Forty

Yesterday was Todd's 40th birthday.  He said the sweetest thing at dinner last night.  He said that on his 34th birthday he remembered feeling blue and wondering what his life would be like when he turned 40.  He said he NEVER thought he would have a beautiful (awe) wife and daughter by 40.  He said that is a lot to accomplish in 6 years.  *tear*

Porn

I work at French school.  We often have people bring donated books by for our library.  Last week we got a call from a gentleman who said he had many beautiful French photo magazines he wanted to donate.  The gentleman and his sweet and quiet wife brought the "photo" magazines by.  There were about 100+ of them.  I thanked them and said we would get good use of them in our library.  The wife shot me a funny look...which I didn't understand....UNTIL....I pulled one of the "photo" magazines out.  Whoa nelly.  Porn.  Not Hustler like porn.  But very naked men and women everywhere....but yes, the "words" were in French....but damn.  Our whole staff laughed and laughed.  I keep laughing when I think of the look his wife shot me...and the way the gentleman said, "these are very cherished photo magazines but I needed to get rid of them.  I couldn't bare throwing them away."  Good lord.  The photo magazines are safe and sound in the back closet here...but we keep joking about what to do with them.  The French.  They are very funny.

Name

Enough people have asked me what the name of my blog means that I feel it's time for an explanation. Pantala Naga Pampa is a four-line song by the Dave Matthews Band on the "Before These Crowded Streets" album.


Come and relax now.

Put your troubles down.

No need to bear the weight of your worries.

You let them all fall away.

I have heard two translations to this phrase. First, the phrase is Gambian for "Welcome to our (my) home." It is also translated into "I have a python in my pants" in Indian. The first translation is more appropriate for my blog. However, who doesn't want a python in their pants? Ha.

As far as why Dave named this classic song as he did, the story goes that there was an Indian chef who cooked for the band during the recording of "Crash", who would shout out "pantala naga pampa" for reasons that were not entirely clear to anyone. This apparently cracked Dave up, who would shout it out back to the chef. When the instrumental piece appeared on "Before These Crowded Streets" as the first track, the song needed a name for the CD's track listing. Dave, who may (or may not) have then known what the phrase meant, thought that it would be funny to title the track "Pantala Naga Pampa." And so he did. And so did I.

Coupon

I have a Burger King close to my work.  Generally, I only go there to buy a soda for the road.  Who needs the calories or the stomach ache right?  Anyway.  Last time I was there to buy a soda they asked me if I wanted to buy a coupon book and support this local school.  Sure.  I tossed the coupon book in my purse and forgot about it.  Today I was starving and needed a quick bite between appointments.  I swung into Burger King.  I decided I would get a Whopper Jr (no onions), fry and soda.  Bad girl.  Anyway.  I see that the Value Meal is $3.59.  I show the girl at the counter my "coupon" for a free fry and order the burger and the drink.  She says, "that will be $5.62." Whoa.  I asked her why so much?  A freaking Value Meal is $3.59.  She explains that when I order the things separate it's more expensive...but that is the only way to use the "coupon"....can't do Value Meal price.  OK.  I know it's the lunch hour and no one wants to see me get up on my high-horse...over a couple bucks...but I did.  The manager came over and I explained the situation and how the math didn't add up.  My meal ended up being $3.00....but I am pretty sure it came with a free booger.

Bonding

Ava moved to a bigger classroom at daycare last week.  I was freaked (on the inside).  We just got her settled in the other room.  I didn't want to pull the rug out from under her....again.  She is doing ok in the bigger kid room....and she is really tired by the end of the day.  Today, her teacher asked me if it was ok if she played with Ava's hair as a way of bonding with her.  I said, "hell yes, and you can play with MY hair too....I think we need to bond as well."  She was a little shocked I said that...and laughed nervously.  Oooops.  Oh well, she will get used to me....just in time to have Ava move to a bigger room...and I can shock her new teacher too.  I foresee this behavior embarrassing Ava in a few years.  She too will get used to me. 

Risk

Whenever making a change, I try to measure the risk versus the reward.  I took a big risk at my new job.  I cancelled our Fall fundraising event because I felt it had run its course and it was time for something new.  I got several furrowed brows and 2nd guessing for cancelling the event.  I begged for the board of directors and staff to just trust me.  Huge risk.  If these classes flopped...I would have egg on my face big time.  I measured the risk versus reward and moved ahead.  My new educational wine tasting classes would be a ton more money and a ton less work....in my calculations. I am pleased to report that the Sept class is sold out and both October and November are on their way.  Revenue is way up and people are happy....especially me.  I love to be right.

