Matrix

My new iPhone died after only having it for a few months.  Apple replaced it for free and mailed a new one to my house.  Inside the box were instructions on how to set up my phone.  I guess I expected to have to go back to Verizon to have activate my phone.  Nope.  It was cool.  All I had to do was download my phone's content to iCloud and then upload it to my new phone.  Now...all my phone stuff is automatically backed up daily...to the clouds.  Kinda made me scratch my head.  I mean...I'm sure this stuff is kinda secure....but is it?  Who knows.  So if you see that iCloud has been hacked....don't open any emails from me....probably a virus.  Ha.  But seriously I now feel like anyone can see my text messages, emails and photos....that now live in the clouds.  I am on the matrix now people.  Don't send me anything dirty....who knows who is watching.

Angels

I took this photo of Todd and Ava the other night.  I was shocked to see all of the orbs or circles of light surrounding them.  I showed it to some friends and they all feel that the orbs are our guardian angels.  I like that.  I like thinking someone (or it appears several) angels are watching over us.  However, since it appears there are so many I wonder if there is something they need extra help protecting us from.

Addict

My name is Emily and I am a Kardashian addict.  Ok.  I said it.  I'm an addict not because I look up to them or aspire to be like them.  No.  I just like watching the train wrecks they create.  It's mind-candy if you will. 

I was catching up on my dvr'ed episodes of Keeping Up with The Kardashians and was dying laughing at a recent show.  Kim and Kourtney went to see a psychic on the anniversary of their dad's death.  They are both bawling and carrying on about everything this guy was saying about their past and stories with their dead dad.  Uh.  All that "psychic" had to do was freaking google them and read all of those stories.  It was rich.  I was just sat there shaking my head.  Ha.

Vive!

Since I work at a French language and cultural center and I constantly surrounded by Francophones and Franophiles...basically many Frenchys.  I found this article on how the French raise children very interesting and true.  We offer French classes for children as small as 1-2 years old through teen age years.  There are always a bunch of kids here.  Let-me-tell-you.  The difference between the behavior of the children from the French mothers and the children from the American mothers is pretty shocking.  French children are generally quiet, polite and sweet.  And...sadly the American kids are loud and no-so-polite all of the time.  It's a good read and a good reminder.

Daughters

Last Saturday, I attended Glenn's funeral.  (See earlier post).  It was awful.  Beside the fact that such a young man died, (I found out he did commit suicide by jumping to his death).  The worst of the worst was watching his 4 year old daughter deal with the death of her father.  She made funny faces every time people looked at her.  She was just trying in the only way she knew to deal with the pain...by making faces.  Adults can't process such a tragedy....how can a 4 year old deal?  When her family would cry she would jump off the pew and run a picture she had colored over to them.  She was trying to help the adults through their pain....as she was in pain too.  She put a picture of a soccer ball on her dad's coffin.  I bawled.  I kept thinking why was the 4 year old at the funeral?  I think she's too young to go through that.  Too young. 

Glenn's girlfriend made a big scene at the start of the funeral.  His ex wife and daughter were sitting in the front row on the right side of the church.  The first 3 rows on the left side of the church were completely open.  The girlfriend had the funeral director go up to the ex wife and ask her to move to the other rows because the gf wanted to sit in those particular front row seats.  It was embarrassing.  The funeral director said, "his family would like these seats, please move over."  The ex wife said, "we ARE his family.  I'm his ex wife and this is his daughter."  They moved and my heart broke. 

I only hope they all find peace.

JoPa

Joe Paterno died over the weekend at the age of 85.  I watched as seemingly intelligent people posted their condolences on facebook.  Saying he will be missed and was a great man.  I beg to differ.  You are only as great as your worst act.  His actions or in-actions are unforgivable.  What about the young boys who were forever scarred by what happened?  What about them?  They are not "resting in peace" or being honored by people for their legacy.  Everytime I see his face on tv my stomach hurts.  He's not a winner, he's a cowardly loser.  Ok.  Rant over.  End scene.

Darling

Since I worked in radio for 15 years, I am often entertained how ass-backwards that business is all the time.  I also have to laugh at how incestuous radio is...and always has been.  An OLD radio "darling" is back on the air here.  She used to be a part of a big time morning show back in the 90's.  She got a big head and moved to LA because she was too big for this place.  So she blew this popsicle stand  (and everything in its way)...and headed west.  Well in LA she crashed and burned in an ugly way.  Worked at a couple small markets here and there where she crashed and burned there too.  I am not usually this mean about people who crash and burn (we all fail)...but this girl is someone I knew...and there's history there.

