the Pay-Per-View movie Letters from Juliet. I turned off the cable box...and back on....same thing. Whoa. For the record, our tv turns on to the last channel that was on when it was turned off. I guarantee you Todd and I weren't watching Tranquility channel 688 before going to bed last night. Boo.

Helicopter

2010-10-15T11:26:00.000-06:00

There's a saying that parents that hover over their kids and over-protect them are called "helicopter parents". I see it all of the time. Last night on Facebook I saw that one of my friends was bragging because he sold all of his kid's fundraiser candy bars for him. Raising the money is not the lesson here. The true lesson is having the child learn to earn money, be responsible for a goal, practice presenting an item to the public and learning how to sell. That parent was so proud of himself, and I say shame on you. You took away several wonderful teaching moments from your kid. What you DID teach him was that he doesn't have to work in this world, daddy will save him and do it for him. I remember when I was a Girl Scout selling cookies. I worked my little tail off selling those cookies. I never won the most sales....not once. I was 2nd place every year. I won 2nd place to the same girl every year....whose parents sold them for her at their work. She never sold a single box of freaking cookies. I on the other hand was out every Saturday ringing door bells and selling those cookies. I wonder where the 1st place cookie girl is now? Probably living in her parent's basement. Ha.

Love

2010-10-08T12:58:00.000-06:00

I was just looking at pictures of our wedding. I love this one. Todd is giving a toast and thanking my parents for the wedding. I was so full of love and it gushed out all over the place. He was so charming and amazing during his speech....just as he is everyday. Thanks for choosing me. I am the luckiest.

Social Media

2010-10-07T11:50:00.000-06:00

I am fascinated by Social Media....and quite frankly scared to death of it at the same time. The voyeurism shocks me...and then it doesn't....it's human nature right? That's why facebook is the phenomenon it is today.... right? Anyway. I saw it most at my 20 year high school reunion. People I have never seen or spoken to in 20 years...(yet they are my friend on facebook) knew everything about me. Most had never said even one word to me on facebook yet knew what I did for a living, what my daughter's name is, how many bridesmaids I had, who I still keep in touch with, how my siblings were doing...crazy. It was nuts. So they had checked out my life without even making a comment. I talk to so many people all the time who claim to be on facebook every single day, but never comment or post anything. Odd right? Part 2 of the things that shock me about social media is the sheer narcissism that runs wild in the social media world. How arrogant of folks (including myself) to think that people want to know what I am doing, what I am think, how I feel or what music I like. I post comments, status updates, pictures and other things on facebook all the time. Even this blog is laced with narcissism Look at me! Look at MEEEEEE! Ha. It's a crazy world out there now. You don't need to leave the comfort of your home and still can feel "connected" with people. Now THAT is what truly scares the crap out of me. The lack of pure natural face to face interaction. *Sigh*

The real inspiration behind this post is that 2 of my friends had a baby girl this week. Everyone was so up in arms because they hadn't posted an update, announcement or pictures on facebook. The baby is 7 hours old and her pictures aren't all over the Internet yet? Made me giggle. Now I am guilty of posting Ava's birth on facebook...I loved the attention. But I had to laugh that everyone was soooo freaked that they hadn't posted....myself included. Funny. And to add insult to injury, we were all afraid to post on their wall CONGRATS for fear of stealing their thunder. I had to laugh though, because the 2 people I was sure would steal their thunder....did. Posted all over their walls CONGRATS before an "official" announcement had been made. I mean, what if they hadn't gotten in touch with a special aunt yet? She gets to hear of her birth from some loud mouth deejay? Sad really. It's a scary world. Now I must run....a little girl is stirring from her nap.

Trifecta

2010-10-01T15:44:00.000-06:00

We have been watching Mad Men on netflix. We are on Season 2 about half way through. The show is set in the mid 60s and is about a small, yet up-and-coming advertising agency. They all smoke in their offices. Drink all day long in their offices and during meetings and then all night long. Woman are secretaries not managers. Its all very 1964. I giggle when I see similarities to radio and the ad business as a whole that I can relate to from my own career. Anyway. Currently on the show, a young secretary has just been promoted to a Jr. Copy Writer among a wave of all male Copy Writers. A really big deal back in those days. I love seeing a woman getting a shot. Love it. I am not going to jump up on a feminist soap box, I just like to see women get ahead.

Watching the show makes me remember one of the reasons I started working for a former radio group. I choose to work there because there were 3 women in the top 3 management positions at the stations...a trifecta of women. I thought this was a wonderful thing....at first. Especially since when I started in radio I was one of only a few female Dept Heads in radio. In fact, I once had an old male program director tell me that when he started in radio if there was a woman in the radio station...she wasn't an employee...she was a hooker. I told him that he must have a really good attorney. I digress. As I sit here thinking about my experiences working with the trifecta, I am saddened to realize that the trifecta didn't look out for their female counterparts at all. In fact, I feel that they are harder on woman in their office than the men. I can think of several ....ok...MANY woman who were ousted out, demoted and/or fired by no real fault of their own by the trifecta. And ironically there are MANY sub-par men in that building still to this day working under the trifecta whom are able to fly under the radar. Why? You would think that women would look out for other women. Not this bunch. They have no tolerance for women. You should hear how the radio market talks about the trifecta. It's not pretty folks. It"s down right sad.

Tough times

2010-09-30T12:48:00.000-06:00

I feel like many people around me are having a tough time right now. My friend buried her son after a fatal car accident on Labor Day weekend. Two of my friend's dads are in the hospital with serious issues. My mother in law had 2 serious back surgeries last week and is in a ton of pain. My friend just had to put her dog to sleep today. My friend had a meeting with her bosses this morning at 10 am that she had a feeling was the end of her time at that job (radio sucks). My friend is having teenager issues. My friend can't buy a break health wise. My friend just spread her dad's ashes and is struggling with his death all over again. My friend is having issues with a tenant that is involving court. Several of my friends are super sick with colds right now. My friend's 14 year old daughter had a tumor removed from her head and throat last week that was the size of a softball. They had to peel the skin from her face back to get to the tissue and bone effected by the tumor. She has lost a good amount of sensation in her face area and will need a full face reconstruction. Did I mention that she is 14 freaking years old and should only be thinking about what she is wearing to the Homecoming Dance. Some times I just don't understand why life hands us these trials??? Deep breath. I have to remember a quote that I love....and repeat it over and over. “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa

Ghosts

2010-09-13T07:57:00.003-06:00

OK. I may be crazy. But I have witnesses.

When I lived in my downtown condo the land it was built on was an old burial ground that was supposed to be moved when the building and developments started. The story is (read link) that when the city was ready to build on that land and the families of the deceased were asked to move the bodies/graves, but few did. Most of the bodies were those of vagrants, criminals, and paupers...so they didn't get moved and the city built on top of their graves. I cringe when I see stories on the news of bodies being found like recently at the Denver Botanic Gardens. (Note link attached is from 2008, but it was the best and most complete story on it I could find right now). It just happened a few weeks back...again. They were digging to build a new structure and found bodies. DBG is 2 blocks from my condo. OK. Scene set. Here are some things that have happened to me....that "could" be ghostly encounters from years ago....and then again recently.

