Do you hate YOUR job?

Everyone does it. Everyone thinks from one time or another.... "I hate my job today." It's normal. You may never say that again after what I am about to share.

It's so windy today that I was nearly knocked off my heels walking to my car. Just a few hours ago in downtown, the building next door my office, the window washers on a huge high rise were tossed like rag dolls in the air. They were stuck on the scaffolding being thrown repeatedly up against the building, smashing windows and nearly breaking the scaffolding in half. Watch THIS. It's not a funny thing... however, watch the GED-hopefuls at the end of the video. They are entertaining. For the record, firefighters were able to get the two window washers down safely.

The latest (that was just shouted across the office) is that with several huge windows broken, there is a vacuum affect happening and the stuff inside the building is being sucked out the broken windows into the streets. Can you imagine sitting at your desk on the 33rd floor to see some huge ass scaffolding crashing into the huge window and then having everything in your office sucked out onto the streets below?

Even on it's worst day, my job will never suck that bad (pun totally intended).

Tailgating

On Thanksgiving Day my dear friend Kathy called me to see if I wanted the pair of extra tickets they had to the CU vs. Nebraska football game for the next day. Hell yes I did. Plus the tickets included passes to a hospitality suite. Nice. The day would start early and include a full day of tailgating and hospitality suites. Fun.

We get up there early to the tailgating lot fully equipped with our lawn chairs, a case of beer and a cooler full of food. The lot was a sea of Black and Gold jerseys and a few Red sweatshirts here and there. Ted and Kathy’s friends are so nice and fun…and can be rowdy…good….my kind of folks. I survey the crowd…and think… oh yes… there will be tears today… there WILL be tears. Seems that every time I am around that group one of the girls cries one of those kinds of cries that includes some wailing. We get set up and I sit down to have beer number one and do some people watching. The biggest thing I noticed is the difference in tailgating by age group.

The College Kids:
Didn’t have a parking spot in the lot. All walked around with red plastic cups full of cheap beer. And the slutty college girls would find a group of 30-something men and act interested to eat and drink for free. One group of slutty college girls came up to our 30-something men and indeed ate and drank for free. This one girl had on this skirt so short that everyone could see her ass and the back of her legs was covered in cellulite. Gross. Also let’s not forget that it was 30 degrees out. They still got fed and drank for free…and as they walked away our 30-something boys high-fived each other… “Yea, that one was hot.” Us girls rolled our eyes… because we all used to pull that same trick as college girls (minus the short skirt and cellulite legs of course). Boys are sure gullible.

The 20-somethings:
Had a keg of Keystone Light, red plastic cups and a few bags of chips.

The 30-somethings:
Many many coolers full of cheap beer in a can. The wives and girlfriends brought food – chips, dips, burgers, hotdogs and ding dongs.

The 40-plus-somethings:
There was a group of 40 plus tailgaters right across from us. I kept looking longingly at their party. They had a full bar. Absolut Vodka, Kettle One, Scotch, Margaritas, Champagne, Bloody Marys and bottle beer. They had fancy appetizers, cheese and crackers, fruit, finger sandwiches, grilled chicken and brats. They had matching glasses and silver. They had a CU football 10’x10’ tent and a portable picnic table. Divine.

The day was a blast even though my high school softball team could have beaten CU that day. It was pitiful. And lucky for us we had seats around a group of very very drunk Nebraska fans with no class. Cheer for your team….that’s cool. Clap when they do something great. But don’t stand up in a sea of CU fans and grab your crotch and yell “CU can suck my dick.” Yikes. The guy behind us was the worst of the worst. Do these dummies NOT realize that they are VISITORS in our stadium? These Nebraska fans were acting like a bunch of idiots…and I kinda hope someone threw a beer on them.

And I was not disappointed. There were tears. Oh yes, there were tears. One of the wives threw a hissy fit and punched her husband about 20 times in the middle of the lot. I don’t know who had done what to make her mad… but she was pissed off. It was actually more sad than entertaining. And a reminder of the lesson that it is ok to fight with the one you love…but do it at home…not in public…never call names…and never ever hit.

