Hannah

Can I tell you how great it feels to know that I can go home after work...and I don't have to go melt in the surface-of-the-sun heat at softball practice? It's wonderful. I did love coaching, but I am gonna love having some free time again.

Last night my favorite little player, Hannah, called me at home to see if I was watching the USA vs Japan softball game on tv. Ahhhhhh! What a cutie. I answered the phone and I hear her voice, "Uh, Hi, Coach Emily? This is Hannah from the Eagles." Ahhhhhh! We chatted about softball and what she did that day. I told her that she should call me anytime that she wants to. I could hear the smile on her face in her voice. Cute! A few weeks ago at practice Hannah's dad told me that Hannah is actually his "shy one." Her twin sister is actually the outgoing one...and Hannah usually doesn't act this sassy. He told me that he thinks that softball has brought out something wonderful in her. Smile!

A special shout out to Em P...Happy Birthday friend!

Titles

There are many new titles in my life. I am now a sister-in-law. I have a brother-in-law. My sister is now a Mrs. I have been fighting at work to get Marketing added to my title...since I already do the Marketing...I want the title. But the title that I got this weekend makes the other titles seem less important. I got the title of girlfriend. Todd told me he didn't want me to see anyone else EVER again. Ahhhhhh!

The boyfriend Bermuda Triangle

The last 3 guys I have dated all disappeared after going to visit their parents in Vegas. True story. John, Danny & Jim. They went to Vegas...then I never heard from them again...or I did hear from them...and we broke up right away. Vegas is my "boyfriend Bermuda Triangle."

Now... Todd is going to Vegas. Yup! He leaves Monday for a full week. The first 3 days he will be in sales training for work...and the last 4 days he will be with his parents...they live in Henderson...just outside of Vegas. I had to crack up when he told me he was going. Honestly though, I don't think the power of the "boyfriend Bermuda Triangle" will swallow up Todd....but I did have to laugh.

Out of Range

Last night I got home from softball practice and was going through my mail. I opened a letter from my doctor. I had some blood work done a few weeks ago and figured it was my results. My doctor always runs a very detailed blood work up on me every year because I always run a fever of around 99-100 degrees. She can't figure out what's "wrong" with me...and I joke with her that I am just HOT. Ha! I don't think anything is "wrong" with me... I have always been like this. Anyway. I opened the letter and started freaking out because every thing was out of range... BAD out of range. I started frantically reading the brochure on What Your Blood Test Results Mean. I was freaking. I usually get a hand-written note from my doc saying "Perfect" or "You are very healthy, keep it up!" Gold star for Emily. Not this time. As I am reaching for the phone to call my mom...I look at the top... IT'S NOT MY TEST RESULTS. They were the results of a 71 year old woman. Sheesh! I called my doc this morning and read her assistant the riot act. Sheesh.

The BEST week

I am gonna break my rule of past and post about the guy I am dating. Man...I hope I don't jinx it. Ha! His name is Todd. He's 34. Gorgeous....inside and out. AND he's got his shit together. Our first date was on the 4th of July...we went and watched fireworks. Our 2nd date was Saturday...a BBQ at Cherill and Scot's house (Cherill's b-day). Our 3rd date...was a movie, Dave & Busters, dinner then to my house to watch TV. He's amazing. We already have plans for 3 nights this week. Wednesday he is making me dinner at his house. Friday he is coming to watch me coach. Sunday we are going to the Poison & Cinderella concert. Todd is a total gentleman...opens doors and the whole sha-bang....and tells me how beautiful I am all of the time. It's nuts. Last night he was saying a bunch of amazing things to me...and I poke him and say, "Are you real?" We cracked up. We have only dated for SIX days. It has been the best week ever.

Tipping 101

I am a good tipper. I waited tables for years...and I will reward good service with a great tip. I also understand that sometimes what can be viewed as bad service...is not the server's fault. If I am at a restaurant or bar and I am not getting the service that I feel I should...I find a manager....and POW... great service. I may get a snot-shot in my food...but the service is good. HA!

