NICU

I have worked for a non profit for over a year now. I raise money for an organization that works to ensure that every baby has a healthy start. As an organization, we often take sponsors and other supporters on tours of a NICU in a hospital to show them where their money goes. I have avoided doing a NICU tour since I started working here. A NICU is a neo-natal intensive care unit....where sick babies go for care. I hate hospitals and often faint in them. The smell. Something to do with the smell of a hospital. Much to my chagrin, I had to take a NICU tour on Tuesday at 8 am. The first room we toured was a "hospice" room. The tour guide described the room as where parents who have decided to take their baby off of life support go to say goodbye. Then she proceeded to tell me that they put beds in this room because sometimes the babies don't die right away and some families spend a day, night or more in the room. When she said that, I gasped, covered my mouth...and cried. I have seen enough to know that I don't want to ever go into another NICU ever again. Ever. Pictures of these small babies fighting for every moment and breath....don't tell the real story. I was horribly upset and tortured by what I saw. Like I need another reason to keep me up at night. Right?

....on a side note....I started taking Folic Acid on Monday. Our first step in my preparation to become a mom. Todd and I will start to try for a baby after the wedding. We will "take the goalie out of the net". Score! Because of the line of work I am in...I am privy to many doctors and specialists who care for high-risk moms. Since I am over 35...I am a high-risk candidate. We will start talking to the best of the best. A benefit of the job. One. Benefit.

Management style

Not to toot my own horn, but I have always considered myself a cool manager. My management style revolves around my ability to motivate my staff by positive feedback. I am a cheer leader of sorts. I wouldn't consider myself a bitchy co-worker or bitchy boss on any level. I am quick with an atta-boy and a thank you. However, I am also a tough boss. I expect...and get results. I work everyday to make sure that I share my expectations with my team and make sure that we set goals that will make sure we win. I am honest and straight forward and my team always knows where I stand and what I think of their performance. No games and guess work.

My management style is not working at my current employment. I am 2nd in command in our office of 15. We recently did a manager's retreat where all of us took a personality test called DISC Assessment. I LOVE personality profiles and tests. Love them. When I got my results back I scoured the 27 pages of results. The profile read like an exact description of me. It was nuts. I am a relationship person who loves to get results by positive feedback and team work. Correct - check! I have a high attention to detail and expect that of the people around me. Check. I have no patience for micro-management. Check. Double check. It went on and on. It was awesome. I often find myself opening the file and re-reading the results. I am fascinated. Anyway. Much to my chagrin, I was the only person on our management team who scored this way. The retreat facilitator told me that I was a "diamond in the rough". She explained that my daily work interaction with our team will prove to be frustrating for me. And...that my team may find it frustrating to work with me. Sweet. I think they should give this test BEFORE hiring people. Ha. Actually....the company where the facilitator works...does give this test to prospective hires...to make sure they will fit in the company community profile. Interesting. Anyway. I had a long frustrating conversation with my boss yesterday that revolved around the fact that I feel that I have to fight my employees every step of the way. I am so used to giving a project to the team and they take it and run with it. They GOT the job DONE. Not here. I hear bitching. Moaning. Blah Blah Blah. You wanna know what advice my boss gave me? She told me I need to change my management style and be a bitch. I need to scare them into doing their job. WTF? According to her...I guess I should have a freak out that scares the entire office into thinking I am some sort of "loose cannon" that will fire anyone for looking at me wrong. Maybe I will adopt a twitch when I walk that makes me look a little C-RAZ-YEEEEE. Ha. That'll teach 'em...huh?

Welcome home my friend

I just read on Em P's blog that the Provost family is moving home. Welcome home Provost clan. I look forward to the welcoming party. Cheers!

Em and I aren't as close as we used to be. Let me explain. We don't talk as often as we used to.....regardless, I would walk through fire for her and anyone in her family. It will be nice to know that seeing her is just a short drive away.

Weed be gone

I didn't go to Chicago this past weekend to see Maria & Brian. Brian's grandma passed away 3 days before I was to leave....and they needed to go to Michigan for the funeral. It was a blessing for her to pass...but bad timing to say the least. I am bummed. I need to find another weekend to get out there.....soon.

I have been sleeping like crap. I wake up at 1:30 am....wide awake. Toss. Turn. Toss. Toss. Toss. Turn. I can't turn my brain off....planning my next work meeting, my next speech, reviewing project plans.....so much stuff going on. For over a week now I have been wide awake for at least 4 hours each night. Sucks big time. Yawn.

My friend Katie and I play this morbid game where when someone famous dies....we send a text message to each other with only the deceased famous person's name. The first person to announce the death...wins. Sick? Hell yes. It was Katie's idea. Not mine. Ha. Sue me. Yesterday I was in Greeley training a new employee and I get a text from Katie. I take a peek at it. It reads....HEATH LEDGER. Dang. I shout at my phone..."NO...he has a small kid. Ewh!" My new employee now thinks I am a crack smoker. Oh well. I digress. What a tragic loss. Funny how I mourn the loss of someone I have never met....hell...I haven't even seen 1/2 of his movies. Still I find it horribly sad.