My brother Bob and I were playing board games at my condo. All of a sudden the sound on the TV went down to mute. We could see the volume display on the TV go down tick-by-tick. I say, "did you do that?" Bob says, "No, where is the remote?" We both look over and it's on the table across the room. Bob and I freak then notice lid on the trash cans is swinging back and forth and back and forth. He jumps up and tells me he is getting the eff out of there. I beg him to stay. He says he's freaked and wants to go home. Sweet.

Several times while sleeping in the condo I have sworn that I felt someone touch my face. I would open my eyes and jump thinking someone was there. I was alone.

Many times I would be sleeping and feel something jump on my bed, like a cat or a small animal. I would wake up and look for my cat and she wasn't there. My friend Kathy SWORE once that she saw a white cat sitting on my kitchen chair. She swears she saw it and then she blinked again and it was gone.

The day I was moving in with Todd, I was coming from the condo with one of the last loads. The glove box on my car flew open and all of the contents flew onto the passenger seat. Not just fell out...shot out of the glove box. I didn't hit my breaks or hit a bump. It just happened. When I got to Todd's I was unloading the stuff. I walked back out to the car parked in front of the house and the doors locked. I went back inside and said, "oh haha, funny, lock the car on me as I am walking up to it." He said, "Eh, Em, the keys are on the table, I didn't do that."

After I moved in with Todd we were working on the condo on weekends to get it ready to put it on the market. TWICE we came back the following weekend and every light in the house was on. I am veeerrrry careful to make sure I turn the lights off...and would never leave ALL of them on by accident.

Now things have been pretty quiet around our house for a while. Sasha the cat has always starred at things over my head (yes, only over MY head) and hissed and then ran away. She does that often and mostly when I am sitting in the living room. We have been just ignoring that for the most part. Until recently. More things have started up again.

Ava has a baby swing we keep in the livingroom. About 2 months ago I was feeding Ava on the couch and Todd was making dinner in the kitchen. All of a sudden the baby swing started swinging back and forth. The cat was upstairs. The dog was outside. No one touched it. And it was swinging back and forth and back and forth.

Ava has a painted picture hanging in her room of a white kitty and flowers. It hangs above her changing table. My grandpa A painted it for me when I was 10. Very sentimental. When she is laying on the changing table she often smiles up at the painting and coos like she is looking at someone. Todd was the first one to point that out to me. It's kinda freaky.

The car locking thing has been happening more often. Todd has even witnessed it. I could have a short in my locking system. I could I guess.

The other night we both were up with Ava. She was fussy and we were taking turns rocking her. All of a sudden the computer monitor came on in the baby's room and lit up the room with light. Todd was sure the computer was on "sleep" and Sasha hit the mouse. He went in the room and the cat was not in there.

This weekend, the radio on my bed side table turned on LOUD. It happened 3 times. The alarm was not set. It just oddly turned on....3 times.

Not sure what to do.

Years

2010-08-26T11:11:00.004-06:00

Everyday Ava and I go for a walk. We bring Barkley the dog. I love this dog, I do, but he is a huge pain in the arse around walk time. He starts starring at me with his gross pink lipstick woody. He also follows me so close that he runs into me all of the time and I step on his feet all of the time. Annoying to say the least. Oh and this same series of annoying behaviors starts at 4:59 pm...because he usually gets fed around 5 pm. Sometimes I really hate him. Ha.

Anyway. The real point of my post to to vent about his actions ON the walk. I can deal with the stupid pink lipstick and the following me around. However, I cannot deal with his crapping on the concrete sidewalk every time we go for a walk. Believe me. He knows he's supposed to poo on the grass. But he is so excited in the first 3 minutes of the walk that he drops trou and shits on the concrete. EVERYTIME. Every day I am trying to make a mad rush to the grassy area down the block from the house. (Insert here a picture of me, pushing a stroller, black lab at my side...running 100 feet to the grassy area.) Every day he craps on the concrete. And generally he picks a house where the homeowners are outside or sitting in their living room in plain sight. Sweet. And he is such a douche bag that he walks and poops at the same time, so he leaves a long wet trail of poo. I curse his name and grab the plastic bag. I can't reallly pick it up because it's so soft so I am more finger-painting with it with my plastic bag. I want to kick his ass every time...but again...remember...I have an audience with the homeowner being right there. I have been told the fine for animal cruelity to a dog is pretty steep....so anyway. Regardless, I am pretty sure I am going to bury this dog in my backyard. I swear every time he does this that this is the LAST walk I will take him on....but I take him everyday because I know it will add years to his life to get the exercise. The thing is....I am pretty sure his antics are TAKING years off my life. Growl.

Normal

2010-07-20T16:06:00.005-06:00

Normal is good. Our lives are back to normal after 4 days of a hot mess. I had my 20th high school reunion on Friday (picture of us before we left above). The reunion was in Lakewood and my parents were watching the lil monkey so we decided to let loose and party...then take a cab to my parent's house for the night. FUN! We got home on Saturday morning to find that our house was 91 degrees inside...at 10 am. It was supposed to be 102 degrees out that day....and more record breaking heat for the next several days. Sweet. After some investigation we discovered the AC was broken...not just off. Good. Freaking. Lord. HOT. The picnic portion of the reunion was later that afternoon and after spending several very uncomfortable hours in our 91 degree home....we got a hotel room down the street and headed to the pool. We never made it to the picnic part of the reunion. Who cares. It was Ava's first time in a pool....and that was fun.

She loved it and will soon be my little fishy I am sure of it. Anyway. Long story short we spent the next 3 days shuttling ourselves from one air conditioned house to another...and shuttling our pets along too. It was just nutty hot in this house. I know alot of people live without AC...but we don't. Not with a 3 month old. Even our pets were pissed off. But we are back home today and the AC is working. Hooray. All is normal again. But this family is tired. Ava has napped off and on all day. Barkley the dog did not even ask for a walk today (really really odd). And Sasha, the glorious black cat, is back to sunning her self in her window meowing at the birds on the roof. Normal. And normal is bliss.

Priorities

2010-07-16T14:53:00.003-06:00

I have seen the movie Beaches about 100 times. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I love Bette Midler. Meeting her was truly a thrill for me that I will never forget. I have always thought the movie was about two women and their friendship. And yes, the movie is about that. But as I watched the movie today with Ava on my lap I found new meaning in the movie. It's about priorities. Plain and simple. I watched each woman make different choices throughout their lives....and those choices were based on their priorities. CC Bloom, Bette's character, always put herself and her career first. She was a ladder climber. And yes, she was very successful....and yes...she found her career dreams. But she was also very alone. The part in the movie where she agreed to go spend the summer at the beach house with Hilary and Victoria was such a growing stage for her. She finally put someone else first. I cried. I looked down at my beautiful daughter smiling up at me and cried. Priorities are the center of our lives people. My priorities now are Todd and Ava....OUR family. And...I am happy.

20

2010-06-30T17:19:00.002-06:00

Both Todd and I are attending our 20 year high school reunions in July. Two weekends of reunions. Wow. It's been 20 years since we graduated from high school. Wow.

We told Todd's dad this weekend about the upcoming reunions and he nearly fell off his chair, "I can't be the father of someone who is going to their 20 year high school reunion, no way." We all laughed. I didn't feel so old after he said that.