All in all…a great day… the weather was great… and I was with my dear friends.

Sleep Deprivation

I have not slept well since the Day Light Savings change last month. I feel exhausted by 7 pm because it feels like it's really 11 pm. I go to bed early in hopes of falling asleep early.... no such luck. Once I finally get to sleep...I have been waking up at 4:40 am and starring at the clock until nearly 6 am. I can't bring myself to get up at 4:40 am... so I try to sleep. A friend of mine said that there might be someone in my building who is getting up at that time and I am hearing them and being woken up. She may be right. Sleep deprivation is a torture technique in some situations....and I feel like I am being tortured. I am really looking forward to this long weekend to catch up on some sleep.

My office closed at 10 am. I am still here working...and blogging...because I am taking a 1 pm yoga class. Can't miss my class...even though I am exhausted.

Perspective and Patience

My brother said to me last night that he finally understands why I was so pissed that he freaked out on Garrett at my birthday party. He has been dating this new girl from his church...and he really likes her. He met her brother the other night...and said it was very important to him to have her bro like him. I said "Oh yea? Now do you see WHY I was so pissed that you freaked on Garrett?" And he said "Yea, that's why I called... I get it now." I guess it just took a little perspective to have him see my side. Humpf.

Patience. Patience and I have never been friends. And when she knocks on my door demanding that I pay attention to her.... I slam the door in her face. I don't have patience. I know it's a virtue and all...and I am virtuous enough. John has been so busy with work because of the holidays, that I haven't seen him as much as I would want. He leaves tomorrow for Thanksgiving with his family...and will be gone until Monday afternoon. I may or may not get to hang out with him tonight because he has so much work to get done. Humpf again. So I have decided that I have to do something I have never done, be patient. Hello Patience...my name is Emily. I don't think we will be BFF but would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?

Things every single person has to learn!

I have lived alone for over 3 years now (and for the record, LOVE living alone) and I have realized that there are several things that you have to learn or accept if you live alone.

1. How to put lotion on the middle of your back.
2. How to grocery shop for one (without having 90% of the food spoil).
3. How to cook good meals for one....without too many left overs (who wants to eat the same shit for 5 meals in a row?)
4. How to zip up or zip down a cocktail dress.
5. Most anything around the house.... fixing, installing or cleaning.
6. When and how to shampoo your carpet.

Well... I could go on and on... the fact of the matter is that I have this horrible dry skin in the middle of my back...and it NEEDS lotion everyday. Ha. I need to find a way to get lotion there... I have resorted to squirting it down there and leaving it. I dunno what else to do.

Tupperware party of my generation

Last night I went to a "Passion Party". Basically it's a Tupperware party....that sells sex toys instead of food containers. Or as I found it fun to call it a "Fuckerware Party". I consider myself a girl who will try most anything once. And my curiosity got the best of me on this one...so I just HAD to go. When I arrived there was a gorgeous spread of wine, cheese, humus, crackers and bread on the kitchen table. And a intimidating spread of sex toys on the dining room table. I love to watch human behavior and see if my actions can make others react. Every woman who walked into the party nervously glanced at the dining room table giggled and walked directly to the kitchen table and poured a big glass of wine. Every once in a while, each girl would glance at the dining room table.... then quickly look away. Once everyone was crowded around the kitchen table, I walked over to the dining room table alone and picked up the biggest dildo on the table and looked at it and put it back down. Then proceeded to pick up each vibrator and turn it on... then off... and would set it back down. Then one by one... the girls started gravitating towards the dining room table. One girl poked the big dildo and laughed. It was hysterical. After everyone's second glass of wine, the party really got started. What a great time. I was so shocked at how many different sex toys there are out there. I am not a prude, but whoa. There are sprays to make things hot then cold then numb then tinglely. Lotions to make a penis hard for 5-30 minutes longer. Lotions that turn into powder to control sweating. Edible everything. Vibrators for him. Vibrators for her. Vibrators for him AND her at the same time. The host would explain the toy and then pass it around the room. She said to put the vibrator up to your nose, as it is a really sensitive place. Watching these woman put vibrator after vibrator up to their nose and laugh was funny. Then after the 3rd glass of wine they started shouting and asking for the name of the one in their hand. "Uh... that is the Blue Dolphin." "Who has the Silver Bullet?" Hilarious.

