F

We got an invitation from Ava's school for a Father's Day party this afternoon.  On the front it says, "Your Invited".  Really?  I own invited?  What is an invited?  F - a big red F.  You're is you are.  Your is possessive.  I really have a huge pet peeve for this.  This is the daycare and highly accredited school we rip up 100 bills each week so she can be a part of their educational system?  Scared.

Clichés

I speak using clichés all the time.  I didn't realize this until recently.  At my new job, 99% of the employees are French.  They all speak like 4 languages.  At work I have to really check my use of clichés at the door. Ha.  I have found that many American phrases are lost in translation with the French.  In one of my first staff meetings I said, "We are really behind the 8-ball on this event."  And they all giggled.  No one would tell me what was funny.  I explained the American phrase or cliché for "behind the 8-ball" refers to the game of pool or billiards and the position of the cue ball in a tough spot...behind the 8-ball.  More giggles.  OK.  I'm pretty sure they think I am an avid drug user.  So anyway... this same thing has happened a few more times.  The other day I said, "trying to find a needle in a haystack".  Giggles.  I'm sure they think... what in the hell is she talking about someone shooting up in a barn?  And another drug reference.  Or "Not to beat a dead horse."  I'm sure they thought....this girl is crazy, likes to hurt animals...and what is up with her obsession with farms and farm animals?  And just today I said, "It's raining like cats and dogs out there."  Again.  More animals and totally lost in translation.  Even I don't know what the hell it really means to rain like cats and dogs.  Hum. 

Birds

This going back to work, being a part time stay-at-home mom and being sick all the time thing is for the birds.  So tired of being tired and sick. Sick and tired.  Ha.  I had the longest day yesterday. Got to work and was busy all day.  They are getting full-time work out of me...for this part time job.  Then at 5:15 pm I am grabbing my purse to go pick up Ava and one of our board members walks in my office and plops down to chat.  She has a 6 pm French class here and just wanted to say hi.  Dammit.  I try to politely tell her I need to go pick up my daughter, but she wasn't catching my drift.  Ava was at my parent's house yesterday so I knew I could be a wee bit late.  They won't charge me a $1 a minute for being late...like daycare does.  Ha.  Anyway I finally get released from my hostage situation and rush for the door.  Traffic was ridiculous.  And THEN as I am merging onto I-25 from 6th Avenue this stupid guy on a motorcycle cuts ME off, then flips ME off and I miss my exit.  Oh well...I go to the next one and turn around but it added 15 minutes to my already long drive.  THEN as I am getting close to home I witness a car accident right in front of me and decide to pull over and give my statement.  Thank goodness no one was hurt.  I didn't get home until 7:30 pm.  Poor Ava.  She was OVER it and tired.  And so was I.  Cheers to a better day today!  :)

Easter

Yesterday was Ava's 2nd Easter.  She was 5 days old last Easter.  So now, she's been in our world for at least ONE of every holiday.  Just buidling memories here peeps.  Here's a few cute pictures of our girl on Easter.  She's a cutie patootie. 

Village

I have the most amazing friends in the world.  I feel blessed to have such a great group of people in my life.  I have been feeling a little isolated somedays because we live so far from everyone.  I know my friends would do anything for me and I would do anything for them.  Sadly my very bestest friends live pretty far away.  Although I know they would be here as fast as possible if I needed them and visa versa...I wish they lived closer.  I have always wished we had cool neighbors to hang out with on weekends.  Or friends for Ava that are close to us.  Just hasn't been in the cards....until recently.  My friend Rene` introduced me to her    childhood best friend Carolyn.  She lives literally 5 minutes away.  Her husband Jay is so cool and they have a 5 year old daughter.  We have done several things with them and they rock.  Carolyn watches Ava from time to time....like today.  I had a dentist appointment and instead of having to drive so far to have family watch her for an hour, Carolyn watched her.  Ava loves Carolyn and never cries when she is there.  Today I called Carolyn after my dentist appointment and she said that Ava was sleeping and I should go run an errand.  So I ran to Target to pick up a few things.  While I was there I ran into a childhood friend of mine, Michelle.  She said, "What are you doing out here?"  And I said, "I live out here!"  We both laughed and talked of how far we live from everyone.  We exchanged phone numbers.  Yay!  A few weeks back I found out that an old friend of mine from radio, Julie, lives right up the street from us.  Another friend.  Close.  It takes a village they say and I am rebuilding my village close to home. 