I was at brunch with a big group of girls a few weeks back. Our food was great. I was drinking coffee...and cup was always hot and fresh. Refill after refill. When it came time to pay... the girls started saying... "Oh yea, don't give her more than 8% at the most." I piped up, "Um... why are you only tipping 8%?" A couple of the girls felt like she should have asked them if they wanted more drinks. I said, "Well she asked once...you all said NO... and she was at the table at least 3 times to fill my coffee...you could have asked her then." Then they kept giving more excuses which were LAME! I told them that I was embarrassed...and a few grunted at me. THESE ARE MY FRIENDS! Ewh! I was horrified. I grabbed the pile of cash and credit card receipts and added up what the tip was. I had paid with cash....and had left a 25% tip. With my tip the total tip was actually around 7%. I poured every OUNCE of money in my purse and left it on the table. I wished I had paid with a credit card so I could add more tip. I scanned the restaurant for a cash machine...none. YUCK! I snuck out of the restaurant.

Last week I went to dinner and drinks with Emily S. Our pizza came out on the wrong crust...we wanted thin... it came out regular. The waitress apologized and brought us a thin crust. She was a little slow with our drinks...but she was slammed. Em is an ex-waitress too. And we both scanned the restaurant and saw how busy she was...and she was the only one there. The waitress bought us a free round of drinks. Our total tab was $30...and we tipped her $12. It wasn't HER fault that the kitchen didn't make the pizza thin crust. And it wasn't HER fault that she was slammed.

Folks, when tipping or judging a server's service...consider a couple things. How many servers are on the floor? Is the place packed? Did he/she just get 4 tables all at once? AND...if the food gets messed up....more often than not...it is the kitchen's fault...not the server. Just something to think about.

Runaway Truck Ramp

I can't tell you how many times I have driven past that runaway truck ramp after the Eisenhower tunnel on I-70...the one that is at the bottom of the hill on the right-hand side. I will never drive past it again and not think of the phone call I got from Cherill last night.

I will start this post like Cherill started her phone call to me last night. "Everyone is ok...don't worry everyone is ok."

Cherill, her family and about 10 other families/couples were all heading to Grand Junction together yesterday to camp on a friend's property. Cherill's oldest son Bryson, her niece Dakota and Dakota's best friend Jordan were riding in the RV in front of Cherill and Scot's RV. Dakota and Jordan both play on the softball team that I coach. As they come through Eisenhower tunnel...the RV with the kids in it...starts to swerve...madly...Swerving. Cherill gets in touch with Steve and Jill in the RV on a cell phone...THEY HAVE LOST THEIR BRAKES. NO BRAKES. The RV is a $500,000 RV. (OK...Why anyone needs a $500,000 RV is beyond me.... but anyway.) It's 30 feet long...with a 35 foot trailer on the back that is full of motorcycles and ATVs. They are flying down I-70...flying! They are going at least 90 miles per hour...weaving in and out of cars.... with a 65 foot RV and trailer. They make it to the runaway truck ramp... hit the lip...fly about 30 feet in the air... land...then end up going all the way UP the runaway truck ramp...all the way up... and finally...stop...whoa. The runaway truck ramp in only about 30 feet wide...and it's a huge drop off on both sides. Most vehicles either jack-knife or roll off the ramp to one side or another. Their RV didn't...it stayed on the ramp.... and stopped at the top.

The accident blew out several of the windows and tires in the RV...threw everything inside it...everywhere...including the kids and the dogs. It was a mess. The amazing thing is no one...not even the dogs inside the RV were hurt. No one went to the hospital. The entire situation was described as a MIRACLE by everyone there.... all witnesses.