Waaaaaa-Wa-Wa-Waaaaa-Wa

I was just sending a fax at work and my young early-20-something (hot) French intern was laughing at the noise this old fax machine makes.  It makes that same ol dial-up connection noise. Waaaaa-Waa-Waaaaaaa-Waaa.  Anyway.  I asked him if he remembers hearing that noise when logging onto a computer years ago.  He said yes, but when he was a kid.  Right.  I started telling him how much change I have seen in my 16 year career.  My first job at KOSI in 1994 I had a phone and a typewriter on my desk.  There were 2 computers in the building but they were for Sales Assistants only.  By the way....I had to explain what a typewriter is/was to him. I told him that I had to beg and plead with my General Manager at KOSI to get a website for the radio station.  He said to me...and I quote, "Oh Emily, I don't believe that www(dot) thing is going to catch on."  Oh my.  How things have changed. 

Perma-grin

My reunion was an absolute blast.  Lots of late nights (hi, up until 4 am), laughs, tears and liquor.  Good times.  I was so happy to be sitting and chatting with my girls that I had a perma-grin for 3 days straight.  My anxiety about having to re-tell my Coach horror stories was not needed.  I wasn't asked but a few times and I was cool about telling a story here and there.  What a great weekend.

I flew home on the 10th anniversary of 9-11.  My parents were kinda freaking...and probably because my dad worked for Joint Terrorism Task Force-Homeland Security for so long.  The airport had this silent-air about it.  No one was saying it but everyone was thinking it.  It was eery in a way.  Most people whispered.  And security was extra extra extra extra tight.  I was ok with the tight security.  Pretty sure that was the safest day ever to fly.

I was so excited to see Ava and Todd.  When I hopped in the car at the airport and tried to kiss Ava she was shocked to see me...then turned her head away when I asked for a kiss.  She was pissed at me. No smile...just a sad furrowed brow. She's only 1 1/2 years old. All that night she only wanted Todd.  She would freak if I left the room...but wouldn't let me hold her or kiss her.  Silly girl.  Broke my heart.  The next morning I heard her calling my name....mama....mama....mama.  I went in her room and she started jumping up and down so happy to see me and so full of kisses.  That's my girl.  We had a great say playing & cuddling.  Back. To. Normal.  Phew.

DSM

I leave tomorrow for a weekend trip to Des Moines, Iowa.  A trip alone.  No husband.  No kid.  Just me and my college softball buddies.  I am both anxious and excited.

Excited-
I am excited about two nights of uninterrupted sleep.  Ha.  I am excited to see my college softball girls....every time I see my girls... I laugh so much my sides hurt and I'm sore from laughing for days.  Good times.

Anxious-
One thing I am anxious about is the fact that my ol teammates love to tell stories or ask me to tell stories about the mean & nasty things my college coach did to me.  I can handle some of the more amusing stories...like when she kicked me out of practice because she couldn't hit a ground ball past me....and boy she tried....and tried...threw her bat at me...and kicked me out....I rock....just call me "the wall"....ha.  Anyway.  But I get tired of people thinking some of the things she did to me were funny...or that I want to relive them over and over....20 years later.  The things she did to me were down right abusive....physically and emotionally.  My teammates call me "Bad Dog"...our team mascot is a Bulldog.  Clever. Anyway.  I remember the first time Todd came to my reunion and he was listening to story after story of things my coach would do to me.  He pulled me aside and asked if the stories were true.  Sadly.  Yes.  He was astonished and said I should have pressed charges against her and/or beat the shit out of her.  Maybe I should have...maybe not.  I do know one thing for sure that bitch-on-wheels made me tough as nails....and it served me well in my career and my life.  And for that I thank her.  I also thank her for the excellent education I received with my scholarship.  And I truly thank her to recruiting me to play softball at Drake because I met the best friends....lifelong friends.  Thankful.

Fans

Broncos are #1!  Love this picture!

Saints

Our neighbors 2 doors down have 2 adopted children.  A girl who is 2...almost 3 and a boy who is 1 almost 2.  They are biological 1/2 brother and sister.  They share a birthday in December.  They are the cutest kids...and so happy....even though they both had a tough tough tough beginning in life.  It is clear that both have some delays or learning issues.  The mom told me that their biological mom has 8 kids.  Four of the kids are "missing" and they government tied her tubes after the youngest boy was born.  Sad.  Sigh.  Anyway.  We were playing with the neighbor kids at the park this afternoon.  The parents are so sweet and wonderful....saints.  As their sweet daughter was running circles around the playground the mom was telling us that when they got her as a foster child, doctors said she would never walk.  They were right....she doesn't walk.....she RUNS!  :)  I felt so happy and warm inside watching the love in their family.  The saints 2 doors down adopted 2 kids who clearly will have some challenges and showed them love.  In a loving home they are making huge developmental milestones.  So happy to watch those kids grow and bring joy to the world.  Love.  Powerful medicine.