I am on the planning committee for my reunion. At my school, the administration instructed the Homecoming Queen, Class President and Head Cheerleader that they were responsible for planning the reunions. I was Homecoming Queen. Blah blah blah. Anyway. (I was Prom Queen too...boyah!) Just kidding. No really I was. I was kidding about the boyah. Anyway. At the last meeting I felt like no time had passed since high school based on the behavior of the committee members. Background to this story is this...we did not hire a 3rd party reunion company to plan the reunion. The reasoning was to keep the costs low. Plain and simple. We are relying on word of mouth, flyers at our high school for grads who call for information, ads placed in our local newspaper, and social networking like Classmates.com, Facebook and google to get the word out and find people. We are doing OK...not great... at finding people. OK back to the story. At the last meeting one of the committee members actually said out loud, "well I am only looking for the people I care to see, I don't have time to look for everyone." I said, "so you are only looking for the popular kids?" To which she replied, "yes." I puked in my mouth and found a way to excuse myself from the meeting. Horrified. Some things never change. So I am trying to spend a little time each day looking for the non-looked-for people. I am having some luck. I hope they never know that I looked for them because I figured no one else on the committee would. Sad.

I do...now and forever

2010-06-30T17:12:00.004-06:00

Todd and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a few weeks back. It was glorious. I fondly remember raising a glass *clink* on our 1st anniversary praying that we would either have a baby or at least be pregnant by our 2nd anniversary. *Sigh* We both teared up at Jax Fish House as we remembered that cheers/wish/dream and smiled when we spoke of our beautiful Ava Jean. She really is a blessing. We have such a blissful love and now we get to share it with Ava. Oh sweetie...I do....I do now and forever.

Our 4 year anniversary of DATING is this July 4th. Four years. Feels longer. Feels like we just fell in love. I heart you Todd. You are my inspiration. You are my love. You are a wonderful father to our baby. I am the luckiest.

Ava's blog

2010-06-30T17:10:00.002-06:00

I have created a special blog just for Ava. Pictures of her. Videos of her. A log of her new adventures and accomplishments. I am for the most part going to keep this blog about the nutty things that happen in my life and head. Just an fyi.

Money Tree

2010-06-09T17:00:00.003-06:00

Recently we bought a few new plants. Lucky for us, they had those annoying black fruit fly bugs in them. So...we got a bunch of those nasty ass bugs flying around. They also made a nest in my fish tanks...sweet. My fish were thrilled to have fresh flies to feast on...me...not so happy. They also made nest in several of my other house plants. SUCKY! I had tried several things and was almost rid of those lil bastards, and.....dun dun dun....Todd decided to spray the plants with RAID. Yes. Poison. Shockingly the POISON he sprayed on my plants...KILLED nearly all of my house plants including the beloved Money Tree. (I love you honey...but really...POISON?) Now, you NEVER get rid of or kill a Money Tree...NEVER...it's super triple dog dare bad luck. I was horrified. All of the leaves fell off the Money Tree and all was left was this ugly 3 foot stick....potted in a pot. I am not going to have some ugly ass stick in my house without leaves so I take the stick cut it down and put the roots in water...and said a prayer. Woo hoo! The Money Tree has sprouted and we are in luck peeps. Whew. Go Money Tree....make mama proud....oh and make me some money!

News

2010-06-08T13:42:00.002-06:00

I think this picture is funny...not funny ha ha...funny odd. I am certainly not making light of the spill in the gulf...quite the opposite. I have been really bothered by the news lately. I think everyone has been. The oil spill in the gulf is heart breaking. I can't stop thinking about the people, families, businesses, animals and so many more that are forever changed. And there is no end in sight. Everytime I see a picture of another animal covered in that black mess...my stomach hurts. I wish I knew how I could help. Feeling helpless is such an isolating feeling.

The local news is all over the story of a woman from Longmont Colorado who suffocated her 6 month old baby boy. Huh? A story like that would have made me very sad before, but now that I am a mom, I feel devastated. I can't see her face, or the picture of their family with that sweet baby. This nut case mom thought her baby had Autism so she put a plastic bag over his.....I can't even type it...my hands are shaking. She did that and then left him alone and went to BED!!!!!! Growl. I know so many people who would LOVE to have a little baby...with or without Autism...and she does the unspeakable. The awful thing is that the baby's dad was sad but not surprised that she did that. WHAT THE? Shame on that dad for not protecting his boy. Shame-on-him! Now she is claiming that she has postpartum depression. I know that is a real thing, but it's not an excuse to NOT get help.
I am just appalled.
I am just heart broken.
I just want to kick that woman's ass.

One Hail of a day

2010-05-27T16:47:00.005-06:00

Well well. We had one hail of a day yesterday. Pun totally intended. It was around lunch and Ava and I were headed to Target. I got pretty much all the way there and realized that I didn't have the thing I wanted to return. Duh. So I turned around and headed home. On my way home I stopped at the bank. In that time the skies opened up...in minutes it was pouring rain so hard I couldn't see and the hail...oh my the hail. I was about a mile for home and decided to make a run for it. (The bank that I was at was all over the news showing all of the damage to the employee's cars...yikes) Anyway. I fly home and get in the garage and that is right when the ping pong ball sized hail started. It was nuts. I knew that it wasn't a good idea to make the trip from the detached garage to the house so I got in the back seat with Ava to ride it out together. Then, I heard the tornado sirens. Hell. We are sitting ducks in a garage during a tornado. So I find a lawn chair cushion and put it over Ava in her carrier and make a run for it. I get the ever lovin crap beat out of me...hi..can you say bruises? I ran through ankle deep hail to get inside. I took this picture about 5 minutes before I made the run for it.

We get inside and hunker down for the rest of the afternoon in the downstairs bathroom. Me, Ava, Barkley (dog) and Sasha (cat). At about 1:50 pm, Barkley starts whining and pacing. Come to find out that 2 tornados touched down less than a mile from our house at that very moment. I guess moving forward Barkley will be my tornado siren. Scarey. All in all we weathered the storm. We didn't lose any windows...which is very lucky. All of our neighbors on both sides and across the street lost many windows. We lucked out because before I left for Target I opened all of our windows because it was 75 degrees and sunny...and didn't look like rain. Our screens are torn out and I had to clean a bunch of huge ass hail up...but no windows. And..windows happen to be the one thing our HOA doesn't cover. Phew. Other damage, my flower gardens, our deck has some quarter size dents in the wood (fixable) and our roof looks pretty beat up...but that is covered by the HOA. At the end of the day, no one got hurt.

Here are some pictures of the 2nd storm that blew through at 7 pm last night. Seriously? Ha. By the way...the hail had all melted from the earlier storm...so this is all new hail. Sweet.

I had nightmare last night about the storm. Before leaving for Target I wanted to go for our daily walk. We go about an hour around the neighborhood. Imagine if I was 15, 20, 30, or 60 minutes from home in that storm. My nightmare consisted of me trying to find a house to let us in from the storm and no one would. I then put my body over Ava in her stroller...only to be knocked out by baseball sized hail. In my dream....all I can see is black...and all I can hear is Ava crying in pain. It was horrrrrrible. I can still tear up thinking about it. Sigh.

Moving to Mexico

2010-05-25T11:16:00.001-06:00

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Mexico and I would like to ask you to assist me.

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!