The worst video game in the world

My drive to and from work each day is like my own personal video game. Everyday without exception. If you were a kid with an Atari video game system growing up... it's much like the game "Frogger"....and I am the wee frog just trying to get to the other side without getting squished. Today's drive into work was particularly nutty. I left the back gate of my building into the alley to have to wait for this lazy garbage truck guy who was on his cell phone yelling at someone (an obvious personal call) and his big green truck was blocking my way out. I tried to be patient, but after 5 minutes I started honking and he called me a bitch. My first "bitch" of the day. Only to pull onto the main street to find that some tree trimming company has one of the 2 lanes blocked off...and I am stuck behind this huge van or bus full of kids. I am sitting there and the kid in the back of the short-bus gets my attention. He is making faces at me and lifting his shirt and rubbing his belly like a stripper. Man, 12 year old boys are annoying. I try everything in my power to not give him the attention he is craving.... so I play with my radio. I finally get a chance to pull out and the guy who was waiting for me to pull out decided that I was taking too long (as I simply just checked my rear view mirror - for SAFETY reasons) he honks and me...yes... you guessed it... he called me a bitch. Bitch #2. It's not even 9 am. On with my commute. I enjoy about 7 minutes of bliss, no name calling and green lights. I get onto 18th and out from between two parked cars in the middle of the road a heavy set blind man complete with a white walking stick walks out into the middle of traffic in front of me. I have to slam my breaks, squeal my tires to avoid killing him. Yup. He called me a bitch too. Bitch #3. I am on a roll. Although I did laugh to myself because he's blind.... how does he KNOW I am a woman? Maybe he said "son of a bitch". I dunno. But I could definitely read the word "bitch" on his lips. So am on my way again...and I am thinking.... in my 11 minute drive to work, I have been called a bitch 3 times. It's a new record. I continue on my way avoiding the bicycle couriers weaving in and out of traffic. The out-of-town driver from Florida who is squinting, leaning forward trying to read the streets signs.... all the while swerving. AND my personal favorite...the driver who pulls into the other lane to make a turn to the opposite direction. Ek! It snowed today so the roads are wet and will freeze soon. Sweet. Black ice. Thank God for car insurance.

Still counting....

I have been a bad blogger...my last post was 5 days ago.

Since then I have been on date #6 with John and have #7 tonight. Date #6 was a fundraiser dinner for the CF Foundation hosted by local professional sports teams. I hemorrhaged a ton of money on silent auction items, had a wonderful meal (can you say FILET?), and a great time with my new man. Our date tonight is dinner and drinks at my favorite ma and pop pizza joint. He's a great dater. He takes me to fun places and we always laugh and get along so well. We'll see what happens. I am still keeping track of the number of dates. Wonder if I will stop? My friend Renee told me that she kept a date journal of the first 18 months of her current relationship. I guess I am kinda doing the same thing.

I saw on tv last night that Oprah is airing a show (as I type) on women and their bras. They say that most women are not wearing the right bra size. Years ago Emily P told me the exact same stat. I promptly went to a department store and had myself professionally measured. Sure enough...I was wearing the wrong size. And even after I KNEW that I was several sizes bigger, I had a hard time getting away from wanting to buy the size I wore in college. I also had a hard time not wanting to buy all of my bras from Vickies. But...I since don't want my boobs to look like two socks with rocks in the bottom... I conceded and started buying more supportive... and well... less sexy bras. I know that someday after I have kids... the rock scenario may/will be inevitable...but for now...I want my girls to point north. Today (in honor of my date with Hot John) I have on one of my last surviving sexy bras...and I have spent the day tucking 'em back in and tugging at the bra...which by the way is NOT sexy. Six of one and one half dozen of another I guess. He better notice.