Born

I'm addicted to that show "One Born Every Minute".  I dvr record it and watch it when Todd is not home or sleeping.  He is not amused about a show about women giving birth.  I watch the show and cry.  I am sure that is another reason why Todd doesn't like watching this show with me either.  Shock.  Ha.  Sometimes watching the show makes me want to have another baby so bad.  Because Ava's birth was a c-section, we missed out on that delivery experience.  Where the doctor lays the baby on your chest and you get to hold them and kiss them moments after their birth day.  I had a bad c-section and had a flurry of docs around me because of my issues during the surgery.  And Ava was whisked off to the NICU.  I didn't see her for over 5 hours after she was born.  I really wish we had that bonding moment right after she was born.  In the big picture I feel blessed she is here and healthy.  But I can still wish I would have had a more natural experience.  So.  I watch this show and get over it. 

Flu

I started my new job last week in the midst of one of the toughest weeks I have had in a while.  My schedule is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.  OK.  Monday, Ava woke up with her first illness...stomach flu.  Blech.  We ironically already had an appointment at her doctor for that morning.  Ava puked all over me sitting in the doctor's office.  Poor boo.  Then she puked all over me again later that afternoon.  I was starting my new job and nervous about leaving a sick baby.  Tuesday, Todd came home from work with the stomach flu.  He has never taken even one day of sick leave in 8 years at this job...so I knew he was really sick.  My parents watch Ava on Tuesdays so they had her the 2nd day of her flu.  She seemed to do ok, didn't puke again and didn't have a fever so I took her to school on Wednesday.  Todd stayed home from work on Wednesday...really really sick.  I go to day 2 of my new job only to puke all over my office in the afternoon.  Sweet.  I went home early.  I puked all the way home out my car door.  Ava had an awful day at school/day care and cried most of the day unless someone was holding her.  I got her home on Wednesday and both Todd and I are siiiiiick.  Sucky.  It was tough to care for Ava because we both were so wiped out.  And she was so clingy after being at school...she just wanted to be held...and we both just wanted to puke.  Thursday, I'm feeling better and Todd is doing ok.  I go to work, and Todd only makes it a few hours before he was home again.  Ava had another challenging day at school.  Sigh.  Then the shitstorm of other tough things starts.  My best friend's dad passed away.  :( My grandpa went into the hospital and was/is not doing well.  My parents had to put their dog Shelby to sleep...she was very ill and 17 years old.  Our toilet broke (money we don't have to fix blah).  And so on and so on.  One thing after another.  At one point I looked at Todd and said, I didn't think I could take any more. 

And on an amazing note, my sister had her 2nd child and she's wonderful happy and healthy.  SO wonderful.  Her birth kept me going.  I missed her birth because we had been so sick and I would never want to expose her to an icky sickness.  I was so broken up about missing her birth.  I wanted to be there sooo bad.  Sigh.

Things are going better now....and I know that God will only give me what He knows I can handle.  I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Anxiety

I start my new job tomorrow.  Besides having the normal starting-a-new-job jitters....I am really nervous about all the change in OUR lives.  My job schedule affects me, Todd, Ava, my parents and even our pets.  Ava will be with my parents on Tuesdays...and at school Weds and Thursdays.  Change.  The dog and cat have gotten really used to having people around all of the time.  Fine.  They will adjust.  Todd will have to get up earlier for work and working late will not be a possibility some nights.  Sigh.  And I will have some night and weekend events to run.  More change.  To add insult to injury Ava woke up late today and she had puked sometime this morning.  Boo. She didn't even cry after she puked.  Poor boo.  I got her up fed her breakfast and she was acting like she felt fine.  Then sitting at her 1-year old doctor visit this morning she puked all over me.  Poor girl.  I hope she's not getting sick after only being in school 2, 1/2 days last week.  I am having anxiety.  I'm the one who wanted to go back to work and my need is making so many people's lives different.  I need to take a deep breath.  I need a pep talk.

Teak

I love Craigslist.  Love it.  We buy and sell stuff on it all the time.  I think it's silly to pay retail for some things.  I just posted a rocking chair and Ava's musical jumper for sale.  We're not using it, time to get some money for it.  Anyway.  We are going to sell our Teak desk too.  Before we had Ava, our 2nd bedroom was an office/guest room.  Cut to today... Ava's room has all of her stuff...and also has this gi-norm-ous teak desk with our computer and printer.  She needs more room, we are going to buy a laptop.  Time to sell the desk.  I get online and start searching to get a price range for this teak desk.  It is really a gorgeous piece of furniture, but we don't have room for it...and I want a laptop.  I discover that this desk that WE bought on Craigslist for $150 is worth....a....lot....more.  I found it being sold for anywhere from $699 to $490....plus shipping.  Holy moly.  If you have time...google....Domino Mobler Mid-Century Modern Teak Desk.  Think we need to ask for more than $150 huh? 

J-O-B

I got a job.  Yes-sir-ree.  Doing marketing and fundraising at a local French school.  It's an event planning, marketing, social media, website, sales and sponsorship position.  Perfect.  Its 3 days a week (Tues, Weds and Thurs) and I am thrilled.  I will be taking French classes to become fluent again.  Kinda excited to practice my French again.  Kinda excited to wear something other than yoga pants everyday.  Kinda excited.