I caught myself thinking several times today...."boy... my day today could have been very bad and sad had things not gone like they did last night." I counted my lucky stars...over and over...and over. It's close calls like that...that make the little things that seem so trivial & upsetting...seem like a day at the beach. *Deep breaths*

Heart

I have 2 1/2 weeks left in coaching softball for this season. I am relieved...and actually a wee bit sad too. I will miss those girls. I have gotten really attached to several of the girls....they have real heart. At the beginning of the season, I kinda figured my favorite girls on the team would be the super stars. The ones who really shine. I do adore those girls...but the one that won my heart is Hannah. She is a very petite blonde girl whose twin sister (not identical) is also on the team. Hannah is not the fastest, most coordinated, skilled player on the team...but she wins the award for heart.

My dad split the girls up into small groups so that the girls will get more one-on-one time...and I fought to get Hannah in my group. I coach the left side of the field...so I have the 3rd basemen, Short Stop, Catcher, Short-Fielder and 3rd Fielder (there are more positions in little girls softball). Anyway. My dad wanted to put Hannah in the outfield...and I wanted her in the action. Not many balls go to the Outfield. I put her at 3rd base. She works so hard...she deserved a position with some action.

A few weeks ago during hitting practice, she looked up at me with sad eyes and said, "Coach Emily, I want to be strong enough to hit a home run." I explained to her that I was always the smallest girl on my softball team...which doesn't mean weak and I rarely hit home runs. My job on the team was to get on base so that the other girls who do hit home runs could score me. She thought about that for a minute and nodded yes...and started hitting again.

Cut to last weekend....the Jeffco County Tournament. We were the only 1st year team in the tournament. Our first game was against the other Alameda/Green Mountain team in our age group. They played together last year. It was a hard fought game...but they beat us. The girls really played well...but the better team won. It was a double elimination tournament...so we at least had one more game. The 2 best teams in the tournament had to play each other for the 1st game...just a bad draw for both teams. We have played one of those teams twice....The Diamond Divas... our only two losses before the tournament (remember the freaky coach...yea them). Anyway...the other team... The Power Girls... are a "loaded" team. Their organization puts all of the best players on one team...which is not fair. Oh well. This team has played together for 3 years...and hadn't lost a game. They not only hadn't ever lost....they would KICK the ASS of every team they played. Shocking to all of us...the Diamond Divas beat The Power Girls...and handed them their first loss in 3 years. (Oh and for the record.... my team is called The Eagles...not some stupid name like Divas or Power Girls...anyway). We had to play The Power Girls. They have this guy coach who is really loud. Not just kinda loud...really loud. And he shouts the whole game. I kept catching our girls starring at him with their mouths open. He's a freak too. Sheesh...let's not forget...these girls are 7 & 8. Anyway...the game started...and right away their coaches were bitching about every call. Scrutinizing every move our girls made with the umpire. My dad was so calm....and handled every situation. I beamed with pride that we were showing so much class. Our girls played SO hard. I was so proud of them. At the top of the last inning...we were only down by 2 runs. AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING! It was our last at-bat...so we needed to score at least 2 runs to stay in the game. We loaded the bases...and little Hannah strode up to the plate. She looked fierce and serious. I called her name...got her attention...and told her to smile. She grinned from ear to ear...and the first pitch she CRUSHED the ball to the outfield....Hannah hit a Grand Slam. We were now winning by 2 runs. Hannah was sooo excited. She was (well and the entire team and everyone in the stands) were jumping up and down. Hannah looked like a little fish jumping out of the water....wiggling and wiggling. Then she walks out of the dugout and shouts down to me, "Coach Emily, I DID IT...I hit a home run!" I said back to her, "Well, even better Hannah, you hit a Grand Slam!" She smiled from ear to ear. I had to turn away and act like I had something in my eye...to hide the tears streaming down my face...because...there's no crying in softball. Ha. The coach from The Power Girls kicked a water cooler. We ended up losing. The Power Girls got up and scored 3 runs to beat us. In my book...we won.

The wedding

My sister's wedding was Friday night. I am exhausted. It's been a long several weeks...and even longer past 4 days... an exhausting...yet glorious... past 4 days.

