Nicole

When Em and I were roommates, we had the dumbest roommate ever. EVER. Our roomie Jenn was moving in with her boyfriend and we needed a 3rd person to live with us. Since we lived close to the DU campus...we thought we would advertise for a DU grad student to be our roomie. We got an applicant that we both liked. She had just returned from the Peace Corp and was a Poli Sci Grad Student. OK. Here we go. We asked her over for some drinks to "interview" her. Nicole showed up at our house. Pretty. Outgoing. Rich a la mom and dad. SOLD. Nicole moved in and instantly Em and I realized....shit. She's NOT smart. Pretty. NOT smart. This girl was sooo rich that every little thing in her life up until now was done by "staff"...she had NO street or common smarts at all.

Here are a couple examples.

Em and I were sitting on the couch and we hear Nicole crashing around in the bathroom. She walks out with a lightbulb in her hand. She looked at us and said that she wasn't sure how to put a new lightbulb in. OK OK...the joke...how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb comes to mind. I can tell you the punchline....ONE blonde....ME!

Nicole had lived with us for weeks when this happened. Nicole was in the shower and she came out and said, "Guys, I think there is a leak in the shower." Concerned, Emily and I go into the bathroom and ask her why she thinks there is a leak. She explains that the floor in the bathroom always gets so wet when she takes a shower. Em looks and notices that she has the shower curtain on the OUTSIDE of the tub. She pushes the shower curtain in....in total frustration...and tells her that the curtain goes INSIDE the tub. I laughed outloud...in a YOU DUMB ASS... kind of tone....and walked out of the bathroom. In the coming days...the water damage from our GED hopeful's shower habits caused the ceiling to fall into the basement. Sweet.

This is my favorite Nicole story. Em and I were sitting in the living room. Nicole walks out and says, "Did you know that the price of stamps went up one cent?" We both reply "Yes" in unison without taking our eyes off of the TV. Nicole then replies...in total frustration "I just spend $40 on stamps and they were totally wasted. I threw them in the trash." Em and I nod at her and give her understanding looks. Then once Nicole walks out of the room. I say to Em, "are you thinking what I am thinking?" Without another word, we both jumped up and fished her $40 of "wasted" stamps out of the trash and split them between us.... laughing maniacally the whole time.

Emily is the sweetest girl I have ever met...and never wanted to kick Nicole out. I did. Emily left for an 8-week Archeological dig in Peru. I kicked Nicole out within 48 hours of her departure. B-bye. See ya nut case! After Nicole moved out she came back into the house and took the lids off of all of the condiments in the fridge and all of my hair products. Since I knew that she was a nut case...I just threw all of that stuff out out of fear that she had messed with my stuff. Yes, I was out some serious cash...but couldn't take a chance that my hair would fall out. I changed the locks and slept really well that night.