Epic

2010-05-21T15:39:00.002-06:00

Today Ava had a melt down at the grocery store of epic proportions. Epic. As I was checking out she started to warn me that something was starting to piss her off. Her fuse burned hot and fast and by the time I was paying she was screaming at the top of her lungs, pumping her little fists, sweating and red faced as a tomato. A crowd was gathering. I took her out of her carrier to hold her and bounce her to get her to stop. The sweet boy with down syndrome who bagged my groceries says he will help me to my car. I am carrying a screaming wiggling 7 week old who now has large alligator tears streaming down her face. People are staring. She is still screaming...and getting so loud she is losing her voice. I am trying to remain calm. We get to my car and I put her back in her carrier to load the groceries in the car. She is still screaming. The sweet boy who helped me to my car is now getting upset too and rocking back and forth like Rain Man saying over and over "Something is hurting her. Make it stop. Something is hurting her. Make it stop." Over and over and over. Ava is still screaming. And the sweet boy is now Rain Man. Good lord. I get the groceries in the car and quick like a bunny make a bottle for Ava. I am sitting in the back seat of my car feeding her. She stops crying....but is whimpering and giving me what-for with her moans for making her wait 5 minutes to eat. To add insult to injury, now Rain Man is convinced that I have hurt my child and he is walking around my car giving me dirty looks. I mean diiiirrrrty looks. I roll the window down and tell him that she has stopped crying and thanked him for his help. His eyes narrow and he glares at me and says, "Good. Baby stopped hurting." Alrighty then. The Mom of the Year Award goes to.....

Smiley Ava!

2010-05-19T16:18:00.002-06:00

Now that I have figured out how to post videos....I will become borderline annoying posting them. They are more for me to remember...just so you know. (wink) Here's one smiley girl.

Hilarious

2010-05-18T14:13:00.003-06:00

I am a quirky person. I like things the way I like them. I have odd likes and dislikes. I know that about myself. My friends and family know that about me. My husband...not so quirky. He's a straightforward normal dude. Except when it comes to this one thing...where the toilet paper holder goes. I have NO idea why...but he wants the toilet paper holder to be in the middle of the bathroom...totally in the way. OK. I admit that it's MY quirkyness that has made this an issue but in our house it causes some eye rolling on my part. He wants this thing so far from the toilet that if one were to run OUT of toilet paper mid-activity, one would have to get up OFF the toilet to reach the new toilet paper roll. While I was pregnant, I told him that over and over, and without fail, he would move it again. It's a game now really. I move it. He moves it back. I have to laugh. Finally while I was pregnant, I had to get kinda pissed....OK really pissed one night. I brought him into the bathroom and showed him how much of a pain it was to get my fat preggers ass off the toilet to get more paper. Whew. During the rest of my pregnancy the paper stayed where it should be....by the freaking toilet. Ava is 7 weeks old today. And....dun dun dun....this morning...I went in the bathroom to find it BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING BATHROOM. Grrrrr. Oh Todd. Here are the pictures. The first picture is where the toilet paper SHOULD be. The 2nd picture is where Todd moves it. Grrrrr. Hahaha.

What a sweet pea!

2010-05-17T17:47:00.001-06:00

Here's a picture from our visit to the photo studio! She's 6 weeks old in this picture! What a sweet pea!

Bath time for Ava

2010-05-17T16:44:00.003-06:00

If you can stand my singing...it's a cute video of Ava's bath. She loves her bath...but in the video she is looking at me like..."really? really mom?" Ha.

Recovery

2010-05-03T13:04:00.003-06:00

My recovery from the c-section has been fairly easy. After surgery they sewed this line in my belly by around the incision site that gave me a steady dose of pain meds right at the point of incision 24 hours a day. I had to carry a bag of medicine with me everywhere. I was happy when they took that dumb thing out because I kept forgetting I had it and then yanking on the line sewn in my belly...that hurt more than not having the meds...I think. We left the hospital on Friday at 1 pm after I insisted on being sent home. They took my staples out of my belly and sent us on our way. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. We did so much better at home. I was tired of doctor's poking me and Ava at all hours of the day and night. I wanted peace. Home. Sweet. Home.

She's here!

2010-05-03T12:41:00.004-06:00

And she's almost 5 weeks old. I have been a bad blogger again. I have been a wee bit busy. Ha. Well world, our beautiful daughter is here...Ava Jean. She was born on Tuesday, March 30th at 8:05 am. She was 6 lbs, 9 oz and 19 inches long. She's just a little peanut with a full head of brown hair. She has so much hair that people stop and talk to us about her hair everywhere we go. She is soooo beautiful and just the sweetest thing ever.

We had issues during the c-section and I lost a lot of blood. Everything turned out ok...but it was scary there for a little while. I noticed that it was taking a lot longer than I had been told it would take. I could hear a change in the tone of the doctor's voices. I was trying to listen to what they were saying and just then...the anesthesiologist came down by my face and started asking me questions about the baby's nursery. I said to him, "I don't mind answering your questions, but I am trying to listen to what they are saying over there." He said, that it was his job to ask me questions. Really? It's your job to ask me questions about the baby's nursery? Well. That was about the time he gave me a nice solid hit of morphine that pretty much knocked me out. Nice. One of the surgeons peered her head over the screen blocking my view and her face was covered with my blood and her eyes were as big as saucers. She literally looked scared. Wowsa. Made my heart sink. I saw a splatter of blood on the ceiling of the Operating Room and asked, "Who's blood is that on the ceiling?" And my doctor joked, "well it wouldn't be a very sanitary O.R. if it was someone's blood other than your blood." Ha. Great. Everyone is a comedian. Todd said the area looked like a freaking murder scene. I heard my doctor tell the students observing the c-section that this was not a normal amount of blood loss. Sweet. After they got Ava out, they showed her to me and then they rushed her to the NICU because she wasn't "pinking" up. She was very blue. I told Todd to follow and stay with the baby. He wanted to stay with me....but I wanted him with her. She needed him....and I was fine. They took me to recovery. I was there until way after 11 am. I had been told that I would be done and breast feeding the baby within the hour after surgery. Surgery was at 7:30 am. So...at 11 am I started saying "Where is my baby? Please take me to my baby! WHERE is my baby?" They told me I wasn't ready to leave recovery. I guess my big mouth got me somewhere this time because by 11:30 I was in my room and Todd was bringing Ava to me. Everyone else had held her....but me. It was my turn. When Todd layed her in my arms it was love at first sight. She was so alert and we just locked eyes. Man oh man...I love that little girl.

Afraid

2010-03-28T23:27:00.003-06:00

Very soon our beautiful daughter will be here....so soon...in about 33 hours. Finally. Todd and I spent this weekend finishing up projects, taking naps and being alone....together. At lunch today he asked me what I was afraid of with the delivery (c section). I told him I am afraid the drugs will hurt the baby. I told him that I read on line that they tie my hands down during the surgery. I don't like that. I will probably tell them not to tie my hands down...unless they can give me a really good reason. I told him I am afraid of the pain. I am afraid that I will be so drugged up that I will miss the first moments of our daughters life. Then I had to stop talking...because I was making the wait staff at Hacienda Colorado nervous....because tears were streaming down my face. Ha. The is a funny thing about being SOOO pregnant. Everyone handles you with kid gloves. Mainly because I think they are afraid that I will flop on the floor and start having a baby right there....and they will have to help. Who knows. But it's funny and I giggle. If I were a meaner person, I might walk into the middle of Target and throw water on the floor and start to moan and shout "Uhhhh....the baby is coming." Ha. Just kiddin. I can't be the only pregnant woman who has thought of that. Ok. Maybe. I digress. I guess to really answer Todd's question. I am afraid I won't be a good mom. Maybe the fact that I am afraid that I won't...was my first test and proof that I will be. One thing is for sure...I KNOW Todd will be the best dad ever. I mean ever.

