Juror #1881

About a month ago I got a summons for Jury Duty for today. Crap. I know...I know...it's my Civil duty to participate in our judicial system...blah blah blah. But I was not looking forward to going. I know I would be a great juror...but my work doesn't get done if I don't do it...so I didn't wanna go.

I showed up promptly at 8:30 am and walked to the back of the room to sit down. They waited until after 9 am to start talking to us. We watch a short video on what to expect. Then the Jury Commissioner starts explaining what will happen next....then says that there will now be a 15 minute break...then she pauses. I stand up thinking it was break time. She scolds me to sit down until she is done talking. The really hot guy who is sitting next to me whispers "Busted!" We laugh. After the break we all assemble in the room again and they start calling juror numbers. MY # was the 2nd number called. Damn! I look over at the hot guy and whisper "I knew it." He laughs, "you got called already?" "Yup!" I reply. As I was leaning down to grab my purse the Jury Commissioner starts yelling (much like the teacher in Ferris Bueller) "1881, 1881, 1881" I stand up and wave. She snaps, "Say HERE when I call your number." Hot guy says, "Busted!" We both cracked up.

It's now about 9:30 am. All 24 of us go in the hallway to find out that we have to wait until 11 am for our jury selection for the criminal trial that is projected to go several days. Crap!!!

As I am walking out of the City and County Building I see this nasty woman who is handcuffed and being escorted by 3 cops. She is yelling and thrashing about. She is yelling "I am gonna kill you, you fucking bitch, I am gonna slit your fucking throat." Sweet. Another satisfied customer.

At about 11:30 am...after the break (and a 30 minute delay) we were all ushered into the court room. The judge talked about what would happen next. She then called 12 random names....but not mine. Weeee! I am sitting next to this girl who reeks of vomit and stomach bile. She is white as a ghost and keeps waving her hand in front of her face like a person playing a tambourine. I can hear her dry heave. I look at her and say, "Are you ok?" Now keep in mind they have packed us like sardines into these pew-like seats. She tells me that she is gonna get sick. I point to the door for her to leave. She doesn't, so I get up and move. I am sure as hell not going to get puked on by some stranger OR catch whatever crap she's got. She glared at me. Whatever. I so don't care.

It's now about 12:30 pm. Each of the 12 people on the panel have been asked some serious personal questions like "have you ever been a defendant, plaintiff or witness in a trial?" If you said yes you had to tell everyone what you did or what someone you know did or what happened to you....or you could ask to approach the bench and tell the judge and both attorneys in private...but then everyone else knew you did something bad or embarrassing.

The case before the court was an harassment case. He was charged with "improper touching". Yikes. LOL! I started thinking of things I could say to get me excused from the case. "Ahem, the defendant looks like Merv the Perv." "I want to see him get the death penalty." "I believe in an eye for an eye and his hand should be cut off." My mind was racing when I heard the judge say to the panel, "Do any of you have any Law Enforcement in your family or a close friend in Law Enforcement?" SWEEEET! I am soooo outta here. "Ahem yes, my dad, my brother, my cousin, my aunt, my uncle...I could really go on and on. And for the record, cops are always right and criminals should be shot via firing line." LOL! I never got called up to the panel and got to go to work by 1:45 pm....but whew!

One final comment. I did have to laugh at how all 12 of those people kept saying that they ALL are unbiased towards EVERYONE. That they ALL are NOT racists. That they ALL can see the GOOD in people. C'mon people, you may claim to be not biased, racist and good-hearted...but I am calling you a liar.