Crazy

Crazy that I haven't posted in over a month.  I need to be better.  I think of things to write about all of the time and don't make time.

I feel like we are getting into the swing of adjusting to our new schedule now that I am back to work.  I don't feel a ton of anxiety every morning afraid I forgot to do something.  I like routine in the mornings.  Ava is enjoying school and learning new things all the time.  She is a little chatter box (shock) and I encourage her to talk.  I may be sorry someday...and wanting to play the game..."let's-see-who-can-be-quiet-the-longest".

My job is going really well.  I have made some significant changes to the way things work in my department...now I just need those changes to work.  I cancelled some annual events this Fall that didn't make much if any money and replaced them with a series of Educational French Wine Tasting Classes.  I think we will attract a younger crowd and a new audience.  Fingers crossed.  Sales are slow...but pacing well.

On my drive into work today I smiled as I thought of the people in my life.  I only surround myself with people who truly love me and fill my soul.  I have successfully "weeded my garden" of negative "friends" and people who EXPECT me to do certain things for them without asking or saying a simple thank you.  I feel fully loved...and I love fully.

Ava has been having restless nights of sleep for the past week.  She is teething like it's her full-time job. This morning I felt 4 new molars coming in.  Several times a night, she wakes up and calls for me.  I give her some oragel and I hold her.  When she falls asleep I lay her back in bed.  She's a sweet girl.  The other night I was exhausted and so tired but I reminded myself that I have to cherish this time in her life.  She will only be this little for a short while....so little that she can lay on my chest and sleep on my shoulder.  *tears streaming*  I laugh now because I kept kissing her as I was thinking about this...and she gave me one kiss...and then told me no more kisses mama....I want to sleep....by turning her head away from me. 

Life is grand.

Rest

My big event was on Saturday...and it was a great success.  We had a 28% yoy increase in revenue.  Not bad for something I put together in 3 months working part time.  I worked my ever-loving-ass off in the weeks prior.  Sick amount of hours....so I was hardly part time.  Ha.

Sunday after the event I had planned to hang with Todd and Ava.  I planned a gorgeous dinner and we were gonna watch a movie....cuddle....snuggle and relax.  Around 3 pm, Todd went upstairs to take a nap and Ava and I went outside to swim in her pool.  We came in about an hour later to discover that the power was out.  It's eery how quiet our house was without the hum of the fishtanks and the AC. We got on line and found out that a huge sink hole happened on a main road by our house that had knocked power out to all of our city.  The website told us that they were working to get power back on for all.  We went out to dinner and when we came home saw that they had restored power to part of our neighborhood.  Hope!  By 9 pm we didn't have power and it was hot in our house.  Did I mention that it was almost 100 degrees that day?  Hot.  Ava would NOT go to sleep.  So Ava and I loaded up the car and headed to my parent's house.  Todd stayed behind to watch our food and take care of the animals.  Lucky for us that since I had been working so much there wasn't that much food in the house.  Really not what I had planned for our family night.  Power came back on around midnight.  Grrr.  It's amazing how dependent we are on power.  I felt Amish. 

 I took today off and am trying to catch up on some rest.  I slept in...Todd took Ava to daycare....I got a massage....then went to the farmers market...then came home and napped for 3 hours.  I am now of course sick...bad cough and sore throat.  Sweet.  Ava is at daycare right now and I feel guilty having her there when I am home....but I need rest.

F

We got an invitation from Ava's school for a Father's Day party this afternoon.  On the front it says, "Your Invited".  Really?  I own invited?  What is an invited?  F - a big red F.  You're is you are.  Your is possessive.  I really have a huge pet peeve for this.  This is the daycare and highly accredited school we rip up 100 bills each week so she can be a part of their educational system?  Scared.

Clichés

I speak using clichés all the time.  I didn't realize this until recently.  At my new job, 99% of the employees are French.  They all speak like 4 languages.  At work I have to really check my use of clichés at the door. Ha.  I have found that many American phrases are lost in translation with the French.  In one of my first staff meetings I said, "We are really behind the 8-ball on this event."  And they all giggled.  No one would tell me what was funny.  I explained the American phrase or cliché for "behind the 8-ball" refers to the game of pool or billiards and the position of the cue ball in a tough spot...behind the 8-ball.  More giggles.  OK.  I'm pretty sure they think I am an avid drug user.  So anyway... this same thing has happened a few more times.  The other day I said, "trying to find a needle in a haystack".  Giggles.  I'm sure they think... what in the hell is she talking about someone shooting up in a barn?  And another drug reference.  Or "Not to beat a dead horse."  I'm sure they thought....this girl is crazy, likes to hurt animals...and what is up with her obsession with farms and farm animals?  And just today I said, "It's raining like cats and dogs out there."  Again.  More animals and totally lost in translation.  Even I don't know what the hell it really means to rain like cats and dogs.  Hum. 