A note to my unborn daughter

2010-03-15T16:01:00.002-06:00

To my dearest sweet pea,
Well the doctor tells me we will get to meet you on Tuesday, March 30th around 10 am. I can't wait to see your pretty face and kiss you all over. You may not know this but we had a tough time getting you here...and I can't believe you will be in our arms in 15 days.

Your dad and I talk about you all the time.

We dream for you.

We sing to you.

We laugh and tear up when we talk of you.

We wish the world for you.

We wonder who you will look like more. The ultra sounds show us that you have a ton of hair. We wonder if you will have blonde hair or brown hair? Blue or green eyes? Maybe brown?

We have a short list of names for you that both your dad and I love....we will name you once we meet you. Although, my darling, I have my favorite name. :) We want to meet you and make sure we give you a name worthy of you. All of the names are strong, feminine and will look fabulous and classic at the top of a resume. :)

Your room is all ready. I can't wait for you to see it. Your dad painted the walls bright pink and 2 shades of brown. He spent so much time painting the room...making sure that every edge was perfect. He did such a great job. So much love in this room. Everything is washed and ready for you. I just know you will love it.

You are one lucky little girl...there are a lot of people who are anxiously awaiting your safe arrival. In fact, your cousin Calea, who is 2 1/2, talks about you all of the time. Yesterday, she was carrying around a baby doll all day (which is not something she does very often) and when your Aunt Natalie asked her what her baby's name was, she answered "Emmy's baby". I get the feeling you two will be good friends.

Right at this moment I can feel you moving around and I get such joy from feeling you live and move.

Your dad and I feel blessed. Our cup runneth over.
Love you to the moon baby girl!

Love,
Mom

My 82nd Academy Awards Picks

2010-03-05T13:17:00.003-07:00

Here are my Oscar picks. Feel free to use 'em....but give me credit where credit is due.

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow - The Hurt Locker
Best Actor: Jeff Bridges
Best Actress: Sandra Bullock
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz
Best Supporting Actress: Mo'nique
Best Animated Feature Film: UP
Best Foreign Film: The White Ribbon
Best Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino - Inglorious Bastards
Best Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Best Documentary Feature: The Cove
Best Original Score: Up
Best Original Song: The Weary Kind - Crazy Heart
Best Film Editiing: Avatar
Best Cinematography: The Hurt Locker
Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria
Best Art Direction: Avatar
Best Makeup: Il Divo
Best Visual Effects: Avatar
Best Documentary - Short Subject: China's Unnatural Disaster
Best Short Film: A Matter of Loaf and Death
Best Short Film Live Action: Kavi
Best Sound Editing: Avatar
Best Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker

Hawaii

2010-03-03T02:23:00.003-07:00

Todd's sister Lindsey is getting married on Saturday in Hawaii. We *obviously* aren't going. Could you imagine sitting on a plane for a 7 hour flight 9 months pregnant? Plus, I have been on travel restrictions since week 10 of my pregnancy....and I am fairly sure most airlines don't let you fly in your 9th month. Anywho. We are not going. Here's a picture of Lindsey in her dress and veil. Gorgeous huh? She made that veil. Quite crafty sis. I am very happy for them and wish we could be there.

Sleep

2010-03-03T02:09:00.002-07:00

Or the lack there of....
Sleep.
I have no idea why God plays this cruel joke on pregnant women and makes it so tough to sleep in the weeks prior to giving birth. It's 2:12 am. I am wide awake. This has become my routine of sorts. I go to bed at a decent hour, toss and turn. I may fall asleep for an hour. I wake up wide awake and lay in bed until I finally just get up and get on the computer for something to do. *Sigh* It's not fair. I know that it's my "training" for when the little girl gets here...but I think better training would be to let me have the best sleep ever....and I think I will be more prepared. Ok. I know. I am not buying it either.

Here's an email I got a few days ago in the WEEEEE hours of the morning from one of the sites I visit. I had to laugh. I guess I am not alone.

Sleep disturbances during pregnancy
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: February 2010

Wide awake at 4 a.m.? Is that watermelon where your belly used to be making it impossible for you to get comfortable? Or is heartburn, nausea, or a constant need to pee keeping you up? You're bound to have trouble sleeping at some point during your pregnancy, especially during the first and third trimesters. Don't despair: You can do something to improve the quality of your zzzs.

Read on to find out about common sleep stealers during pregnancy and how you can cope with them. When you're done, brush up on the basics of good sleep and learn about sleep aids and techniques that are safe to use during pregnancy.

• Can't get comfortable

• Exercise before bed keys you up

• Frequent urination

• Heartburn and indigestion

• Hunger

• Insomnia

• Leg cramps

• Medications

• Nausea

• Restless legs syndrome

• Sharing a bed

• Sleep apnea

• Snoring and congestion

• Vivid dreams

• Worrying about your baby

Check. Check. Double Check. I have all of the above. Thank-you-very-much.

Oscars

2010-03-03T02:05:00.002-07:00

I just saw a promo that The Oscars are this Sunday. What? I am so unprepared. I usually have seen most if not all of the movies up for Best Picture. This year? Not so much. I think part of the reason is that there are so many movies up for Best Picture...but who knows. A girl friend of mine (who has moved to the east coast) used to host the best Oscar parties complete with prizes for picking the most winners for the night. I was in heaven. I still print out the winners sheet and make my picks each year...but it's not the same...just not the same.

Scare

2010-02-24T11:00:00.002-07:00

I will say first off, I am ok, the baby is ok. We had a big scare on Monday. I started having contractions about 3 pm in the afternoon that continued until nearly midnight. I was having about 2-4 an hour and on the phone with my doc all night. If we had 5+ in an hour or started bleeding...then the doc would have had us rush to the hospital...which we never did....and they stopped. We saw the doc yesterday and we had another ultra sound (that was our 10th ultrasound). The baby looked fine and I wasn't dilated. One exciting thing we did get to see was that she has a full head of hair AND we saw her practicing the breathing motion...which made me LOSE it. :) Bawling. (Plus I was so tired hadn't slept at all...and being in "labor" for 8 hours)...but still....seeing her breathe was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Some more good news we saw yesterday is that I have been upgraded from placenta previa to "low laying placenta" which means if the placenta moves a little bit more we have a shot at a normal delivery. Although, I am really ok with the scheduled c-section the idea of giving birth the natural non-surgical way is appealing. Whatever happens...happens....as long as she is healthy. I am still sore from Monday...but happy all is ok.