Birthday!

Today is Ava's 1st birthday.  I danced all around the house this morning singing, "Hey Shorty, it's your birfday, we're gonna party like it's your birfday!"  Ava laughed at first, but then I could see my antics were wearing thin on her and she started to furrow her brow at me every time.  Ha.  That reaction actually fueled my fire so I sung louder and longer.  If we can't embarrass our kids what good are we?  Ahhhh Ava.  I remember this day last year....I am so thankful for my sassy, sweet, beautiful, smart and amazing daughter.

OK...the tale of 2 mornings...

I just got back from dropping Ava off for her "trial run" day at daycare.  She will be there through lunch and naptime and I will go pick her up at 2 pm.  I feel awful doing it on her birthday...but sometimes.... timing just sucks.  I start my new job next week (I will post on that later) :)  Anyway. I cried as I was packing up her stuff.  I was a hot mess.  Sobbing like a 1st grader with a skinned knee.  Blech.  OK.  I got it together before Ava got up for the day (she loves her sleep).  I got her all ready and loaded up in the car.  I drove to the daycare and I could feel my hands shaking.  Sigh. I took her into Miss Olga's room.  Got her set up.  Kissed her goodbye....and slipped out the door.  I turned to run back in and grab her....and another mom saw/caught me.  I smiled, turned and rushed past her.  She said, "You know, it does get easier."  I BURST into tears.  I started telling her in a squeaky rambling voice that only dogs and dolphins could understand that today was my first drop off and today is her birthday and I start a new job next week and I feel awful doing her test run on her birthday and I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying.  Good freaking Lord.  I hurried past her and hopped in my car and cried and cried...that ugly cry where your face gets all red and distorted.  Yup.  That's me. I drove to the Starbucks down the street and then sat in my car.  I'm sure I looked like a psycho.  I started to drive home and turned around and drove past her daycare again...and again.  And then I could hear myself say outloud, "Emily, get your shit together, sheesh!"  And I drove home.  I pick her up in 3 hours and 50 minutes.  I bet they have an office pool at the daycare as to how many times I will call....and how long it will take for me to call the first time.  Pretty sure. 

MOD

I met some amazing people during my time at March of Dimes. I think the woman that affected me the most was Kim.  Kim gave birth to twins prematurely and lost both girls after days and weeks of struggle and fighting for their lives.  Their names where Addison and Makenze.  I remember the first time she came to a volunteer meeting at MOD after losing the girls.  She sat at the table and cried the entire time.....almost like it was the first time she had let loose.  She bawled in fact.  Right there in the meeting.  There were many hugs offered up....and she refused... she just wanted to be left alone and listen....and deal with her loss.  She wanted to help others to help heal her own heart.  She needed to cry.  She wanted to help raise money for research so another mother would never have to endure the loss she had lived.  No one cries alone in my presence...so I had to conduct the meeting with tears streaming down my cheeks the entire time.  Sigh. 

Kim and I got close quick.  She is my age and very cool...very hip...I love her.  I remember seeing her stand at our In Memoriam Of Wall at our big annual event...and I watched her as she quietly wrote the names of her daughters on pieces of paper and placed them gingerly on the wall.  She bawled.  I bawled from afar.  I waited for her to finish and hugged her as long as she would let me....I would have hugged forever.  Kim and her sweet hubs now have 2 daughters....gorgeous girls.  People who have never had a hard time getting or staying pregnant....or have never experienced the loss of a pregnancy...or worse yet...the death of a baby....really can't understand.  They try...but they can't. 

Jif

That Jif commercial where the boy makes his own lunch and then a lunch for his mom makes me crazy.  The mom says, "You made your own lunch!"  Then the boy says, "I made something for you too Mom.  The bus is here....I gotta go!"  OK.  What was the boy going to HAVE for lunch if he DIDN'T make his own....MOM?  The bus was there and he needed to leave.  The mom didn't get it done.  Sorry.  The ad agency for that commercial should be fired.  Every time I see it I shake my head.

Wind

Yesterday Ava and I went for a great walk.  It was sunny and 70 degrees.  Perfect.  We got about 3 miles down the trail....and ran into another parent out with his kids.  He said, "it's it gorgeous out.  I thought it was supposed to crazy windy today."  I agreed and we went on our way.  Just then.... it was like God said, "really?  I will show you wind! POOOOWWWW!"  Awful hurricane force winds kicked up.  Holy crap.  I had to walk/run uphill for 3 miles pushing a 20 lb kid in a stroller that is NOT wind resistant in head on wicked wind.  Ava was protected with the cover on her stroller...which by the way made the stroller even LESS wind resistant....but she was still not happy.  It took me 30 minutes to get home.  I was dripping with sweat and so tired.  Today my legs are not sore...just so tired.  What a workout.  Blah!  I hate wind.  So much for a nice walk....blech...wind.  Pffffff. 

