Forty

Yesterday was Todd's 40th birthday.  He said the sweetest thing at dinner last night.  He said that on his 34th birthday he remembered feeling blue and wondering what his life would be like when he turned 40.  He said he NEVER thought he would have a beautiful (awe) wife and daughter by 40.  He said that is a lot to accomplish in 6 years.  *tear*

Porn

I work at French school.  We often have people bring donated books by for our library.  Last week we got a call from a gentleman who said he had many beautiful French photo magazines he wanted to donate.  The gentleman and his sweet and quiet wife brought the "photo" magazines by.  There were about 100+ of them.  I thanked them and said we would get good use of them in our library.  The wife shot me a funny look...which I didn't understand....UNTIL....I pulled one of the "photo" magazines out.  Whoa nelly.  Porn.  Not Hustler like porn.  But very naked men and women everywhere....but yes, the "words" were in French....but damn.  Our whole staff laughed and laughed.  I keep laughing when I think of the look his wife shot me...and the way the gentleman said, "these are very cherished photo magazines but I needed to get rid of them.  I couldn't bare throwing them away."  Good lord.  The photo magazines are safe and sound in the back closet here...but we keep joking about what to do with them.  The French.  They are very funny.

Name

Enough people have asked me what the name of my blog means that I feel it's time for an explanation. Pantala Naga Pampa is a four-line song by the Dave Matthews Band on the "Before These Crowded Streets" album.


Come and relax now.

Put your troubles down.

No need to bear the weight of your worries.

You let them all fall away.

I have heard two translations to this phrase. First, the phrase is Gambian for "Welcome to our (my) home." It is also translated into "I have a python in my pants" in Indian. The first translation is more appropriate for my blog. However, who doesn't want a python in their pants? Ha.

As far as why Dave named this classic song as he did, the story goes that there was an Indian chef who cooked for the band during the recording of "Crash", who would shout out "pantala naga pampa" for reasons that were not entirely clear to anyone. This apparently cracked Dave up, who would shout it out back to the chef. When the instrumental piece appeared on "Before These Crowded Streets" as the first track, the song needed a name for the CD's track listing. Dave, who may (or may not) have then known what the phrase meant, thought that it would be funny to title the track "Pantala Naga Pampa." And so he did. And so did I.

Coupon

I have a Burger King close to my work.  Generally, I only go there to buy a soda for the road.  Who needs the calories or the stomach ache right?  Anyway.  Last time I was there to buy a soda they asked me if I wanted to buy a coupon book and support this local school.  Sure.  I tossed the coupon book in my purse and forgot about it.  Today I was starving and needed a quick bite between appointments.  I swung into Burger King.  I decided I would get a Whopper Jr (no onions), fry and soda.  Bad girl.  Anyway.  I see that the Value Meal is $3.59.  I show the girl at the counter my "coupon" for a free fry and order the burger and the drink.  She says, "that will be $5.62." Whoa.  I asked her why so much?  A freaking Value Meal is $3.59.  She explains that when I order the things separate it's more expensive...but that is the only way to use the "coupon"....can't do Value Meal price.  OK.  I know it's the lunch hour and no one wants to see me get up on my high-horse...over a couple bucks...but I did.  The manager came over and I explained the situation and how the math didn't add up.  My meal ended up being $3.00....but I am pretty sure it came with a free booger.

Bonding

Ava moved to a bigger classroom at daycare last week.  I was freaked (on the inside).  We just got her settled in the other room.  I didn't want to pull the rug out from under her....again.  She is doing ok in the bigger kid room....and she is really tired by the end of the day.  Today, her teacher asked me if it was ok if she played with Ava's hair as a way of bonding with her.  I said, "hell yes, and you can play with MY hair too....I think we need to bond as well."  She was a little shocked I said that...and laughed nervously.  Oooops.  Oh well, she will get used to me....just in time to have Ava move to a bigger room...and I can shock her new teacher too.  I foresee this behavior embarrassing Ava in a few years.  She too will get used to me. 