Hypocrisy

2010-02-19T11:22:00.002-07:00

I have always found it hypocritical that certain people in the work place are held to different expectations on the hours they work. The difference is between those WITH kids and those WITHOUT. I realize that I am about to enter the world of WITH kids...so this frustration will cease for me directly....for the most part. However, I get irritated at the way I (and others) have been treated over the years in this arena. I remember a particularly butt-in-sky lady of a co-worker of mine said to me, "you should not advertise that you are leaving at 5 pm." Uh. Why? The other 3 sales managers have left to pick up their kids or go home. Why not me too? Because I don't have kids to pick up? I got here this morning by 8 am worked my butt off. Didn't take a lunch. Certainly didn't take the 8, 15-minute smoke breaks today that YOU took. Why can't I go home after a hard days work at a decent hour to be with my husband? Or go to the gym? Or walk my dog? My boss (at the time) each day arrived sometime around 9 am, took smoke breaks all day long, and would leave by 5 to go pick up her kids. So why can't I leave after a hard days work? Here's a funny story. I have a friend, an old radio friend, who works at the gym that our management gets "free" memberships to. He had told me over and over how my former management team works out for hours 3-4 times a week in the middle of the day. One manager actually plays on a basketball league that is for 2 hours long each session....3 days a weeks. Ironic....eh? I get the crap for working a solid day...and they are taking HOURS in the middle of the day to NOT work. Odd. I have been witness to other managers being excused from long meetings that were running late because the had to go pick up the kids. What if *I* had something I needed to do after work? Just because I don't have kids...I have to stay? Ah the hypocrisy.

Chivalry

2010-02-17T11:45:00.002-07:00

Chivalry. I have been witness to many different kinds of chivalry in the past. But I didn't really appreciate it until now. Now that I am 8 1/2 months pregnant. Todd and I were at Bonefish Grill for a romantic Valentines date on Saturday. We were waiting for our reservation. The place was packed and I was standing in a corner with Todd feeling squished by the masses. Never before had I been more aware of the men sitting in the few seats there were available than that night. My back and my feet were killing me and I would have paid $20 to sit down. I kept a smile on my face anyway...how could I not smile? I was with Todd, my Valentine, and we were having a wonderful date. Sweet Todd asked me so many times if I was ok...and hugged me. Then, like a knight in shining armor, this one younger gentleman tapped me on the shoulder and offered up his seat. *Sigh* I said thank you several times and so did Todd. Chivalry. It's a good thing. That seat was worth every cent of the $20 I would have paid for it.

Pet Peeves

2010-02-10T15:28:00.002-07:00

I am in a sassy mood again today...so I am going to list some pet peeves I have. I had so much fun with the list of people I could do without...a list of pet peeves is in order. Enjoy.

Drivers who don't use a turn signal.
People who read out loud what they're typing in an email or letter.
Kids who tease dogs through a fence.
Couples who sit on the same side of the booth when there is no one on the other side.
Parents who bring their young kids to R rated films.
People who sit next to you on public transportation or in the movies even when there are other seats available.
Noisy eaters.
Women who wear jewelry that clinks and clacks and makes noise when they're at their desk or keyboard.
Using speaker phones in public areas at work.
People with bad table manners.
People that snoop.
Drivers who won't turn right on red OR from a one way street onto another one way.
Double negatives.
Non hand-washers after using the bathroom.
Celebrities claiming to be environmentalists.
Tapping.
People who ride their bikes in the road when a sidewalk is right there.
People who don't send thank you notes.
People who don't cover their mouth while sneezing or coughing.
Jerks who take up 2 parking spaces.
Women who wear too much perfume.
People who don't know the difference between its/it’s, they’re/their/there and your/you’re.
People who leave shopping carts in the parking lot instead of taking them back to the corral.
The naming of celebrity couples (Bennifer, TomKat, etc.)
When people say 'supposebly' instead of 'supposedly'.
When people don't clear the microwave numbers.
When people don't RSVP to an invitation.
People who refer to themselves in the third person.
People that tailgate when you're driving.
People who don't look at you during a conversation.
People who put their feet up on the seat in front of them in movie theaters.
Athletes who point to the sky after scoring.
Bad breath.
Loud motorcycles.
People who spit on the ground and don't look first to see if anybody is around.
Men who refer to “babysitting” their own children.
Email with no subject in the subject line.
People who talk on their cell phone or text at the movies.
People who wear sunglasses indoors.

You might think that it must be pretty hard to know me. Well. I at least tell you when you are pissing me off. Ha.

Peyton a classless pouter?

2010-02-09T13:04:00.005-07:00

I don't think so. Poor Peyton Manning has been getting berated for not shaking Drew Brees' hand at the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday. Sure, it would have been nice to see him embrace Brees and congratulate him. But probably 95% of NFL players walk off the field every week without bothering to shake hands.

The second after the gun sounds at the Super Bowl...tons of the player's family members, photographers, videographers, techy dudes, roadies, and flunkies swarm the field. I am guessing that Peyton didn't want any part of that scene...and I don't blame him....not one bit. And for obvious reasons, Peyton was in no mood to fraternize. Nobody works more or competes harder than Peyton. It's all for one reason...to win the Super Bowl... and he'd just seen that goal blow up in his face. Poor dude.

That doesn't make him a classless pouter. That makes him human.

Peyton trotted off the field...took a quick shower...put on a suit and headed to the press conference. He sat there for 11 minutes getting peppered with questions about why he and the Colts blew it.

It reminded me of a great Olympic moment...I remember hearing about... I've forgotten all the details, but a team from Greece or somewhere over there had just lost a bitter volleyball match. Some reporter from that guy's home country stuck a microphone in a player's face. "You are a disgrace to your country. Your comments?" The guy dutifully answered. I would have punched that reporter in the face and made him eat his microphone for lunch. Just sayin'.

Nobody quite said to Peyton, "You are disgrace to your city," but it was pretty-damn-close. He never got snippy. He patiently and politely answered every question, took responsibility for his mistakes and praised Saints cornerback Tracy Porter, whose interception will go down as his Bill Buckner moment. He's a better person than me because I might be pointing out that the interception should have also been pinned on receiver Reggie Wayne....who gave his route away and let Porter beat him to the ball. Again...I'm just sayin'. But before he disappeared, Peyton said he had one thing left to do.....he was going to call Brees and congratulate him.

I think Peyton Manning is a class act...and a much better person than me. I am way tooooo much of an ass after losing....they would do movies about my unsportsmanlike conduct. I'm just sayin'.

Crib Set

2010-02-09T11:50:00.002-07:00

The baby girl's crib set arrived. Hooray! She will look pretty in pink!

People I could do without

2010-02-09T11:29:00.004-07:00

I have been compiling a list of people that I would be thrilled if I never had to lay eyes on them again. I am in a sassy mood...so hold on.

In no particular order:
Gary Coleman
Tom Cruise
Lindsay Lohan
Paris Hilton
Perez Hilton
Carrot Top
P Diddy
Tim Tebow
Angelina Jolie
Kendra Wilson
Pam Anderson
Diana Ross
J. Lo
Kevin Federline
Brittney Spears
Kanye West
ANY of the Jacksons
Ashlee or Jessica Simpson
Donny and Marie Osmond
Vitamin Cottage lady in their tv commercials
Miley or Billy Ray Cyrus
Uncle Kracker
Rascal Flatts
Victoria Beckam
Suzi Orman
Levi (father of Sarah Palin's grandbaby)
Sarah Palin
Amy Winehouse
Paul Schaffer (David Letterman's band dude)
Spencer and Heidi
Real Housewifes of...pick one
Kathy Lee Gifford
Tara Reid
Lady Gaga
John and Kate Gosselin
Rosie O'Donnell
Chris Brown
Mariah Carey
Anyone on The View
Jake from "The Bachelor"
George W. Bush

That's probably good enough for today.