Birds

This going back to work, being a part time stay-at-home mom and being sick all the time thing is for the birds.  So tired of being tired and sick. Sick and tired.  Ha.  I had the longest day yesterday. Got to work and was busy all day.  They are getting full-time work out of me...for this part time job.  Then at 5:15 pm I am grabbing my purse to go pick up Ava and one of our board members walks in my office and plops down to chat.  She has a 6 pm French class here and just wanted to say hi.  Dammit.  I try to politely tell her I need to go pick up my daughter, but she wasn't catching my drift.  Ava was at my parent's house yesterday so I knew I could be a wee bit late.  They won't charge me a $1 a minute for being late...like daycare does.  Ha.  Anyway I finally get released from my hostage situation and rush for the door.  Traffic was ridiculous.  And THEN as I am merging onto I-25 from 6th Avenue this stupid guy on a motorcycle cuts ME off, then flips ME off and I miss my exit.  Oh well...I go to the next one and turn around but it added 15 minutes to my already long drive.  THEN as I am getting close to home I witness a car accident right in front of me and decide to pull over and give my statement.  Thank goodness no one was hurt.  I didn't get home until 7:30 pm.  Poor Ava.  She was OVER it and tired.  And so was I.  Cheers to a better day today!  :)

Easter

Yesterday was Ava's 2nd Easter.  She was 5 days old last Easter.  So now, she's been in our world for at least ONE of every holiday.  Just buidling memories here peeps.  Here's a few cute pictures of our girl on Easter.  She's a cutie patootie. 

Village

I have the most amazing friends in the world.  I feel blessed to have such a great group of people in my life.  I have been feeling a little isolated somedays because we live so far from everyone.  I know my friends would do anything for me and I would do anything for them.  Sadly my very bestest friends live pretty far away.  Although I know they would be here as fast as possible if I needed them and visa versa...I wish they lived closer.  I have always wished we had cool neighbors to hang out with on weekends.  Or friends for Ava that are close to us.  Just hasn't been in the cards....until recently.  My friend Rene` introduced me to her    childhood best friend Carolyn.  She lives literally 5 minutes away.  Her husband Jay is so cool and they have a 5 year old daughter.  We have done several things with them and they rock.  Carolyn watches Ava from time to time....like today.  I had a dentist appointment and instead of having to drive so far to have family watch her for an hour, Carolyn watched her.  Ava loves Carolyn and never cries when she is there.  Today I called Carolyn after my dentist appointment and she said that Ava was sleeping and I should go run an errand.  So I ran to Target to pick up a few things.  While I was there I ran into a childhood friend of mine, Michelle.  She said, "What are you doing out here?"  And I said, "I live out here!"  We both laughed and talked of how far we live from everyone.  We exchanged phone numbers.  Yay!  A few weeks back I found out that an old friend of mine from radio, Julie, lives right up the street from us.  Another friend.  Close.  It takes a village they say and I am rebuilding my village close to home. 

Born

I'm addicted to that show "One Born Every Minute".  I dvr record it and watch it when Todd is not home or sleeping.  He is not amused about a show about women giving birth.  I watch the show and cry.  I am sure that is another reason why Todd doesn't like watching this show with me either.  Shock.  Ha.  Sometimes watching the show makes me want to have another baby so bad.  Because Ava's birth was a c-section, we missed out on that delivery experience.  Where the doctor lays the baby on your chest and you get to hold them and kiss them moments after their birth day.  I had a bad c-section and had a flurry of docs around me because of my issues during the surgery.  And Ava was whisked off to the NICU.  I didn't see her for over 5 hours after she was born.  I really wish we had that bonding moment right after she was born.  In the big picture I feel blessed she is here and healthy.  But I can still wish I would have had a more natural experience.  So.  I watch this show and get over it. 

Flu

I started my new job last week in the midst of one of the toughest weeks I have had in a while.  My schedule is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.  OK.  Monday, Ava woke up with her first illness...stomach flu.  Blech.  We ironically already had an appointment at her doctor for that morning.  Ava puked all over me sitting in the doctor's office.  Poor boo.  Then she puked all over me again later that afternoon.  I was starting my new job and nervous about leaving a sick baby.  Tuesday, Todd came home from work with the stomach flu.  He has never taken even one day of sick leave in 8 years at this job...so I knew he was really sick.  My parents watch Ava on Tuesdays so they had her the 2nd day of her flu.  She seemed to do ok, didn't puke again and didn't have a fever so I took her to school on Wednesday.  Todd stayed home from work on Wednesday...really really sick.  I go to day 2 of my new job only to puke all over my office in the afternoon.  Sweet.  I went home early.  I puked all the way home out my car door.  Ava had an awful day at school/day care and cried most of the day unless someone was holding her.  I got her home on Wednesday and both Todd and I are siiiiiick.  Sucky.  It was tough to care for Ava because we both were so wiped out.  And she was so clingy after being at school...she just wanted to be held...and we both just wanted to puke.  Thursday, I'm feeling better and Todd is doing ok.  I go to work, and Todd only makes it a few hours before he was home again.  Ava had another challenging day at school.  Sigh.  Then the shitstorm of other tough things starts.  My best friend's dad passed away.  :( My grandpa went into the hospital and was/is not doing well.  My parents had to put their dog Shelby to sleep...she was very ill and 17 years old.  Our toilet broke (money we don't have to fix blah).  And so on and so on.  One thing after another.  At one point I looked at Todd and said, I didn't think I could take any more. 