Update

Oh my sweet Ava.  She is a few days away from being one!  She makes me want to be a better person.  She makes me smile and my heart soar when I am blue.  She has a heart of gold.  I love her so much.  She's cruising around the furniture and will walk any day.  She just cut 2 teeth.  And her favorite word is "daddy" (mine too).  She has 3 words "Daddy", "Mama" and "Doggie".  At this moment she just woke up from her nap and I can hear her calling me...."Mmmmmmmmmmama!"  "Mmmmmmmmmmmammmmmmma!"  Time to go kiss my girl.  xxxx

Daycare

I'm researching daycare options again.  I am getting close on a job I really want.  Now they have to show me the money.  I'm worth it.  Anyway.  Daycare is highway robbery.  Now get this - 2 days a week (my parents are doing one day a week of our daycare) is $190.  Ok.  That's $95 a day.  Really?  Full time day care is $265.  Now I may not be a math genius, but I do own a calculator.  That's $53 a day.  So full time is only $75 bucks more?  Now that is a bunch of malarky.  Don't they understand that part time people make much less?  MUCH less.  I could hire an in home nanny for that price....which we may do.  I have more research to do...but I am in the wrong business. 

Sun

It's supposed to be 68 degrees today.  Ava and I are gonna go for a walk in the sun.  Yay! 

We had such a busy weekend.  I went to Erin's baby shower.  She is having twin girls.  It was such a fun shower.  In the past...I have generally not enjoyed baby showers.  I have always tried to figure out why....maybe it's the silly shower games, the squealing women when every present is opened...or maybe because I soooo wanted to have a baby. I still don't know for sure.  I DO know that I had a great-fab-wonderful time at Erin's shower.  Yes, I have a baby now, maybe that is it.  But truly I think it was because it was hosted at a cool French restaurant.  The company was very nice.  And...I am so freaking happy for Erin.  Seriously....so happy.  Besides MY shower...I have loved this shower the most of all.  Good times.

After the shower, I hurried home scooped up my family and darted down to Littleton for my Grandpa Cheever's 89th birthday party.  Wow....89....I hope to be so lucky to live so long.  I love him so.

Sunday the fun continued with a brunch with the ex-radio-geeks.  Paul, Sharon, Katie, Christine, Sadie, Julie, Adam, Olivia, Max, Fizz, Sarah, Delilah, Todd, Ava...and me.  Of that group of ex-radio-geeks...only Adam still works in radio.  It was such fun and we laughed a lot.  It was fun to watch our kids all play together.  At one point I sat back and enjoyed the fact that we all have been friends for so long.  We have all seen so many different phases of our lives together.  Good friends. 

I feel blessed.

Reminder

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck 
(written after she found out she was dying of cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day be cause my hair had just been done. 


I would have sat on the lawn and not worried about grass stains. 
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. 

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.'

There would have been more I love you's.  More I'm sorry's. 

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it, and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! 

Laptop

My sister let me borrow her laptop so that I can job search when Ava is sleeping.  I set up the wifi connection in our house and I am offffff!  I am so excited.  I spend 2 hours today searching and applying for jobs.  I have a 2nd interview tomorrow.  Fingers crossed.  I haven't been on a computer this long with Ava here...well...never.  It has been a good day.  I have gotten caught up on so much stuff.  I even found a mom's group by me and RSVP'ed for a play date for next week.  Ava really needs more social interaction with other kids.  I mean...I am one hellva playmate for her...but I always share and never push her around.  She needs to learn to play with other kids.  I am excited for the new things in our lives.  And...now I have internet access....I will be able to blog when I want.  I often think...I want to blog about this that or the other...and then forget.  Life is good.

Valentine

We stayed in for Valentine's Day last night.  It was a Monday.  And.  It was a Monday.  We decided to do take-out Sushi (my fav) for dinner last night.  I called and called our local Sushi joint to place our order, no answer.  It's just a few blocks away so I hopped in the car to drive over.  It was packed.  Every table was full.  None of the folks at the tables had food or drink.  Angry faces.  There was a line 20+ deep to be helped.  The phone was ringing off the hook.  It was loud and full of sounds of angry voices.  There was no love in the air.  Ha.  They only had 2 Sushi chefs, one gal behind the counter and one gal "waiting" on tables.  An A+ mess.  I left.  Sad.  Sushi is such a treat these days.  I had been looking forward to it for weeks.  I drove home with a scowl on my face.  Hungry.  All day today I can't stop thinking about what a total cluster f that restaurant was last night.  I keep running ideas through my head of what I would do differently if *I* owned a restaurant on this hallmark holiday of love.  I would have made a financial killing last night.