WEDNESDAY: I have changed my work schedule and I now get to work between 7:30 am - 8 am....then often work an average of a 12 hour day. I had Thursday and Friday off this week...so my days were averaging at 14 1/2 hours. Blech. This won't go on for ever...it's just one of those times in my career. Anyway. On Wednesday evening...I was supposed to go out to dinner with my sister as our version of her bachlerotte party. Nat didn't want a drunk-fest and plastic penises...and I was super relieved. Whew. I had left her a message earlier in the day...and didn't hear from her until nearly 8 pm. I was still at work...so I was secretly happy that she didn't have time to go to dinner that night. Anyway...she told me the events of her day...and the night before. Danny (her husband) had walked outside of their house with their pet parrot. (No, I have no f-ing idea why she has a parrot...and one that is so rare that it is worth like $2,000...whatever) Anyway. Danny walked outside with their parrot and the bastard flew away. Natalie and Danny were up the entire night searching and calling for this parrot. They found the bird in some tree...called the fire department. They brought out a lift basket...and they lifted Natalie up into the tree to retrieve the bird. Damn....such a perfect Natalie story. (Hell....what am I talking about...something like that would happen to ME too...haha!) So the lost bird pushed their schedule back. They showed up at the Court House that afternoon to get their marriage license....at 4:25 pm...knowing it closed at 4:30. When they had to run out to their car to get CASH to pay for the license....the lady locked the door behind them....fear not...they got the license the next day.

THURSDAY: Natalie and I had appointments for full spa manicures and pedicures at Danny's God-Mother's salon. Sweet. Danny's mom works there...so his mom was doing my services and his God-mom was doing Natalie's. It was such a great time. I brought champagne. I got to chat with Danny's mom for hours. She is an amazing woman. She has been married 4 times...and her stories where both sad and funny. She was very open about her life...we had an instant connection. She told me some amazing things about Danny....which made me start to love my soon-to- be brother in law. She said that Danny swears that he will only marry once...after watching her go thru so many problems. She went on and on about how much Danny loves Natalie. Made my heart swell with happiness. After the spa...I rushed home to get ready for the rehearsal and then the dinner.

The rehearsal was interesting. I expected Natalie and the Pastor to take over and tell everyone what they wanted. They didn't do that. We were all just standing around. Finally I asked the Pastor to please start the rehearsal...and he acted like he had NO idea what he was doing. I asked Natalie if I could take over...she said yes. I walked everyone through everything step by step. The cutest part was explaining to my dad how he walks Natalie down the aisle. Natalie had never asked Dad or told him that he would be giving her away....and he was SOOO happy that he got to do so. Anyway. I showed him that they walk down the aisle...and stop about 5 feet in front of the alter. Then the Pastor would say, "who presents this woman in Holy matrimony?" And then my Dad would say, "Her mother and I do." Then I explained that he would kiss Natalie, shake Danny's hand, then hand Natalie's hand to Danny, and then sit down. My dad was so nervous....we rehearsed that part 5 times. No kidding. Ha! Cute.