Years ago I set up this website that sends me an email reminding me of people's birthdays. I can't remember the password to update the website...to remove the name's of people that I don't keep in touch with...people who I have 'weeded my garden' of. I don't want to unsubscribe to the website...because so many of the people I get the birthday reminder emails about....I still want to know about. However, once in a while, a blast from the past makes me crack up. I got one today. Weed be gone. POOF!

Lots of random comments

Lots of random comments:

I have my alarm clock set to "radio". Instead of a mind numbing bleeeeep bleeeep bleeeep. My alarm clicks on and plays the radio station I have set. Here's where it gets interesting. Two of my good friends are hosts on a local radio show...yes...the same one I have my alarm set to wake me up. It cracks me up where my alarm kicks on in the middle of the morning show's conversation. Funny. Imagine.....sleeping....then hearing one of your friend's voices right next to your head. Cracks me up.

I love to get gift cards. But I hate to shop. Ironic. However, as a side note, I love to shop on line....and love to get good mail (good = not bills). I buy what I want online....then in a few days get "good" mail....bliss. I digress. I just spent a gift card that I got last Christmas (in 2006) for Bath and Body Works. Yes. It's sick huh? That I waited so long to spend it. Anyway. I bought a skin care regimen from a Dr. Wexell. It ROCKS. I have never had such a quick turn around on my skin...I love it. I should take better care of my skin. Noxema is not doing it anymore for a 35 year old.

Maria called last night. Brian's grandma passed away. So my trip to Chicago this weekend is postponed. They are driving to Michigan for the wake and funeral. I am bummed....but I understand. In the same breath....we got some GREAT news about Maria's son Austin and his condition. I have shared that he was born 13 weeks early....at 27 weeks....on Oct. 14th. What I didn't share was that 3 days after he was born he was diagnosed with a level 4 brain bleed. (Note: 0 being the best) Basically that is the worst diagnosis possible. There was a good chance for severe lifelong disabilities. One month into Austin's life the doctors told Maria and Brian that Austin's brain was showing a level 3 brain bleed. Good! Progress! Celebrate each win! Still...the diagnosis is grim. This past Monday Austin had more tests....and Friday the results came in. Deep breath. He's a miracle baby. NO sign of brain trauma. Nothing. His brain healed itself. He's a level O brain trauma. Sigh. AND they checked his eyes (which they believed he would have a lifetime of sight challenges including a good chance he would be blind....) AND...his eyes are continuing to mature and show signs of being completely normal. Deep breath. Cheers. Tears. Celebrations. Fingers crossed. Prayers.

A memorial to....

...my fish. The "big dude" as I called him. Silly right? To mourn a fish? Not to me. Six years ago I bought 2 angel fish for one of fish tanks. They were about the size of a quarter when I bought them. They grew and grew and soon their bodies were the size of my fist...big fish. Their life span is 5-6 years. I have lost both fish in a matter of months. They were over 6 years old. I cried when the first one died. I bawled with the 2nd one died last night. What a saint Todd is to comfort me when I cried over a fish. But he know that this fish was my favorite. You must understand something about angel fish. They love their care-givers. Sounds crazy but every time I would get close to the tank they do this special fishy "dance". It's cool. When I was single and living alone...I will admit to talking to them and enjoying seeing something alive react to my voice. They were happy to see me. Anyway. I bawled when he died last night. As Todd put it....they had a perfect LONG fishy life.

Last night when I got home "big dude" was laying on the bottom of the tank (see pic). I knew the end was close....the other fish in the tank stayed close to him. Which is odd for fish. Normally when a fish is showing sickness or weakness...they pick on that fish or completely stay away from it. Big Dude's friends were there for him.....it was cool.

8 hours of pay

Today is my one year anniversary at my current job at MOD. Yesterday, my old assistant at my previous radio station gig was laid off. Poor girl. After I left the radio station they dangled my old job in front of her like a carrot for months. They didn't pay her any more...in fact...they didn't even give her parking in the building. Sweet. She busted her butt for a nearly a year for nothing extra...doing the job of 4. NRC rewarded her hard work by laying her off...and putting her job responsibilities on another guy (who didn't get a raise). She had been with the company for 3 years. They laid her off and paid her for the 8 hours she worked yesterday. Eight hours of pay....and then "SEE YA". NO SEVERANCE. Nuttin. My goodness I am glad I am out of radio. I have made it my personal goal to help her get a new gig. I feel guilty for some reason. What a horrible place to work. This radio company is locally owned and operated...which is super rare. She went back to talk to the Owner/CEO and the Owner/CFO and neither of those pussies would could out of their offices and talk to her. This company is circling the drain. That sound you hear is the toilet flushing on those pieces of shit. Thank God I don't own any stock in this company...because I couldn't sell it fast enough.

Chi-town Here I Come!