And on an amazing note, my sister had her 2nd child and she's wonderful happy and healthy.  SO wonderful.  Her birth kept me going.  I missed her birth because we had been so sick and I would never want to expose her to an icky sickness.  I was so broken up about missing her birth.  I wanted to be there sooo bad.  Sigh.

Things are going better now....and I know that God will only give me what He knows I can handle.  I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Anxiety

I start my new job tomorrow.  Besides having the normal starting-a-new-job jitters....I am really nervous about all the change in OUR lives.  My job schedule affects me, Todd, Ava, my parents and even our pets.  Ava will be with my parents on Tuesdays...and at school Weds and Thursdays.  Change.  The dog and cat have gotten really used to having people around all of the time.  Fine.  They will adjust.  Todd will have to get up earlier for work and working late will not be a possibility some nights.  Sigh.  And I will have some night and weekend events to run.  More change.  To add insult to injury Ava woke up late today and she had puked sometime this morning.  Boo. She didn't even cry after she puked.  Poor boo.  I got her up fed her breakfast and she was acting like she felt fine.  Then sitting at her 1-year old doctor visit this morning she puked all over me.  Poor girl.  I hope she's not getting sick after only being in school 2, 1/2 days last week.  I am having anxiety.  I'm the one who wanted to go back to work and my need is making so many people's lives different.  I need to take a deep breath.  I need a pep talk.

Teak

I love Craigslist.  Love it.  We buy and sell stuff on it all the time.  I think it's silly to pay retail for some things.  I just posted a rocking chair and Ava's musical jumper for sale.  We're not using it, time to get some money for it.  Anyway.  We are going to sell our Teak desk too.  Before we had Ava, our 2nd bedroom was an office/guest room.  Cut to today... Ava's room has all of her stuff...and also has this gi-norm-ous teak desk with our computer and printer.  She needs more room, we are going to buy a laptop.  Time to sell the desk.  I get online and start searching to get a price range for this teak desk.  It is really a gorgeous piece of furniture, but we don't have room for it...and I want a laptop.  I discover that this desk that WE bought on Craigslist for $150 is worth....a....lot....more.  I found it being sold for anywhere from $699 to $490....plus shipping.  Holy moly.  If you have time...google....Domino Mobler Mid-Century Modern Teak Desk.  Think we need to ask for more than $150 huh? 

J-O-B

I got a job.  Yes-sir-ree.  Doing marketing and fundraising at a local French school.  It's an event planning, marketing, social media, website, sales and sponsorship position.  Perfect.  Its 3 days a week (Tues, Weds and Thurs) and I am thrilled.  I will be taking French classes to become fluent again.  Kinda excited to practice my French again.  Kinda excited to wear something other than yoga pants everyday.  Kinda excited.

Birthday!

Today is Ava's 1st birthday.  I danced all around the house this morning singing, "Hey Shorty, it's your birfday, we're gonna party like it's your birfday!"  Ava laughed at first, but then I could see my antics were wearing thin on her and she started to furrow her brow at me every time.  Ha.  That reaction actually fueled my fire so I sung louder and longer.  If we can't embarrass our kids what good are we?  Ahhhh Ava.  I remember this day last year....I am so thankful for my sassy, sweet, beautiful, smart and amazing daughter.

OK...the tale of 2 mornings...