Risk

Whenever making a change, I try to measure the risk versus the reward.  I took a big risk at my new job.  I cancelled our Fall fundraising event because I felt it had run its course and it was time for something new.  I got several furrowed brows and 2nd guessing for cancelling the event.  I begged for the board of directors and staff to just trust me.  Huge risk.  If these classes flopped...I would have egg on my face big time.  I measured the risk versus reward and moved ahead.  My new educational wine tasting classes would be a ton more money and a ton less work....in my calculations. I am pleased to report that the Sept class is sold out and both October and November are on their way.  Revenue is way up and people are happy....especially me.  I love to be right.

Waaaaaa-Wa-Wa-Waaaaa-Wa

I was just sending a fax at work and my young early-20-something (hot) French intern was laughing at the noise this old fax machine makes.  It makes that same ol dial-up connection noise. Waaaaa-Waa-Waaaaaaa-Waaa.  Anyway.  I asked him if he remembers hearing that noise when logging onto a computer years ago.  He said yes, but when he was a kid.  Right.  I started telling him how much change I have seen in my 16 year career.  My first job at KOSI in 1994 I had a phone and a typewriter on my desk.  There were 2 computers in the building but they were for Sales Assistants only.  By the way....I had to explain what a typewriter is/was to him. I told him that I had to beg and plead with my General Manager at KOSI to get a website for the radio station.  He said to me...and I quote, "Oh Emily, I don't believe that www(dot) thing is going to catch on."  Oh my.  How things have changed. 

Perma-grin

My reunion was an absolute blast.  Lots of late nights (hi, up until 4 am), laughs, tears and liquor.  Good times.  I was so happy to be sitting and chatting with my girls that I had a perma-grin for 3 days straight.  My anxiety about having to re-tell my Coach horror stories was not needed.  I wasn't asked but a few times and I was cool about telling a story here and there.  What a great weekend.

I flew home on the 10th anniversary of 9-11.  My parents were kinda freaking...and probably because my dad worked for Joint Terrorism Task Force-Homeland Security for so long.  The airport had this silent-air about it.  No one was saying it but everyone was thinking it.  It was eery in a way.  Most people whispered.  And security was extra extra extra extra tight.  I was ok with the tight security.  Pretty sure that was the safest day ever to fly.

I was so excited to see Ava and Todd.  When I hopped in the car at the airport and tried to kiss Ava she was shocked to see me...then turned her head away when I asked for a kiss.  She was pissed at me. No smile...just a sad furrowed brow. She's only 1 1/2 years old. All that night she only wanted Todd.  She would freak if I left the room...but wouldn't let me hold her or kiss her.  Silly girl.  Broke my heart.  The next morning I heard her calling my name....mama....mama....mama.  I went in her room and she started jumping up and down so happy to see me and so full of kisses.  That's my girl.  We had a great say playing & cuddling.  Back. To. Normal.  Phew.

DSM

I leave tomorrow for a weekend trip to Des Moines, Iowa.  A trip alone.  No husband.  No kid.  Just me and my college softball buddies.  I am both anxious and excited.

Excited-
I am excited about two nights of uninterrupted sleep.  Ha.  I am excited to see my college softball girls....every time I see my girls... I laugh so much my sides hurt and I'm sore from laughing for days.  Good times.

Anxious-
One thing I am anxious about is the fact that my ol teammates love to tell stories or ask me to tell stories about the mean & nasty things my college coach did to me.  I can handle some of the more amusing stories...like when she kicked me out of practice because she couldn't hit a ground ball past me....and boy she tried....and tried...threw her bat at me...and kicked me out....I rock....just call me "the wall"....ha.  Anyway.  But I get tired of people thinking some of the things she did to me were funny...or that I want to relive them over and over....20 years later.  The things she did to me were down right abusive....physically and emotionally.  My teammates call me "Bad Dog"...our team mascot is a Bulldog.  Clever. Anyway.  I remember the first time Todd came to my reunion and he was listening to story after story of things my coach would do to me.  He pulled me aside and asked if the stories were true.  Sadly.  Yes.  He was astonished and said I should have pressed charges against her and/or beat the shit out of her.  Maybe I should have...maybe not.  I do know one thing for sure that bitch-on-wheels made me tough as nails....and it served me well in my career and my life.  And for that I thank her.  I also thank her for the excellent education I received with my scholarship.  And I truly thank her to recruiting me to play softball at Drake because I met the best friends....lifelong friends.  Thankful.