I actually hung out with her socially during the hey-days at her former show in the 90s.  Not because we were great friends per se but she was good friends with another girl. I liked her...she was fun to be around....don't get me wrong.  But this radio "diva" would write down the things that we did out partying then use our names on the air but change all the details to be more juicy. Oh joy. Explaining that to my mom was fun.  And,  I always felt like the star of an After School Special when we were out.  "No, I don't DO DRUGS."  Over and over again.  Ha.  Anyway. She’s a hot mess. And working in the same building with her again (a few years back when I was still in radio) she was the same as always, about one step away from imploding. Anyway. She's back on the air here...and I smell burning.  I think her act worked when she was younger….but not now. When she started on the show she was fresh faced and everyone loved watching/listening to her adventures. In fact, I remember being in a meeting back in the day and they described the show with with her former co-hosts as The Dick, The Dork and The Darling. Now, she’s no darling… just coo coo for cocoa puffs. Maybe the only entertaining part of the show will be listening to her cat fight with her current co-hosts, and that is only entertaining for about 10 minutes…and then yawn. I guess time will tell. 

Glenn

A friend from work died a few days ago.  He was a member of our board of directors....and I really liked him.  He was a few years older than me and had more money than anyone else I know.  He had a pent house in downtown overlooking the baseball field.  In fact, I joked with him that the patio at his pent house was bigger than my whole condo.  (It was)  This pent house was not his main home....just where he liked to hang out once in a while.  His main home was in Castle Pines next door to many Denver Broncos.  I was at a party at the Castle Pines mansion this summer.  He showed me his car "museum".  He had a Lamborghini, Mercedes, Porsche SUV and a classic Ford.  OK.  I will stop, my friend Glenn was loaded. 

No one has really told me (nor to people know) the whole story of how a 44 year old man died so young.  I know a few things.  I know he fell to his death off the patio at his pent house downtown.  I have heard he and his girlfriend were fighting before he died.  Lots of talking and rumors flying around.  Some think he jumped.  Some think he fell.  Some think she pushed him.  It's all so fraught.  Part of me really needs to know how he died.  I'm not sure why...but I do.  I think I can process his death that way.  Maybe make sense of it?  I dunno.  I don't think we will ever know the truth.  My heart hurts for his family.  I only mentioned how much money Glenn had to highlight how money doesn't buy happiness.  It sure makes things easier...but not happier.  I really hope he didn't jump.  I think that would suck more than anything.

Butterfly

We went to the Butterfly Pavilion today.  Ava freaking loves butterflies.  Every time she sees a butterfly in a book or outside, she starts saying "butterfly, butterfly, butterfly".  It's really quite sweet.  This place is really cool.  They have a room where the butterflies are flying around you.  One actually landed on Todd and was hitchhiking around on his shirt. 

I found it fascinating the immense amount of change a butterfly goes through in such a short period of time.  They start out as an egg that is laid on a leaf.  In a few weeks that egg turns into a caterpillar.  That caterpillar eats his face off for a couple weeks and then creates a cocoon.  They grow in that cocoon for a few weeks and become a beautiful butterfly.  The sad thing is that these beautiful butterflies only live a few weeks.  It's ironic that they spend a 3/4 of their lives trying to become a butterfly....something beautiful....and then only live a few more weeks.  Anyway.  Just made me think about how important it is to live each day and moment....because you never know how long you really have.

Forty

Yesterday was Todd's 40th birthday.  He said the sweetest thing at dinner last night.  He said that on his 34th birthday he remembered feeling blue and wondering what his life would be like when he turned 40.  He said he NEVER thought he would have a beautiful (awe) wife and daughter by 40.  He said that is a lot to accomplish in 6 years.  *tear*

Porn

I work at French school.  We often have people bring donated books by for our library.  Last week we got a call from a gentleman who said he had many beautiful French photo magazines he wanted to donate.  The gentleman and his sweet and quiet wife brought the "photo" magazines by.  There were about 100+ of them.  I thanked them and said we would get good use of them in our library.  The wife shot me a funny look...which I didn't understand....UNTIL....I pulled one of the "photo" magazines out.  Whoa nelly.  Porn.  Not Hustler like porn.  But very naked men and women everywhere....but yes, the "words" were in French....but damn.  Our whole staff laughed and laughed.  I keep laughing when I think of the look his wife shot me...and the way the gentleman said, "these are very cherished photo magazines but I needed to get rid of them.  I couldn't bare throwing them away."  Good lord.  The photo magazines are safe and sound in the back closet here...but we keep joking about what to do with them.  The French.  They are very funny.