Insanity

I have been thinking about a ton of stuff recently....and the one thing that seems to stick out of all of my thoughts.... is a quote by Benjamin Franklin who said that "the definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results." How true is that? If we keep our behavior and life the same...and keep doing the same thing to only be disappointed by the same outcome... that is truly insane.

So listen to this....

So listen to this. There is this truck outside of our offices that has this loud ass alarm system that goes off ALL the freaking time. It is so annoying. He has a sign on the wall behind his truck that says where he works.…So being the pot-stirrer that I am, I called his ass and told him (in a nice way at first) that his alarm is disrupting our meetings and to see if he knows that it goes off a TON throughout the day. He was a total DICK.…So then the gloves came off. I told him that if doesn't do something to lessen the sensitivity of his alarm I would start calling the police. Then he started screaming at me saying "And where do you work Emily?" I laughed at him. It was funny. But I do have to admit, my heart is still beating out of my chest. Although, I think any guy who drives a truck that big and that souped up with an alarm that annoying must have a tiny weenie. Ha. After we got off the phone he set off his alarm about 5 times. Dick. My luck would be that someone will vandalize or steal his car...and I will now be a suspect. Ha. Maybe I shouldn't joke about that.

Date #5

John and I went on date #5 last night. I wonder when I will stop counting or keeping track of which date it is? Anyway. We went to the Avalanche game. He has connections and can get free tickets once in a while. So after work I headed to his house so we could jump on the lightrail by his house and head downtown.

As we were walking in, he is telling me about a trip to Boston he took with this really annoying guy. He was complaining that his friend never wanted to go out and eat the great food that Boston has to offer. And I say, "Yea, like cheesesteaks. Ahem...uhm... well.... well I guess Cheesesteaks are more of a Philly thing...but still." And he looks at me funny. And tells me that I "kinda lobbed that one up for him" (to hit out of the park). Ha. Yea, I guess I did.... an example of my spacey blonde side. Ha.

Our seats were amazing. We were sitting in the Avalanche's friends and family section of seating. John noticed a woman and her kid come in and sit next to us. He told me that he bets that they are the wife and kid of Pierre Turgeon and that he has scored 499 goals and might get 500 tonight. Scoring 500 career goals is a huge deal because only 30-something players have ever done that before in the history of the NHL. Anyway, Turgeon DID score his 500th goal and John high-fived Turgeon's wife and we got to see his daughter call on the cell phone and say "daddy just scored his 500th goal." It was a small slice of sports history and I won't ever forget it.

Sharon vs. Madonna

A classic, picture Sharon and her British accent saying this...

Sharon Osbourne is on a highly entertaining anti-Madonna tear. Last month it was, "She is so full of shit. She's into Kaballah one minute, she's a Catholic the next. She'll be a Hindu soon, no doubt." Now Mrs. Osbourne ranted to a British tabloid, "One day you’re in f***ing gun gear, then you’re in horsing gear, then you dress like a f***ing dyke, then you dress like a hooker, then you’re in a flowery dress reading kids’ poetry looking like a f***ing librarian—then you’re back looking like an old hooker again.” Finally, regarding the children's book Madonna wrote, Sharon says that she can "stick it up her [sugar bun]". - Source MSNBC

I am so laughing my ass off. I wonder what she really said instead of "sugar bun". I bet it was good.

T.O. got the T.K.O.

I am fairly tolerant of the actions of football players on other teams (teams other than the Broncos) .... all except for Terrell Owens, Wide Receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles. He is a loud mouth - there is no doubt about that. Honestly - I can usually deal with a loud mouth athlete... especially if their performance backs up their shit-talking. The shit-talking usually makes me laugh. T.O. is an amazing receiver...there's no doubt about that either. But T.O. talks shit about his own TEAM all over the media and in the locker room. He punched out a former team mate last week. And repeatedly verbally abuses the team's quarterback. No way. This guy is a thug...and I don't want to see his face on the TV anymore. Just announced today that Terrell Owens has been cut from the Eagles. Good job Coach Reid. There is no room for that kind of unsportsman like crap in the NFL. No room at any level... all the way down to little league. There are too many thugs in sports...and I commend Coach Reid for taking a stand against that kind of behavior. Even if they may not win another game this season.

