NICU

I have worked for a non profit for over a year now. I raise money for an organization that works to ensure that every baby has a healthy start. As an organization, we often take sponsors and other supporters on tours of a NICU in a hospital to show them where their money goes. I have avoided doing a NICU tour since I started working here. A NICU is a neo-natal intensive care unit....where sick babies go for care. I hate hospitals and often faint in them. The smell. Something to do with the smell of a hospital. Much to my chagrin, I had to take a NICU tour on Tuesday at 8 am. The first room we toured was a "hospice" room. The tour guide described the room as where parents who have decided to take their baby off of life support go to say goodbye. Then she proceeded to tell me that they put beds in this room because sometimes the babies don't die right away and some families spend a day, night or more in the room. When she said that, I gasped, covered my mouth...and cried. I have seen enough to know that I don't want to ever go into another NICU ever again. Ever. Pictures of these small babies fighting for every moment and breath....don't tell the real story. I was horribly upset and tortured by what I saw. Like I need another reason to keep me up at night. Right?

....on a side note....I started taking Folic Acid on Monday. Our first step in my preparation to become a mom. Todd and I will start to try for a baby after the wedding. We will "take the goalie out of the net". Score! Because of the line of work I am in...I am privy to many doctors and specialists who care for high-risk moms. Since I am over 35...I am a high-risk candidate. We will start talking to the best of the best. A benefit of the job. One. Benefit.