FRIDAY - WEDDING DAY: Natalie had made our hair appointments pretty early in the morning for a 5 pm wedding. Mine was at 10:30 am...hers at 11:30 am....at Danny's God-mom's salon. Danny's mom was paying for all of our services (nails and hair) as part of her wedding gift to Natalie and Danny...so I agreed to do an up-do. Plus I would get to be there with Natalie as she got her hair done for her wedding. So....I get to the salon to find out that the gal who was supposed to do my hair was at the hospital with her sick mom. This other guy said he would be doing my hair before Natalie's. I sat in his chair and explained what I was looking for with my up-do. I said that I liked a little volume on top...no beehives...just not pulled tight to my scalp. I would like my hair pinned up close to the top of my head...so that you can see my hair from the front...that I don't like it in the middle or bottom of the back of my head. I thought he understood. He starts by drenching my hair with this schlack-like hairspray and scrunching it. I looked like Beetlejuice. Then puts several curls all over. Then turns my chair so I can't see the mirror. Then proceeds to rat out my entire head then starts pinning my hair back. Eight minutes later....he swings my chair around and takes off my smock. My hair. The horror. My bangs were slicked to my forehead and pulled to one side like a comb-over. The top of my hair was about 5 inches tall...all ratty...and going up and straight back. The back of my hair was a fairly tight bun of sloppy curls near the middle to back of my head...that was off center....more to the left...than the center. The sides of my hair were hairsprayed so much...and had visible comb tracks....and it wasn't tight to my head... it kinda poofed out. I was speechless. It was the worst hair-do ever....ever....like if I let my friend's 5 year old daughter play barber shop on my head. I cringed. He turned the chair and told Natalie to sit down. I excused myself to the bathroom to get a better look. I started to shake...but got it back together enough to go out and watch Natalie's up-do. Nat's hair is long...down to her butt long. He hot rolled her whole head and sent her to the dryers. I sat by her and told her that I HATE my hair. She said, "have him re-do it...it doesn't look very good." He spent the next 30 minutes doing another girl's hair...then started back up on Nat's. The time was 12:20 pm. I had to go to the grocery store for water and wedding day necessities, get ready, AND be at Hudson Garden's (a 20 minute drive) by 2:30 pm for pictures and what-not. Time was a ticking away. He wasn't close to being done with Natalie's hair...and I decided that I needed to leave. I got in my car and called Cherill. I burst into tears. I was telling her about my hair...and she kept saying...go home and wash your hair. I kept telling her (in my squeaking voice that only dogs and dolphins should be able to understand) that I didn't want to hurt Natalie's in-law's feelings...and the hair destroyer...er dresser would be at the wedding. She said over and over that I have to see those pictures for the rest of my life...and that I HAD to fix it. OK. Deep breaths. I call my mom to get her opinion. I am bawling. My mom... a very sweet and proper woman who rarely cusses says, "Emily, I don't give a SHIT if they get their feelings hurt. I don't give a SHIT. And Natalie won't care. You go home and wash your hair and do it right....you hear me?" I squeaked out an ok...and then rushed home to wash my hair. I had to wash it 3 times to get all of the hair spray out. I re-did my hair...and it looked fan-freaking-tastic. I took some selfportraits of the hair debacle...I will share those later. I was about 20 minutes late to Hudson Gardens...but it wasn't a big deal. I walked into the room and Danny said, "You changed your hair." I said, "Yes, I put my sassy dress on...and it needed my hair to be down." His mom winked at me and said, "I am glad you fixed your hair, you look beautiful." Whew. The ceremony was gorgeous. It was amazing. I hope that my husband looks at me the way that Danny was looking at Natalie. Pure love was pouring out if his eyes.

The reception looked more fantastic than I could have imagined. My mom and I picked out every detail...and it came together so wonderfully. When it came time for the speeches...my Dad went first. He and my mom had written a poem about their wishes for their lives together. My dad is an eloquent public speaker...and he had Natalie bawling. Natalie was crying so hard that she was gripping my leg and buried her head in Danny's shoulder. AND...since no one cries alone in my presence....I cried too. I should have known better than to let my dad speak before my speech. I didn't get to say everything I wanted to during my speech...and had to drop the mic to my side to take deep breaths...but I did say basically what I wanted to. Nearly everyone was tearing up. Awwwh. Several people told me that I gave a great speech. That might have just been to cover up my crying...who cares. Danny said he wanted to make a speech too...he took the mic from me and didn't look at anyone but Natalie and spoke from the heart for about 5 minutes about how much he loves her...and what an amazing woman she is. It was so wonderful. What a great night. The reception was over at 9 pm....and we then had to completely clean the party room. I got home about 11 pm....really wound up from the wedding. I couldn't get to sleep. I NEEDED to get to sleep.... because I had to be up at 5:30 am to be at our girls softball tournament by 7 am. It was a long day at the softball tournament...but worth it. I will post about that later. Too tired now. All in all the wedding was so wonderful. I am so happy for Natalie and Danny. So happy! Cheers!

I've got a cat for sale....really cheap!