Fans

Broncos are #1!  Love this picture!

Saints

Our neighbors 2 doors down have 2 adopted children.  A girl who is 2...almost 3 and a boy who is 1 almost 2.  They are biological 1/2 brother and sister.  They share a birthday in December.  They are the cutest kids...and so happy....even though they both had a tough tough tough beginning in life.  It is clear that both have some delays or learning issues.  The mom told me that their biological mom has 8 kids.  Four of the kids are "missing" and they government tied her tubes after the youngest boy was born.  Sad.  Sigh.  Anyway.  We were playing with the neighbor kids at the park this afternoon.  The parents are so sweet and wonderful....saints.  As their sweet daughter was running circles around the playground the mom was telling us that when they got her as a foster child, doctors said she would never walk.  They were right....she doesn't walk.....she RUNS!  :)  I felt so happy and warm inside watching the love in their family.  The saints 2 doors down adopted 2 kids who clearly will have some challenges and showed them love.  In a loving home they are making huge developmental milestones.  So happy to watch those kids grow and bring joy to the world.  Love.  Powerful medicine.

Crazy

Crazy that I haven't posted in over a month.  I need to be better.  I think of things to write about all of the time and don't make time.

I feel like we are getting into the swing of adjusting to our new schedule now that I am back to work.  I don't feel a ton of anxiety every morning afraid I forgot to do something.  I like routine in the mornings.  Ava is enjoying school and learning new things all the time.  She is a little chatter box (shock) and I encourage her to talk.  I may be sorry someday...and wanting to play the game..."let's-see-who-can-be-quiet-the-longest".

My job is going really well.  I have made some significant changes to the way things work in my department...now I just need those changes to work.  I cancelled some annual events this Fall that didn't make much if any money and replaced them with a series of Educational French Wine Tasting Classes.  I think we will attract a younger crowd and a new audience.  Fingers crossed.  Sales are slow...but pacing well.

On my drive into work today I smiled as I thought of the people in my life.  I only surround myself with people who truly love me and fill my soul.  I have successfully "weeded my garden" of negative "friends" and people who EXPECT me to do certain things for them without asking or saying a simple thank you.  I feel fully loved...and I love fully.

Ava has been having restless nights of sleep for the past week.  She is teething like it's her full-time job. This morning I felt 4 new molars coming in.  Several times a night, she wakes up and calls for me.  I give her some oragel and I hold her.  When she falls asleep I lay her back in bed.  She's a sweet girl.  The other night I was exhausted and so tired but I reminded myself that I have to cherish this time in her life.  She will only be this little for a short while....so little that she can lay on my chest and sleep on my shoulder.  *tears streaming*  I laugh now because I kept kissing her as I was thinking about this...and she gave me one kiss...and then told me no more kisses mama....I want to sleep....by turning her head away from me. 

Life is grand.

Rest

My big event was on Saturday...and it was a great success.  We had a 28% yoy increase in revenue.  Not bad for something I put together in 3 months working part time.  I worked my ever-loving-ass off in the weeks prior.  Sick amount of hours....so I was hardly part time.  Ha.

Sunday after the event I had planned to hang with Todd and Ava.  I planned a gorgeous dinner and we were gonna watch a movie....cuddle....snuggle and relax.  Around 3 pm, Todd went upstairs to take a nap and Ava and I went outside to swim in her pool.  We came in about an hour later to discover that the power was out.  It's eery how quiet our house was without the hum of the fishtanks and the AC. We got on line and found out that a huge sink hole happened on a main road by our house that had knocked power out to all of our city.  The website told us that they were working to get power back on for all.  We went out to dinner and when we came home saw that they had restored power to part of our neighborhood.  Hope!  By 9 pm we didn't have power and it was hot in our house.  Did I mention that it was almost 100 degrees that day?  Hot.  Ava would NOT go to sleep.  So Ava and I loaded up the car and headed to my parent's house.  Todd stayed behind to watch our food and take care of the animals.  Lucky for us that since I had been working so much there wasn't that much food in the house.  Really not what I had planned for our family night.  Power came back on around midnight.  Grrr.  It's amazing how dependent we are on power.  I felt Amish. 

