Not one thing... done... well

Last night at about 11 pm I was still at the office and seconds away from a nervous breakdown. Exhausted. Frustrated. Hungry. Cranky. Overwhelmed. The tears started streaming down my face and I was shaking. I got up from my desk, grabbed my purse and went home right that second.

Coaching softball is taking a toll on me. The time commitment for coaching is enormous. On an average week, I have to leave work by 4:45 on practice days and 3 pm on game days. We have practice twice a week and 1 or 2 games a week. Monday-Friday. Once I get to softball and see my dad and the girls...I love it...and it's worth it. But damn.

Work is always nuts for me. I work hard. Let me put it this way, at my last radio gig, I had 4 full-time people in my department that got the same job done that I do here...alone. Two weeks ago I was asked to put together a HUGE project for the station that was due in 2 days. I did it. Their plan changed. Re-do HUGE said project again in 2 days. I did it. The plan changed again. Re-do HUGE project a 3rd time. OK...you get the point. This went on and on. I got another change in the program that is due at 7:30 am tomorrow. I will be here all night.

I got so upset last night because I realized that I am not doing one thing in my life...well. The perfectionist in me got a bad realization. I may not be perfect. I am not Super Woman. I am not doing one thing well. I am often late to softball because of work (bad coach), my cat feels like an orphan (bad mom), my work is tough(bad employee), I don't have time to see my friends (bad friend), I have had to say no to a couple dates (bad dater), I haven't had time to blog (bad blogger), I have a pile of emails and tons of personal voicemails to reply to that are over a week old (bad email/phone friend), I have dishes piling up in my sink (sick)...there's more but I will spare you.

To add insult to injury, I called my mom last night and burst into tears. This morning she sent me a wonderful "you are the best and brightest kid in the world" email. I replied to her and thanked for being a fabulous and supportive mama and explained WHY I burst into tears. I said that work is tough and softball is making it tough to catch up. My dad read the email (they have a joint account) and sent me an email that said:

Emily:
I can finish the remainder of the season with Katrina and Becky. They are ready to assume more responsibility. I have really enjoyed coaching with you. Thank you for all of your help.
Love,
Dad

My heart broke. Damn. I called my dad and explained that I am not a quitter, I made a commitment to him and the girls and I plan to see this through.

Times are tough. But I am tougher.