I also think that it is fantastic that the NBA is not allowing any "bling" on the sidelines by players not suiting up for that night's game. GOOD! The players were beginning to look like one big tangled chuck of gross gold jewelry...not professional athletes. The players (even when sitting on the bench) make more than I do in 6 months, so they can wear a suit and look like a professional...not some punk ass kid from the streets.

Gala or gala? Potato or potato?

Since my last post I have been on 2 more dates with Framer John. He is a great guy and I am officially interested. His kisses make my knees weak. This is the part that scares the hell out of me. The part when I feel like I am starting to try and open my heart to someone... and to trust someone with my heart. He told me that he still hangs out with his ex-girlfriend (most recent long term relationship). I had a Ryan flash-back...I know...I know... he is not Ryan.

On Saturday night I went to a gala for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. I asked Erin how gala was pronounced. Is it gay-la or gal-la? We agreed that we had heard both pronunciations and should just call it a fundraiser. Ha. Anyway...the fundraiser was lovely. I wore the pink dress I bought for Cherill's wedding. It was perfect. I had to laugh about half way thru the dinner... I realized that I am soooo not a society chick.... and I am happy about that. I remember when I was younger thinking that I would like to someday be a local celeb society chick. Not anymore. Most of the women there were rich (ok, I would like to be rich...but not this other stuff), botox-filled, sequined to the max, gold jewelry wearing, snotty...and drunk (on one glass of champagne). I don't fit in... and I don't wanna. I do volunteer PR work for the Komen foundation and was invited by a board member because of my love for the entertainment... my favorite... Jim Brickman. He played for an hour and I was mezmerized. It was dreamy. I actually wished that John was there so we could laugh at the dumb ladies and enjoy the romantic music together.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Last night 51% of the voting public legalized the possession of pot in the Mile High City. Anyone over the age of 21 can have under an ounce of pot - legally. Here's the thing. The Federal and State laws still prohibit possession. I don't really understand what exactly was passed. Does anyone out there? I was really really shocked to see it pass. I voted yes but still shocked. I guess half the people in Denver think... smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

As I was watching the election coverage the cameras went from victory party to victory party. There were people in suits, politicians glad-handing the issues, cocktails, balloons and merriment. When they went to the victory party for the pot issue, there was only one person in the background. Some 18 year old boy who looked like he had Cheeto stained fingers, who was jumping in and out of the screen, laughing, putting up the HORNS with his fingers (rock on dude) and was whacked out on something... probably pot. I laughed my ass off. And everytime the media outlets would mention the pot issue...they would flash a picture of a huge ass pot plant and some burner taking a huge hit off of a bong. I would laugh, grunt and point at the tv everytime.

Blue Moon

As I am sitting at my desk free-basing chips and chocolate all leftover from the Halloween Potluck...it occurred to my WHY I am such a snacker right now. And in particular why I am eating chocolate. I don't have a sweet tooth at all. As a kid my Halloween candy used to rot in my room. Sign me up for bread and cheese by the fist full...but not sweets. Once in a blue moon around that "time of the month" I want chocolate. Ah... light dawns on pumpkin head. Ding! I get it now....as I am licking the caramel off of my thumb.

Speaking of light. Once a blue moon at a particular time of year, the sun is in the right part of the sky to reflect off the building across the street and BLIND me sitting at my desk. There is really nothing I can do but wait it out. It only lasts for about 6 minutes and 15 seconds. Taping paper on the window to block the sun? Nice try. Nothing works. Thank God, this blue moon only comes around once a year...and only a few minutes... each day... for a few days.