The kid next door

2010-02-03T10:16:00.002-07:00

We grew up in the best neighborhood for kids. The street was laid out in a big circle, perfect for riding your bike round and round and round....I bet it was about 1/2 mile around. There were tons of kids on our block. And there was this super fun family with a rockin' pool down the street. We knew most every family on the block...in fact still to this day I can drive the old neighborhood and point to the house and know the family name. Next door to us lived this family with one boy. He was a shy boy who was pretty fat. We played with him once in a while...he was ok I guess. Now I was the kind of kid who hosted things like Pogo-Stick Tournaments for the neighborhood (no one is really shocked right?). I would have posters advertising the tournament and sign up sheets for kids to participate. Then I would create contest heats and judge the whole tournament which took place in the driveway of our house. Anyway. It was a fun neighborhood. Back to the fat kid next door. He "friended" me on facebook today. I had to laugh. I can't believe he wants to be my friend....but I accepted anyway. Here's the story. This one day he beat up my brother Bob. Not bad, but still. He was several years older than Bob and at that age years meant alot as far as size and strength. I was pissed off. I went over to his house, knocked on the door, invited his fat ass outside, and proceeded to beat the hell out of him. I spouted things in between punches like "NO ONE picks on MY brother and gets away with it". The bout gathered quite the crowd of neighborhood on-lookers. It was a scene. Needless-to-say I don't remember the fat kid next door ever coming out of his house to play with us ever again. Alas, this is why I am shocked he wants to be "friends" on facebook. Shrug. Oh well. Remember, no one picks on my brother and gets aways with it. :)

Crazy Craigslist

2010-02-03T09:56:00.003-07:00

Don't get me wrong, I love me some Craigslist. We have bought and sold tons of stuff on Craigslist and I am a super fan. For example, we bought a side-by-side stainless steel fridge for $800 (the price for the same fridge at Home Depot was $2400). Nuff said. HOWEVER, I seem to attract some weirdos on Craigslist that I have to sift through everytime I use it. I have received text messages at 9:30 at night on a Monday saying they wanted to buy the item NOW, they have cash, I must meet them at 10 pm at ____ and ____. Ahem. Hell and no. As the night goes on the texts become more and more crazy. IGNORE. I get spammed pretty regularly with these get rich quick stuff or other random things. And then yesterday, I spend a good part of the day emailing back and forth with this woman who wants to buy my Treo Smartphone. Questions about the condition of the phone. Questions on the operating system in the phone. Questions. After all of this back and forth we agreed to meet today at the Aurora Mall food court by the Subway at 9:30 am so she could look at the phone and hopefully buy it. FINALLY. We only went back and forth with about 20 emails. I look up the Aurora Mall on line, figure out which entrance to go into for the fastest walk to the food court (I see they have a Cinnabon....yum yum) so I am ready to be rid of this phone. I am getting ready to leave this morning and she emails me that she spent part of the money she was going to use to buy the phone last night and wanted to know if I would take $40 instead of $65. Hell no bitch. *Sigh* So there are some crazy rude peeps on Craigslist...but I am not gonna stop using it. The real crap of the deal today....was that I realllly had my mouth set on gettin me some Cinnabon with my phone money. That makes me hate that girl even more.

Grocery store pedestrians

2010-02-01T10:12:00.003-07:00

Somebody has got to explain to me why people think it's safe to walk into or out of a grocery store with absolutely no regard for the cars driving in the road in front of the store. Have you seen this? People are on their phones, pushing carts, wrangling kids or whatever with their heads down or looking straight ahead with NO awareness of the 4 tons of steel moving towards them. I know cars are supposed to yield to the people around the grocery store entrance. I KNOW THAT. But why are these grocery store pedestrians so trusting of the people behind the wheel? Drivers could be distracted or in a hurry and POW....dead grocery store pedestrian. Part II of this is what happened to the courtesy wave when a car yields for you to walk in front of their car? All is required is a little eye contact and a wave and everyone is safe...and the driver of the yielding car feels good....acknowledged for their "kindness". I'm just sayin'.

Chips

2010-01-27T14:30:00.002-07:00

Hey. You. You know who you are. Ask yourself something. Were you there for me during my time of need? At my lowest time? Did you reach out to me to just let me know that you are there for me? C'mon really, were you there for me when the chips were down? Were you? If you were my true friend you wouldn't have to ask yourself those questions. If you let me down as a friend then why do you still read my blog? You don't deserve to know me through my blog...if you don't know me in life. You don't deserve to see how I am and what I am doing anymore. You should know the nasty things you said about me to your other "friends" would get back to me. They would tell me the things you said. You should know that. So as you take inventory of the people in your life, remember, the ones you think are your closest friends, really, aren't.

Save the Date

2010-01-26T16:45:00.001-07:00

I love creative people. Check out the video on this page. It's the most creative Save the Date I have ever seen. Bravo. Bravo.

Name game

2010-01-25T13:57:00.004-07:00

Todd and I have been playing the "name game" pretty much from the first day we found out we are having a baby. "What do you think of _____?" We found out that we knew a lot of whores and drunks in our years because every time one of us brings up a name ONE of us knew some dumb whore with that same name. Ha. Well then...cross THAT name off the list. Ha. Even after all of the name-crossing-off-the-list we have a list of 3 names that we both love. We won't name her until we meet her....but I certainly have my favorite name. Just last night we were playing the name game. Some guy on TV was talking about his sister who was the inspiration for all his successes, and her name was Jane. I said, "Jane, that's a pretty name." And Todd said, "Jane, you ignorant slut." (A la Saturday Night Live). Well. Cross it off the list then.

Pregnant

2010-01-22T13:14:00.004-07:00

This is me at 27 weeks....so 3 weeks ago. BLISS!

Getting pregnant was really a heart breaking challenge. Looking back on it...makes my heart ache. The doctor visits. The constant blood draws. Black and blue arms. The waiting. The disappointment. The feeling of being "broken". The clomid meds that made me have night sweats and lose hours of sleep each night. The tears after starting my period AGAIN. Having to put a smile on my face and be the leader at work...when inside my heart was aching. The stress at work. The fact that my bosses rolled their eyes at me when I told them I had another doctor's appointment. (Keep in mind peeps, both of my (now former) bosses are WOMEN and MOTHERS). *Sigh*

Todd was my rock through all of this. It brought us closer together. He is the most amazing person I have ever known.

The light at the end of the lonely tunnel of infertility had many sources. FEBRUARY 2009: I started taking Clomid an infertility med that helps with ovulation. MARCH 2009: A dear friend suggested I start seeing an acupuncturist that her sister (now with 2 gorgeous kids) saw during her challenges with infertility. I LOVED my weekly sessions with the acupuncturist. It was so relaxing for me. APRIL 2009: I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. MAY 2009: The doctors found the right combination of meds to help treat my PCOS. JUNE 2009: We discovered my thyroid and TSH levels were wayyy out of whack. We got that leveled out and my TSH levels were back to normal. Between the PCOS and the Thyroid, I had 2 different doctors tell me it would take a miracle to get pregnant. I promptly changed doctors. Who needs that kind of negativity around? Sure as hell not me.