This morning I was sitting at my kitchen table drinking coffee paying bills online...and my cat Sasha comes tearing around the corner and leaps to jump on my lap. Well... she missed my lap and then dug her claws into my leg to catch herself from falling. She sliced my left leg up really bad. I have one long cut and several puncture wounds. Sweet. I grabbed her and tossed her to the ground and then shouted FUCK about 10 times. My leg started bleeding so I showed Sasha her handy work. She looked horrified. And has spent the last several hours trying to love on me. Damn cat. Now she is pouting in the corner. Ladies & Gentlemen...I've got one black cat for sale...I will sell her really cheap....hell...I might PAY you to take her.

The pool at my building has been taken over by pool hoppers. The best kind of pool hoppers....white trash with 15 kids. There aren't any kids that live in my building, so they really stand out. Plus they stand out because they don't look like they could afford a place in my building. Don't get me wrong...I am not rich...and I don't live in the Ritz... just these people have 4 teeth and scream "I don't belong here." I had my suit on to go down....no thank you.

Tonight is Selena and Jason's going away party at Christine and Jaime's house. It's not a huge get-together...just the core group of about 25. I finished the video of pictures put to music yesterday. It's 7:47...which is really long considering that each picture is only on the screen 3 seconds. I have about 130 pictures. I couldn't figure out how to burn the video from Premier in a DVD file...so I saved it as a VCD...and have to fiddle with my DVD player setting to get it to run...but it does....so victory. I will play the video at the party tonight. I hope they like it. Maybe I could do these videos as a 2nd job on the side. My wedding gift to my sister is a video of her wedding.

Speaking of the wedding, my sister's wedding is less than a week away. Most everything is done. I did the entire itinerary last night... planning out every minute and every song of the ceremony and the reception. Natalie reviewed the itentery...and was really happy. I got my dress...and it is sassy. I love it. Still need to find shoes...I will probably do that tomorrow. No one has heard where the rehearsal dinner is yet...but oh well....ya know? It's not my wedding. It will go off wonderfully...and everyone will be happy.

The little 8 year old girls softball team that my dad and I have been coaching is really doing well. Our record is 4-2. Our 2 losses are to a team that has played together for 3 years. Remember the coach that freaked out on me? Ya...that team. In fact, when we played them last week...that same coach was talking shit to me the entire game. I ignored him. What a tool. Anyway. They have 2 girls on their team that look like they are 14. It's nuts...8 year olds with boobs. But our team is doing great. Not bad for a 1st year team. Just a few weeks ago we were showing the girls which hand their glove goes on...and explaining what a ball and strike was. It's been fun. I really enjoy the girls...and especially all of the quality time with my parents.

Work has been...well...challenging...recently to say the least. We had a shift in the top management and the change scared the shit out of me. I would rather dance with the devil I know...than the devil I don't. However, for the first time in a long time I feel empowered at work. I was always involved with everything...but was the "yes man" and just did what I was told to do...for the most part. With the new management, I have been given a ton more responsibility...and it's fantastic. I am doing all of the marketing...and making the creative decisions...it's wonderful. Once the dust settles you can bet that I will be asking for a raise. Ha.

'Tis the season

I had another shower to attend today....this time a baby shower for Kristen. 'Tis the season for showers.

She and her husband live in Chicago now, so except for a few pictures she emailed me...I hadn't seen her pregnant. She is due in mid-August and looks great. She's walking on sunshine. They're having a boy.

I met Kristen when she was 20 years old. I hired her as an intern at my first radio gig. I have hired her for about 4 times for other jobs too. Man, it was wonderful to see her. We have always been friends, even though I was her boss for quite a while.