Name

Enough people have asked me what the name of my blog means that I feel it's time for an explanation. Pantala Naga Pampa is a four-line song by the Dave Matthews Band on the "Before These Crowded Streets" album.


Come and relax now.

Put your troubles down.

No need to bear the weight of your worries.

You let them all fall away.

I have heard two translations to this phrase. First, the phrase is Gambian for "Welcome to our (my) home." It is also translated into "I have a python in my pants" in Indian. The first translation is more appropriate for my blog. However, who doesn't want a python in their pants? Ha.

As far as why Dave named this classic song as he did, the story goes that there was an Indian chef who cooked for the band during the recording of "Crash", who would shout out "pantala naga pampa" for reasons that were not entirely clear to anyone. This apparently cracked Dave up, who would shout it out back to the chef. When the instrumental piece appeared on "Before These Crowded Streets" as the first track, the song needed a name for the CD's track listing. Dave, who may (or may not) have then known what the phrase meant, thought that it would be funny to title the track "Pantala Naga Pampa." And so he did. And so did I.

Coupon

I have a Burger King close to my work.  Generally, I only go there to buy a soda for the road.  Who needs the calories or the stomach ache right?  Anyway.  Last time I was there to buy a soda they asked me if I wanted to buy a coupon book and support this local school.  Sure.  I tossed the coupon book in my purse and forgot about it.  Today I was starving and needed a quick bite between appointments.  I swung into Burger King.  I decided I would get a Whopper Jr (no onions), fry and soda.  Bad girl.  Anyway.  I see that the Value Meal is $3.59.  I show the girl at the counter my "coupon" for a free fry and order the burger and the drink.  She says, "that will be $5.62." Whoa.  I asked her why so much?  A freaking Value Meal is $3.59.  She explains that when I order the things separate it's more expensive...but that is the only way to use the "coupon"....can't do Value Meal price.  OK.  I know it's the lunch hour and no one wants to see me get up on my high-horse...over a couple bucks...but I did.  The manager came over and I explained the situation and how the math didn't add up.  My meal ended up being $3.00....but I am pretty sure it came with a free booger.

Bonding

Ava moved to a bigger classroom at daycare last week.  I was freaked (on the inside).  We just got her settled in the other room.  I didn't want to pull the rug out from under her....again.  She is doing ok in the bigger kid room....and she is really tired by the end of the day.  Today, her teacher asked me if it was ok if she played with Ava's hair as a way of bonding with her.  I said, "hell yes, and you can play with MY hair too....I think we need to bond as well."  She was a little shocked I said that...and laughed nervously.  Oooops.  Oh well, she will get used to me....just in time to have Ava move to a bigger room...and I can shock her new teacher too.  I foresee this behavior embarrassing Ava in a few years.  She too will get used to me. 

Risk

Whenever making a change, I try to measure the risk versus the reward.  I took a big risk at my new job.  I cancelled our Fall fundraising event because I felt it had run its course and it was time for something new.  I got several furrowed brows and 2nd guessing for cancelling the event.  I begged for the board of directors and staff to just trust me.  Huge risk.  If these classes flopped...I would have egg on my face big time.  I measured the risk versus reward and moved ahead.  My new educational wine tasting classes would be a ton more money and a ton less work....in my calculations. I am pleased to report that the Sept class is sold out and both October and November are on their way.  Revenue is way up and people are happy....especially me.  I love to be right.

Waaaaaa-Wa-Wa-Waaaaa-Wa

I was just sending a fax at work and my young early-20-something (hot) French intern was laughing at the noise this old fax machine makes.  It makes that same ol dial-up connection noise. Waaaaa-Waa-Waaaaaaa-Waaa.  Anyway.  I asked him if he remembers hearing that noise when logging onto a computer years ago.  He said yes, but when he was a kid.  Right.  I started telling him how much change I have seen in my 16 year career.  My first job at KOSI in 1994 I had a phone and a typewriter on my desk.  There were 2 computers in the building but they were for Sales Assistants only.  By the way....I had to explain what a typewriter is/was to him. I told him that I had to beg and plead with my General Manager at KOSI to get a website for the radio station.  He said to me...and I quote, "Oh Emily, I don't believe that www(dot) thing is going to catch on."  Oh my.  How things have changed. 