I just got back from dropping Ava off for her "trial run" day at daycare.  She will be there through lunch and naptime and I will go pick her up at 2 pm.  I feel awful doing it on her birthday...but sometimes.... timing just sucks.  I start my new job next week (I will post on that later) :)  Anyway. I cried as I was packing up her stuff.  I was a hot mess.  Sobbing like a 1st grader with a skinned knee.  Blech.  OK.  I got it together before Ava got up for the day (she loves her sleep).  I got her all ready and loaded up in the car.  I drove to the daycare and I could feel my hands shaking.  Sigh. I took her into Miss Olga's room.  Got her set up.  Kissed her goodbye....and slipped out the door.  I turned to run back in and grab her....and another mom saw/caught me.  I smiled, turned and rushed past her.  She said, "You know, it does get easier."  I BURST into tears.  I started telling her in a squeaky rambling voice that only dogs and dolphins could understand that today was my first drop off and today is her birthday and I start a new job next week and I feel awful doing her test run on her birthday and I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying I can't believe I am crying.  Good freaking Lord.  I hurried past her and hopped in my car and cried and cried...that ugly cry where your face gets all red and distorted.  Yup.  That's me. I drove to the Starbucks down the street and then sat in my car.  I'm sure I looked like a psycho.  I started to drive home and turned around and drove past her daycare again...and again.  And then I could hear myself say outloud, "Emily, get your shit together, sheesh!"  And I drove home.  I pick her up in 3 hours and 50 minutes.  I bet they have an office pool at the daycare as to how many times I will call....and how long it will take for me to call the first time.  Pretty sure. 

MOD

I met some amazing people during my time at March of Dimes. I think the woman that affected me the most was Kim.  Kim gave birth to twins prematurely and lost both girls after days and weeks of struggle and fighting for their lives.  Their names where Addison and Makenze.  I remember the first time she came to a volunteer meeting at MOD after losing the girls.  She sat at the table and cried the entire time.....almost like it was the first time she had let loose.  She bawled in fact.  Right there in the meeting.  There were many hugs offered up....and she refused... she just wanted to be left alone and listen....and deal with her loss.  She wanted to help others to help heal her own heart.  She needed to cry.  She wanted to help raise money for research so another mother would never have to endure the loss she had lived.  No one cries alone in my presence...so I had to conduct the meeting with tears streaming down my cheeks the entire time.  Sigh. 

Kim and I got close quick.  She is my age and very cool...very hip...I love her.  I remember seeing her stand at our In Memoriam Of Wall at our big annual event...and I watched her as she quietly wrote the names of her daughters on pieces of paper and placed them gingerly on the wall.  She bawled.  I bawled from afar.  I waited for her to finish and hugged her as long as she would let me....I would have hugged forever.  Kim and her sweet hubs now have 2 daughters....gorgeous girls.  People who have never had a hard time getting or staying pregnant....or have never experienced the loss of a pregnancy...or worse yet...the death of a baby....really can't understand.  They try...but they can't. 

Jif

That Jif commercial where the boy makes his own lunch and then a lunch for his mom makes me crazy.  The mom says, "You made your own lunch!"  Then the boy says, "I made something for you too Mom.  The bus is here....I gotta go!"  OK.  What was the boy going to HAVE for lunch if he DIDN'T make his own....MOM?  The bus was there and he needed to leave.  The mom didn't get it done.  Sorry.  The ad agency for that commercial should be fired.  Every time I see it I shake my head.

Wind

Yesterday Ava and I went for a great walk.  It was sunny and 70 degrees.  Perfect.  We got about 3 miles down the trail....and ran into another parent out with his kids.  He said, "it's it gorgeous out.  I thought it was supposed to crazy windy today."  I agreed and we went on our way.  Just then.... it was like God said, "really?  I will show you wind! POOOOWWWW!"  Awful hurricane force winds kicked up.  Holy crap.  I had to walk/run uphill for 3 miles pushing a 20 lb kid in a stroller that is NOT wind resistant in head on wicked wind.  Ava was protected with the cover on her stroller...which by the way made the stroller even LESS wind resistant....but she was still not happy.  It took me 30 minutes to get home.  I was dripping with sweat and so tired.  Today my legs are not sore...just so tired.  What a workout.  Blah!  I hate wind.  So much for a nice walk....blech...wind.  Pffffff. 

Update

Oh my sweet Ava.  She is a few days away from being one!  She makes me want to be a better person.  She makes me smile and my heart soar when I am blue.  She has a heart of gold.  I love her so much.  She's cruising around the furniture and will walk any day.  She just cut 2 teeth.  And her favorite word is "daddy" (mine too).  She has 3 words "Daddy", "Mama" and "Doggie".  At this moment she just woke up from her nap and I can hear her calling me...."Mmmmmmmmmmama!"  "Mmmmmmmmmmmammmmmmma!"  Time to go kiss my girl.  xxxx

Daycare

I'm researching daycare options again.  I am getting close on a job I really want.  Now they have to show me the money.  I'm worth it.  Anyway.  Daycare is highway robbery.  Now get this - 2 days a week (my parents are doing one day a week of our daycare) is $190.  Ok.  That's $95 a day.  Really?  Full time day care is $265.  Now I may not be a math genius, but I do own a calculator.  That's $53 a day.  So full time is only $75 bucks more?  Now that is a bunch of malarky.  Don't they understand that part time people make much less?  MUCH less.  I could hire an in home nanny for that price....which we may do.  I have more research to do...but I am in the wrong business. 