The shower was thrown by one of her college friends and was very well organized. I love that. The hostess is artsy and crafty...so there were many gorgeous hand-made decorations. Very cute. We played 3 games (I really don't like shower games). The first game I had a distinct disadvantage at playing. It was the one where you have to identify different flavors of baby food. You would smell it...and if you were crazy...taste it. I did NOT do well at this game. And for the record, did not taste the baby food. I was the only gal there who wasn't married. And, except for the girl who got married a month ago...the only one without kids. Well except Kristen...hers is on the way...anyway. These chicks were not only idenfiying the baby food as what fruit or whatever...they were writing down the exact commercial name. "Pear Banana Delight" "Turkey Dinner with Peas" "Strawberry Dessert" Wha? I lost that game. Ha. Several of the girls got every one right. Sheesh. The 2nd game was match the name with it's description. For example, my name means "Industrious". I won that game. I got all of them right. The 3rd game was kinda sick. They passed around baby diapers with a different melted chocolate bar in it. Ewh. I can only imagine what her neighbors thought watching each gal grab the diaper and put it up to their face and smell what was inside. I won that game too...got all of them right (again). I told the hostess to give my prize to another girl...it's only fair. Ha. Ironically, I don't like chocolate...but apparently can "name that chocolate bar".

After about 4 hours of "ooohhh how cute" I excused myself to go home and take a nap.

Oh no you didn't David!

Last night I was watching Leno. I usually watch Letterman...but Leno had David Lee Roth as a musical guest. My morbid curiosity got the best of me...I had to see it. After David's crash and burn as a Syndicated Morning Dee Jay...I had to watch.

Oh...and his performance didn't disappoint.

The first shot of the stage you see has about 15 musicians with cellos, steel guitars, banjos, harps and flutes. I am thinking...damn...where the hell is Eddie Van Halen? The music starts up...it's an Irish Jig version of the Van Halen hit "Jump". Wha? Then David Lee Roth saunters on the stage. His hair is short and parted on the side. He has on an un-tucked button up surf-style shirt and jeans. He looks visibly nervous. His smile looks like a serial killer. He starts saying/singing "Might as well...oh...might as well...JUMP." Over and over. You can hear the sound of crickets in the audience. He starts pacing around the stage trying to get them to start clapping along by snapping his fingers really fast. His smile looks painted on...like the Joker (from Batman). "Oh oh oh...Might as well...oh...might as well...JUMP....JUUUMP!"

It was quite sad. I tried to find some footage...but it's late and I want to go home from work. Still cracking up. Whoa. No you didn't David.

Deep thought

I got the following in a forwarded email (ewh). I have seen this one before...but felt like posting it.

Today's Deep Thought:
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.

Would I do that?

I saw on the news last night that the OB/GYN floor in hospitals across our nation and around the world were jammed yesterday with many many many expectant mothers who got induced yesterday to avoid giving birth today on 6/6/06.

Would I do that?

Would you?

A fresh new start

The end of the weekend usually means "blah" for me. But after my wonderful weekend...I am looking forward to a fresh new start of a week. This weekend was what I needed to recharge...even though I worked for 5 hours on Saturday.

Friday: My girl's softball team had a game. We won 20 - 10. The girls played so well. I was beaming with pride. After the game my parents and I went to dinner...then I went home and laid on the couch and watched Brokeback Mountain. I hadn't seen it yet. After watching it I wondered if I would have made the same faces of shock with others there.

Saturday: Like I said, I worked for 5 hours. I needed to drive around and look at potential billboards for an advertising campaign. Took a nap in the A/C. Then, my bro came over for dinner and to watch Harry Potter - The Goblet of Fire (4th movie). I haven't read any of the books or seen any of the other movies. My bro knows everything about Harry Potter...so he was playing the part of the narrator.

Sunday: I went to the pool for what I fear was about 30 minutes too long. I got a sunburn. I hope it doesn't peel in time for the wedding. I went to the grocery store. Watched Match Point...interesting movie. Took a nap. Made dinner. Paid bills. Balanced my checkbook. Cleaned my house. Bought Kristen's baby shower gift online and had it shipped to her house in Chicago.

I got everything done that I wanted to this weekend including napping and some pool time. I feel like a million bucks. Ready for another day...which is more than I could have said anyday in the last 2 weeks. Va Va Voom!