 I took today off and am trying to catch up on some rest.  I slept in...Todd took Ava to daycare....I got a massage....then went to the farmers market...then came home and napped for 3 hours.  I am now of course sick...bad cough and sore throat.  Sweet.  Ava is at daycare right now and I feel guilty having her there when I am home....but I need rest.

F

We got an invitation from Ava's school for a Father's Day party this afternoon.  On the front it says, "Your Invited".  Really?  I own invited?  What is an invited?  F - a big red F.  You're is you are.  Your is possessive.  I really have a huge pet peeve for this.  This is the daycare and highly accredited school we rip up 100 bills each week so she can be a part of their educational system?  Scared.

Clichés

I speak using clichés all the time.  I didn't realize this until recently.  At my new job, 99% of the employees are French.  They all speak like 4 languages.  At work I have to really check my use of clichés at the door. Ha.  I have found that many American phrases are lost in translation with the French.  In one of my first staff meetings I said, "We are really behind the 8-ball on this event."  And they all giggled.  No one would tell me what was funny.  I explained the American phrase or cliché for "behind the 8-ball" refers to the game of pool or billiards and the position of the cue ball in a tough spot...behind the 8-ball.  More giggles.  OK.  I'm pretty sure they think I am an avid drug user.  So anyway... this same thing has happened a few more times.  The other day I said, "trying to find a needle in a haystack".  Giggles.  I'm sure they think... what in the hell is she talking about someone shooting up in a barn?  And another drug reference.  Or "Not to beat a dead horse."  I'm sure they thought....this girl is crazy, likes to hurt animals...and what is up with her obsession with farms and farm animals?  And just today I said, "It's raining like cats and dogs out there."  Again.  More animals and totally lost in translation.  Even I don't know what the hell it really means to rain like cats and dogs.  Hum. 

Birds

This going back to work, being a part time stay-at-home mom and being sick all the time thing is for the birds.  So tired of being tired and sick. Sick and tired.  Ha.  I had the longest day yesterday. Got to work and was busy all day.  They are getting full-time work out of me...for this part time job.  Then at 5:15 pm I am grabbing my purse to go pick up Ava and one of our board members walks in my office and plops down to chat.  She has a 6 pm French class here and just wanted to say hi.  Dammit.  I try to politely tell her I need to go pick up my daughter, but she wasn't catching my drift.  Ava was at my parent's house yesterday so I knew I could be a wee bit late.  They won't charge me a $1 a minute for being late...like daycare does.  Ha.  Anyway I finally get released from my hostage situation and rush for the door.  Traffic was ridiculous.  And THEN as I am merging onto I-25 from 6th Avenue this stupid guy on a motorcycle cuts ME off, then flips ME off and I miss my exit.  Oh well...I go to the next one and turn around but it added 15 minutes to my already long drive.  THEN as I am getting close to home I witness a car accident right in front of me and decide to pull over and give my statement.  Thank goodness no one was hurt.  I didn't get home until 7:30 pm.  Poor Ava.  She was OVER it and tired.  And so was I.  Cheers to a better day today!  :)

Easter

Yesterday was Ava's 2nd Easter.  She was 5 days old last Easter.  So now, she's been in our world for at least ONE of every holiday.  Just buidling memories here peeps.  Here's a few cute pictures of our girl on Easter.  She's a cutie patootie. 