Sun

It's supposed to be 68 degrees today.  Ava and I are gonna go for a walk in the sun.  Yay! 

We had such a busy weekend.  I went to Erin's baby shower.  She is having twin girls.  It was such a fun shower.  In the past...I have generally not enjoyed baby showers.  I have always tried to figure out why....maybe it's the silly shower games, the squealing women when every present is opened...or maybe because I soooo wanted to have a baby. I still don't know for sure.  I DO know that I had a great-fab-wonderful time at Erin's shower.  Yes, I have a baby now, maybe that is it.  But truly I think it was because it was hosted at a cool French restaurant.  The company was very nice.  And...I am so freaking happy for Erin.  Seriously....so happy.  Besides MY shower...I have loved this shower the most of all.  Good times.

After the shower, I hurried home scooped up my family and darted down to Littleton for my Grandpa Cheever's 89th birthday party.  Wow....89....I hope to be so lucky to live so long.  I love him so.

Sunday the fun continued with a brunch with the ex-radio-geeks.  Paul, Sharon, Katie, Christine, Sadie, Julie, Adam, Olivia, Max, Fizz, Sarah, Delilah, Todd, Ava...and me.  Of that group of ex-radio-geeks...only Adam still works in radio.  It was such fun and we laughed a lot.  It was fun to watch our kids all play together.  At one point I sat back and enjoyed the fact that we all have been friends for so long.  We have all seen so many different phases of our lives together.  Good friends. 

I feel blessed.

Reminder

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck 
(written after she found out she was dying of cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day be cause my hair had just been done. 


I would have sat on the lawn and not worried about grass stains. 
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. 

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.'

There would have been more I love you's.  More I'm sorry's. 

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it, and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! 

Laptop

My sister let me borrow her laptop so that I can job search when Ava is sleeping.  I set up the wifi connection in our house and I am offffff!  I am so excited.  I spend 2 hours today searching and applying for jobs.  I have a 2nd interview tomorrow.  Fingers crossed.  I haven't been on a computer this long with Ava here...well...never.  It has been a good day.  I have gotten caught up on so much stuff.  I even found a mom's group by me and RSVP'ed for a play date for next week.  Ava really needs more social interaction with other kids.  I mean...I am one hellva playmate for her...but I always share and never push her around.  She needs to learn to play with other kids.  I am excited for the new things in our lives.  And...now I have internet access....I will be able to blog when I want.  I often think...I want to blog about this that or the other...and then forget.  Life is good.

Valentine

We stayed in for Valentine's Day last night.  It was a Monday.  And.  It was a Monday.  We decided to do take-out Sushi (my fav) for dinner last night.  I called and called our local Sushi joint to place our order, no answer.  It's just a few blocks away so I hopped in the car to drive over.  It was packed.  Every table was full.  None of the folks at the tables had food or drink.  Angry faces.  There was a line 20+ deep to be helped.  The phone was ringing off the hook.  It was loud and full of sounds of angry voices.  There was no love in the air.  Ha.  They only had 2 Sushi chefs, one gal behind the counter and one gal "waiting" on tables.  An A+ mess.  I left.  Sad.  Sushi is such a treat these days.  I had been looking forward to it for weeks.  I drove home with a scowl on my face.  Hungry.  All day today I can't stop thinking about what a total cluster f that restaurant was last night.  I keep running ideas through my head of what I would do differently if *I* owned a restaurant on this hallmark holiday of love.  I would have made a financial killing last night. 

Gamble

I love game shows.  Love them.  I watch them all of the time.  It's mind-candy to me.  I have to admit, there are a lot of jackasses on game shows.  I get so pissed when someone risks big money to "gamble" on winning more.  I scream at the TV "don't get greedy".  And alas, 99% of them do.  I just saw a guy on Who Wants to be a Millionaire today risk $50,000 plus to guess the answer.  GUESS!  What?  Winning $75,000 wasn't enough for you?  The guy guessed wrong and left with $25,000 and I pumped my fist at him in disgust.  *Snort* I want to ask these people if they were in Vegas with $50,000 in their hand, would they lay it ALL down on one hand of Black Jack?  Probably not.  Deal or No Deal is the worst in the greedy department.  Most of the time these rocket-scientists risk BIG money to win more.  They have an offer of over $100,000 but they risk it...lose it...and go home with less than they spent on the trip to LA to be on the show.  Or how about the dipshit on Price is Right who thinks a new hot tub, a year's worth of groceries, bbq and full deck is worth only $600?  I have to laugh.  So many people have no idea. 