On Thursday July 23rd, my period was late. I was scared to get my hopes up....again. Todd and I hovered over the pg test. The test was defective. Sweet. Didn't give us a result. So on my way to work I swung into King Soopers to grab yet another box of tests. Those freaking tests are expensive. Sheesh. Anyway. I kept opening my drawer at work and looking at the tests in my purse. I decided to go ahead and pee on one to see what I would see. So in the 3rd stall on the left at my office I pee'd on the stick and waited. Positive. I shrieked. I floated back to my office with the positive test in my pocket. Later that night I paced the house waiting for Todd to come home. I wanted to tell him in person that we were going to have a baby. Like the dork that I am....I put a hamburger bun in the oven....and waited. He walked in the door. I laid the biggest kiss on that handsome devil and then pointed at the oven. "What is that?" I said. He looked and said, "Well, it's a bun. (Pause) It's a bun in the oven. (Pause) WE-HAVE-A-BUN-IN-THE-OVEN!!!!" Jubilance ensued and our lived changed forever that day....and lucky for us...will never be the same.

Hello again Hello

2010-01-22T13:00:00.004-07:00

Hello again hello. (Insert the voice of Lionel Richie singing this ballet.) At least that is the way I hear it in my head.

I don't want to declare that I am back to blogging...however I will say that I am going to post today. We will see if I post again sooner than 6 months. No commitment.

I don't know where to start. So much has happened.

We are pregnant. Weeeee! I am 30 weeks (aka 7 1/2 months) and due April 4th. We are having a little girl and just over the MOON about it.

I lost my job. Those rat bastards at my former work. Rat-freaking-bastards.

We got the first shipment of the baby furniture yesterday. The armoire will be here in a few weeks. Check out the pic. The dog insisted on being in the picture. Sweet Barkley. We still need to buy the mattress and bedding...but this is a good start. I had a realllly hard time starting to create our baby room. I worried that we would create this gorgeous baby room....and something would happen to the baby. You may think I am crazy. Hell. I am crazy. But I am a realist. Things still could go horribly wrong. However, I am at the place where I think, "let go and let God." I am not a religious freak....but in this case....that saying just works for me.

Those are the big things.

I know...I am over the MJ coverage too...but...

2009-07-17T09:33:00.003-06:00

I hear you....over it. But I saw these stats and was shocked...and then not shocked at all. Check out what a world wide hysteria Michael Jackson's death caused. These digital stats are nutty....saying that nearly 40 million people watched his memorial on line....gulp....40 million. Think about the people watched it live on tv...or tivo'ed it. Holy-freaking-crap.

CNN: 10.5 million live streams (second-highest ever—topped only by the Obama inauguration); 781,000 concurrent streams; 15.6 million unique visitors; Quite a bit of “citizen journalism” action as well: there were 646 Michael Jackson-related submissions to iReport, 31 of which CNN used on air or on CNN.com.

Msnbc.com: 19 million total streams (surpassed the record set during its online coverage of the 2009 inauguration); 510,000 concurrent streams; over 75,000 Michael Jackson-related tweets through its live feed/Tinker integration.

Yahoo: 5 million total streams (blowing away the 1.8 million streams during the Obama inauguration)—but fewer concurrent streams: 385,000 simultaneous streamers for Jackson’s memorial, compared to 430,000 for the inauguration.

ABC: 6 million live streams (across ABCnews.com and partner sites including Yahoo and Charter); over 500,000 hits to its mobile news site m.abcnews.com; 50,000 status updates through Facebook Connect.

FoxNews.com: 3.4 million total streams (compared to 5 million on Inauguration Day); over 676,800 concurrent streams.
E! Online: Around 87,000 streams through Facebook Connect; 939,000 unique visits and 6.9 million page views.

Wow.

Dinner

2009-07-16T16:32:00.002-06:00

Want to know what stresses me out every-single-day? Freaking what to make for dinner. My beloved husband is a picky eater. Before we were married I used to just start cooking when I got home...whatever popped in my head first. Todd would eat it...and not say one word. But I would notice he didn't eat much...and would often have a bowl of cereal later. But now that we are married....it's somehow different. Now if I start cooking before he gets home without asking what he is in the mood for.... sweet my Todd will come home and say he wasn't in the mood for that and have cereal 9 times out of 10. Ha.

Now, please folks, please don't think that I am complaining or bitching about my huz....even though most of you are shaking your head and thinking.....Damn. Just cook and he can freaking eat cereal every night right? Hahah. I know that most husbands are just thrilled to have a hot meal and would eat cardboard if we put gravy on it. However, Todd does like what he likes. And I love him for it. And from what I can tell...what he wants for dinner depends on 2 elements. One, the weather, if it's hot as hell he wants something light for dinner. I guess that is reasonable right? And two, what he had for lunch that day. If he had a light lunch or an early lunch, he wants pasta or a casserole or something in the meat and potatoes department.

So picture our house around dinner time. I have reviewed the freezer and pantry and have come up with 3 options for dinner. He tells me the top 2 he wants and I pick the one I want from those 2 options. I just read what I typed and think I am crazy as a shit-house rat to do this...but we do things for the ones we love...right?

Man...I kinda feel like a bitch posting this....but this is a day in my life...and this shit stresses me out.

Even today

2009-07-16T16:17:00.002-06:00

Even today when I see a picture of Scott Peterson, the man who murdered his beautiful wife and unborn son...I curl my lip in disgust. He makes me sick to my stomach. I just saw a story where his parents have exhausted all of their financial resources to fund his appeal cases and they are asking the general public to donate $5-$50 to his cause on some website. His family was quoted saying "many hands make light work." Really? Suck it. No way in the world would I donate to you. It pisses me off that he gets to play cards and basketball 5 hours a day. His son would be 6 years old now....I bet he would like to play for 5 hours a day with his mom. The fact that he spends the other 19 hours a day in a 4'x9' cell doesn't give me any solace either. Sorry. I just had to vent.

Katie...hope you like the changes...

2009-07-04T13:20:00.000-06:00

....this blog is for you. :)

Bob and Rebecca's wedding

2009-06-30T17:07:00.002-06:00

Whoa...I can't believe I haven't posted about their wedding. What-a-freaking-blast! The Redstone Inn rocks. It's so beautiful there. The drive to Redstone was equally as fab. Redstone Colorado was a huge mining town back in the day. The Redstone Inn was formally housing for the single miners before it was converted to an Inn/Resort. The miners with family lived in the houses on the one road that runs through town. The whole weekend was wonderful. My brother looked so handsome. Rebecca looked like a princess. It was cool. Bob was so freaking nervous...it was sweet. For their first dance they did a choreographed fox trot to Madonna's song "Music". I could NOT believe it....even though I knew they were gonna do it. Totally outside of Bob's comfort zone...which is what made it even cooler. The party continued into the wee hours of the morning and people ended up in the pool in their bras and undies (er...not me....come on peeps). Blast! They get home from over a week in Hawaii today. Aloha newlyweds. xoxo