Maria and Brian's baby boy Austin (aka A.J.) is home from the hospital after spending the 1st 11 weeks of his life in the NICU. Whew. So glad he's home. He is thriving at home and almost weighs 7 bls now. He was born on Oct. 14th at 1 lb & 14 ozs. Maria and I find it interesting that there were so many number 14's in his early stats....born on the 14th & 14 ozs. Maria's college softball # was 14. I told her this is a good sign and must be for good luck. I am going to Chicago meet Austin and help out Jan 18 - 22. I found an airline ticket to Chicago for $149. Wow. Notice....another 14. It's good luck. I am sure of it.

Our Sweet Boy

Our dog is a 6 year old Black Lab named Barkley. He's a gentle soul who gives the sweetest doggy "hugs" by leaning his thick body into you. I just love that dude. He is so tolerant of the cat Sasha who often gives him rapid-fire smacks on his snout. Smack-smack-smack-smack-smack-smack. He just walks away from her. For the record, she doesn't use her claws when she smacks him...and often leans up to give him a nose-to-nose kiss after the abuse. It's sweet. Here's a pic of them hanging out looking out the window.

Barkley HATES to have his toe nails cut. He howls and cries this awful noise that is just too much to describe. We take him to the vet and pay them $40 to cut them for us. They plan ahead for Barkley's visit and always have 3-4 staff there to hold him. Sweet. He got them cut today...and he howled so much that the other dogs were howling too. He stirred up such a ruckus that a large white bird there to have it's nails cut started freaking out and flapping it's wings and squawking so loud. I am sure that bird was like if that big strong dog is in that much pain....I am IN for IT when it's my turn. Ha. He's so dramatic. It's embarrassing. And funny. He also got his temperature taken anally today and REALLY let the doctor know that he was NOT happy. I have to giggle a little....but you have no idea how loud and tortured this sound is. One time I was at the OTHER end of the Petsmart and could hear him howling. Other customers were saying to each other, "what in the world is that noise?" Ha. Oh our sweet boy.

Caucus is cock-eyed?

In light of the upcoming Iowa Caucus tomorrow. I felt inclined to share this story. A guy I work with is from Iowa and was explaining the election Caucus process to me today. I am going to share his view on a caucus without my own research on validity.

OK. Apparently it takes the average voter at least 3 hours to participate. Wha? Sounds like voting in ANY election in Denver. I digress. Anyway. You show up to your voting neighborhood area and show your support for your candidate by standing in a section of the room assigned to your candidate. Sounds like a high school student council deal to me. I can picture poster board, glitter and markers "Vote for HILLARY for 2008 Prom Queen. Anyway. Everyone can see WHO you support. Much different from a voting ballot box where your pick is private. Anyway. After a while, it is determined if your candidate is "viable" for your voting area. Which means...does your candidate have enough support to be one of the top 2 candidates for that party? If yes, VIABLE. If not, no....move on...find a new candidate to support. Say for example, you are for Edwards. After showing your support for Edwards, if he is not a "viable" candidate for that area...which means he doesn't have enough support by other voters...then you will be approached by the other candidate's supporters for your support of their candidate. "Hey Joe-Voter, I know you like Edwards, however, Hillary believes this-that-and-the-other issues the same. Come join our side." Seems like a sick game of playground rules to me. Should be interesting thing to watch tomorrow. I am an avid voter...but just NOW learned more about the process. Interesting.

Watch our stuff....(wave)...thanks!

NYE was a blast. We started at Todd's friend's house. Fun. Good times. Tons of ankle bitters running about fueled by sugar and carbs. Everyone was very interested in our wedding plans and I really like Todd's friends. All good people. The party at the hotel did not disappoint. It was fun to hang with Paul & Sharon & Sara & Fizz. We danced and partied into the new year. Cheers to you all my naughty monkeys (a la Craig Ferguson...ha). Here's my favorite picture from the night. Self portrait of our New Years KISS!

So here's a story for ya. We got to the hotel party a little early and stood in line for the doors to open. We were able to score a table. Since it was just the 2 of us at the time...and it was a table for 8...I kept inviting couples to sit down with us. The scene was the same each time. A couple standing by the doors with a drink and a full plate of food scanning the room looking for a place to sit and eat. I would wave 'em in and ask them to join us. Met some great people. The first couple was interesting. They were in their 40's...dating...not married. The woman runs a company for thank you cards. She has created a software that people may use to type up their "thank you" cards, and the software will print them up in YOUR handwritting. I didn't completely grasp what she was saying...it was loud. Anyway. They announced that they were going to go grab their jackets to head outside to watch the fireworks show at 9 pm. They are walking towards the door and turn to say goodbye. I glance up and wave. She says, "Watch our stuff (wave) thanks!" Wha? She had left her purse and he had left his tuxedo jacket. WTF? We JUST met these people and they expect me to sit at this table and watch their crap while they go watch a fireworks show. Hell and no. OK OK...if you know me...you KNOW that we watched their crap. But STILL. I am a sucker. Ha. I am always entertained by people. Happy New Year!