Wow.  I am feeling snarky today.  Think I will go make snarky comments on facebook.  It's what I do.  (Kidding)

Carpets

Our renter just signed another lease with us!  Woo hoo!  I told her I would get her carpets cleaned in January.  I have been researching companies and found the most shocking and disgusting link.  They offer "Trauma" Clean Up. 

They list the services as:

Trauma Clean up Suicide Clean Up Meth Labs Blood Clean Up Decomposition Clean Up

Homicide Clean Up Unattended Death Trashed Houses Crime Scene Clean Up Utilities Service

Oh my God!  I don't even know what to do with this information.  So the guy who could come clean the carpets could have just left a crime scene.  *Sitting here in shock*

Today

My parents picked up Ava this morning for their regular Tuesday babysitting day.  I had to laugh, after they left I paced around the house for 30 minutes like I didn't know what to do with myself.  When I realized what I was doing I giggled...silly me.  I don't know why I was acting so lost.  I have planned my entire day and made a list of things I want to get done....no shock there. Ha.   I have spent my morning so far uploading pictures to Ava's blog, organizing photos on the computer, removing our address from the enormous amount of catalogs and phone books we get delivered to our home, and playing on the computer.  Successful morning so far. 

I am getting a full highlight and haircut at 1 pm at the new Aveda salon by our house.  Bliss.  I made a tragic mistake in November in regards to my hair.  I decided to be a "kitchen beautician" and I colored my hair myself.  Disaster.  I know better.  My roots turned this awful red and the rest just dried up.  Good work.  I know money is tight...but I have always found money to do my hair.  After the disaster, I went to the salon and had my hair fixed, which ended up costing more than if I had just had it done in the first place.  Dumb, right?  Ha.  While sitting in the salon getting my hair fixed, I realized that I had stopped buying many things for myself that make me feel good....because money is tight.  I stopped buying good lotion.  My skin was so dry I was so itchy.  The cheap crap I was buying was just not cutting it.  I hadn't bought good razors to shave in forever. My legs and arm pits were so beat up it was ridiculous.  I hadn't bought good hair products for styling and conditioning....my hair was a mess.  I hadn't been buying good products to clean and moisturize my face.  My skin looked like a teenager going through puberty.  My make up was so expired and icky, I just looked horrible.  All of these things lumped together was doing awful things for my self esteem which is not good.  I changed all that a few weeks ago with the help of my Christmas money.  I told Todd about this and he was so sad that I hadn't been buying these important things for myself.  He rocks.  He was the one that insisted that I get a FULL highlight and haircut.  I had been doing just a partial highlight and getting my hair cut at SuperCuts.  I have to remember to take care of me.  Makes me a better care-giver.  Can't wait for my appointment this afternoon.

Here's a picture of Ava and Uncle Bob from our wonderful visit to Salt Lake City.  We had a blast and Ava was a champ on the airplane.  There were many screaming kids, and none of the screams were from our girl.

Trip

Ava and I are flying to Salt Lake to see my bro and Rebecca this weekend.  Can't wait to see them.  Can't wait to spend quality time.  Can't wait to see their new gorgeous house.  OK.  I am traditionally not a good flyer.  Here's the story.  I had a panic attack on a flight once.  It only happened once, but once was enough to know that I must be medicated to fly.  The story is actually funny....now.  I had gone to Vegas with Katie and Christine for Christine's Bachelorette Party.  We drank way too much and slept way too little.  Our return flight was delayed so we sat at the airport for HOURS...realllly hung over and reallly tired.  We got on the plane finally and I started having a panic attack.  I couldn't breathe.  My throat closed.  I couldn't move.  I felt like I had a big fat sweaty dude sitting on my chest.  I wanted to jump out of the plane.  It was the scariest feeling ever.  EVER. My face was beet red the whole flight and I was shaking.  I finally had to lean forward and put my hands over my ears and sing the "meow, meow, meow" song to myself to get through it.  It was embarrassing.  It was awful.  As we left the airport Katie said, "Emily.  I love you.  But I won't fly with you to Mexico (for Christine's wedding) if you act like that.  Figure it out girl."  So.  I went to my doctor and got some nice anti-anxiety meds for the trip to Mexico.  Let-me-tell-you.....I was the SWEETEST person on that plane after taking my meds.  Funny.  Now.  OK.  I have flown many more times and each time I have medicated myself, but on headphones and zoned out with a cocktail or 4.  Emily is good flyer all doped up.  NOW...this weekend, I will be flying alone with a 9 month old.  No zoning out here.  I will be medicated....believe-you-me....but I have to stay engaged to care for Ava.  I am nervous.  But I will be ok.  Todd on the other hand is more nervous than me about my ability to fly with Ava alone.  Maybe he will need to be medicated too. 

Wish

My Wish for You in 2011


May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words ...............

May 2011 be the best year of your life!!!