Village

I have the most amazing friends in the world.  I feel blessed to have such a great group of people in my life.  I have been feeling a little isolated somedays because we live so far from everyone.  I know my friends would do anything for me and I would do anything for them.  Sadly my very bestest friends live pretty far away.  Although I know they would be here as fast as possible if I needed them and visa versa...I wish they lived closer.  I have always wished we had cool neighbors to hang out with on weekends.  Or friends for Ava that are close to us.  Just hasn't been in the cards....until recently.  My friend Rene` introduced me to her    childhood best friend Carolyn.  She lives literally 5 minutes away.  Her husband Jay is so cool and they have a 5 year old daughter.  We have done several things with them and they rock.  Carolyn watches Ava from time to time....like today.  I had a dentist appointment and instead of having to drive so far to have family watch her for an hour, Carolyn watched her.  Ava loves Carolyn and never cries when she is there.  Today I called Carolyn after my dentist appointment and she said that Ava was sleeping and I should go run an errand.  So I ran to Target to pick up a few things.  While I was there I ran into a childhood friend of mine, Michelle.  She said, "What are you doing out here?"  And I said, "I live out here!"  We both laughed and talked of how far we live from everyone.  We exchanged phone numbers.  Yay!  A few weeks back I found out that an old friend of mine from radio, Julie, lives right up the street from us.  Another friend.  Close.  It takes a village they say and I am rebuilding my village close to home. 

Born

I'm addicted to that show "One Born Every Minute".  I dvr record it and watch it when Todd is not home or sleeping.  He is not amused about a show about women giving birth.  I watch the show and cry.  I am sure that is another reason why Todd doesn't like watching this show with me either.  Shock.  Ha.  Sometimes watching the show makes me want to have another baby so bad.  Because Ava's birth was a c-section, we missed out on that delivery experience.  Where the doctor lays the baby on your chest and you get to hold them and kiss them moments after their birth day.  I had a bad c-section and had a flurry of docs around me because of my issues during the surgery.  And Ava was whisked off to the NICU.  I didn't see her for over 5 hours after she was born.  I really wish we had that bonding moment right after she was born.  In the big picture I feel blessed she is here and healthy.  But I can still wish I would have had a more natural experience.  So.  I watch this show and get over it. 

Flu

I started my new job last week in the midst of one of the toughest weeks I have had in a while.  My schedule is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.  OK.  Monday, Ava woke up with her first illness...stomach flu.  Blech.  We ironically already had an appointment at her doctor for that morning.  Ava puked all over me sitting in the doctor's office.  Poor boo.  Then she puked all over me again later that afternoon.  I was starting my new job and nervous about leaving a sick baby.  Tuesday, Todd came home from work with the stomach flu.  He has never taken even one day of sick leave in 8 years at this job...so I knew he was really sick.  My parents watch Ava on Tuesdays so they had her the 2nd day of her flu.  She seemed to do ok, didn't puke again and didn't have a fever so I took her to school on Wednesday.  Todd stayed home from work on Wednesday...really really sick.  I go to day 2 of my new job only to puke all over my office in the afternoon.  Sweet.  I went home early.  I puked all the way home out my car door.  Ava had an awful day at school/day care and cried most of the day unless someone was holding her.  I got her home on Wednesday and both Todd and I are siiiiiick.  Sucky.  It was tough to care for Ava because we both were so wiped out.  And she was so clingy after being at school...she just wanted to be held...and we both just wanted to puke.  Thursday, I'm feeling better and Todd is doing ok.  I go to work, and Todd only makes it a few hours before he was home again.  Ava had another challenging day at school.  Sigh.  Then the shitstorm of other tough things starts.  My best friend's dad passed away.  :( My grandpa went into the hospital and was/is not doing well.  My parents had to put their dog Shelby to sleep...she was very ill and 17 years old.  Our toilet broke (money we don't have to fix blah).  And so on and so on.  One thing after another.  At one point I looked at Todd and said, I didn't think I could take any more. 

And on an amazing note, my sister had her 2nd child and she's wonderful happy and healthy.  SO wonderful.  Her birth kept me going.  I missed her birth because we had been so sick and I would never want to expose her to an icky sickness.  I was so broken up about missing her birth.  I wanted to be there sooo bad.  Sigh.

Things are going better now....and I know that God will only give me what He knows I can handle.  I just wish He didn't trust me so much.