Perma-grin

My reunion was an absolute blast.  Lots of late nights (hi, up until 4 am), laughs, tears and liquor.  Good times.  I was so happy to be sitting and chatting with my girls that I had a perma-grin for 3 days straight.  My anxiety about having to re-tell my Coach horror stories was not needed.  I wasn't asked but a few times and I was cool about telling a story here and there.  What a great weekend.

I flew home on the 10th anniversary of 9-11.  My parents were kinda freaking...and probably because my dad worked for Joint Terrorism Task Force-Homeland Security for so long.  The airport had this silent-air about it.  No one was saying it but everyone was thinking it.  It was eery in a way.  Most people whispered.  And security was extra extra extra extra tight.  I was ok with the tight security.  Pretty sure that was the safest day ever to fly.

I was so excited to see Ava and Todd.  When I hopped in the car at the airport and tried to kiss Ava she was shocked to see me...then turned her head away when I asked for a kiss.  She was pissed at me. No smile...just a sad furrowed brow. She's only 1 1/2 years old. All that night she only wanted Todd.  She would freak if I left the room...but wouldn't let me hold her or kiss her.  Silly girl.  Broke my heart.  The next morning I heard her calling my name....mama....mama....mama.  I went in her room and she started jumping up and down so happy to see me and so full of kisses.  That's my girl.  We had a great say playing & cuddling.  Back. To. Normal.  Phew.

DSM

I leave tomorrow for a weekend trip to Des Moines, Iowa.  A trip alone.  No husband.  No kid.  Just me and my college softball buddies.  I am both anxious and excited.

Excited-
I am excited about two nights of uninterrupted sleep.  Ha.  I am excited to see my college softball girls....every time I see my girls... I laugh so much my sides hurt and I'm sore from laughing for days.  Good times.

Anxious-
One thing I am anxious about is the fact that my ol teammates love to tell stories or ask me to tell stories about the mean & nasty things my college coach did to me.  I can handle some of the more amusing stories...like when she kicked me out of practice because she couldn't hit a ground ball past me....and boy she tried....and tried...threw her bat at me...and kicked me out....I rock....just call me "the wall"....ha.  Anyway.  But I get tired of people thinking some of the things she did to me were funny...or that I want to relive them over and over....20 years later.  The things she did to me were down right abusive....physically and emotionally.  My teammates call me "Bad Dog"...our team mascot is a Bulldog.  Clever. Anyway.  I remember the first time Todd came to my reunion and he was listening to story after story of things my coach would do to me.  He pulled me aside and asked if the stories were true.  Sadly.  Yes.  He was astonished and said I should have pressed charges against her and/or beat the shit out of her.  Maybe I should have...maybe not.  I do know one thing for sure that bitch-on-wheels made me tough as nails....and it served me well in my career and my life.  And for that I thank her.  I also thank her for the excellent education I received with my scholarship.  And I truly thank her to recruiting me to play softball at Drake because I met the best friends....lifelong friends.  Thankful.

Fans

Broncos are #1!  Love this picture!

Saints

Our neighbors 2 doors down have 2 adopted children.  A girl who is 2...almost 3 and a boy who is 1 almost 2.  They are biological 1/2 brother and sister.  They share a birthday in December.  They are the cutest kids...and so happy....even though they both had a tough tough tough beginning in life.  It is clear that both have some delays or learning issues.  The mom told me that their biological mom has 8 kids.  Four of the kids are "missing" and they government tied her tubes after the youngest boy was born.  Sad.  Sigh.  Anyway.  We were playing with the neighbor kids at the park this afternoon.  The parents are so sweet and wonderful....saints.  As their sweet daughter was running circles around the playground the mom was telling us that when they got her as a foster child, doctors said she would never walk.  They were right....she doesn't walk.....she RUNS!  :)  I felt so happy and warm inside watching the love in their family.  The saints 2 doors down adopted 2 kids who clearly will have some challenges and showed them love.  In a loving home they are making huge developmental milestones.  So happy to watch those kids grow and bring joy to the world.  Love.  Powerful medicine.