Mistaken Identity

I feel so bad for the families involved in the mistaken identity case of the 2 girls in Michigan who got in a car accident. One girl died and another girl was horribly disfigured on her face but was alive in intensive care. Both the doctor and the coroner made mistakes in identifying the girls. One family had a funeral for a girl they thought was their daughter. It wasn't their daughter. And another family prayed over another girl they thought was their daughter who in a coma. And it wasn't their daughter. So sad. So very very sad. I just have to wonder how the parents of the girl in the coma didn't figure out the girl in the hospital bed wasn't their daughter sooner. I know the girls had an eerie resemblance, but what about old scars, birthmarks, her hands, her ears (pierced? earrings?), her feet? I know what my family's hands and feet look like...hell...they look like mine. I have to believe that if someone I love was laying in a bed and their face was bandaged up...that I would know in my heart it was or wasn't my loved one. I feel so bad for them.

Overheard

I just overheard two girls talking about the Pitt-Jolie baby. Here's what was said.

"If Jennifer Aniston is upset about the whole Brad/Angie baby thing, she can take comfort in the fact that the kid is gonna get teased on the playground. I can just see kids skipping around poor little Shiloh singing, "Shiloh Pitt is a Piloh Shitt!"

Man...that is good stuff.

Not one thing... done... well

Last night at about 11 pm I was still at the office and seconds away from a nervous breakdown. Exhausted. Frustrated. Hungry. Cranky. Overwhelmed. The tears started streaming down my face and I was shaking. I got up from my desk, grabbed my purse and went home right that second.

Coaching softball is taking a toll on me. The time commitment for coaching is enormous. On an average week, I have to leave work by 4:45 on practice days and 3 pm on game days. We have practice twice a week and 1 or 2 games a week. Monday-Friday. Once I get to softball and see my dad and the girls...I love it...and it's worth it. But damn.

Work is always nuts for me. I work hard. Let me put it this way, at my last radio gig, I had 4 full-time people in my department that got the same job done that I do here...alone. Two weeks ago I was asked to put together a HUGE project for the station that was due in 2 days. I did it. Their plan changed. Re-do HUGE said project again in 2 days. I did it. The plan changed again. Re-do HUGE project a 3rd time. OK...you get the point. This went on and on. I got another change in the program that is due at 7:30 am tomorrow. I will be here all night.

I got so upset last night because I realized that I am not doing one thing in my life...well. The perfectionist in me got a bad realization. I may not be perfect. I am not Super Woman. I am not doing one thing well. I am often late to softball because of work (bad coach), my cat feels like an orphan (bad mom), my work is tough(bad employee), I don't have time to see my friends (bad friend), I have had to say no to a couple dates (bad dater), I haven't had time to blog (bad blogger), I have a pile of emails and tons of personal voicemails to reply to that are over a week old (bad email/phone friend), I have dishes piling up in my sink (sick)...there's more but I will spare you.

To add insult to injury, I called my mom last night and burst into tears. This morning she sent me a wonderful "you are the best and brightest kid in the world" email. I replied to her and thanked for being a fabulous and supportive mama and explained WHY I burst into tears. I said that work is tough and softball is making it tough to catch up. My dad read the email (they have a joint account) and sent me an email that said:

Emily:
I can finish the remainder of the season with Katrina and Becky. They are ready to assume more responsibility. I have really enjoyed coaching with you. Thank you for all of your help.
Love,
Dad

My heart broke. Damn. I called my dad and explained that I am not a quitter, I made a commitment to him and the girls and I plan to see this through.

Times are tough. But I am tougher.

The "Fret Heart Attack"

On Thursday night at softball practice there was a rain and thunder storm off to the south-east part of town. The sun was shining and it was hot where we were. But the sky on the other part of town was really dark and we could see some lightening. A couple of the little girls started getting distracted by the storm. They were standing there (not paying attention to practice) waiting for another lightening strike...then they would start counting. One-one-hundred. Two-one-hundred. Three-one-hundred....and so on. Then they would chatter about how far the storm is away from us. One of the parents came up to me while I was trying to get the girls to focus on practice and said, "The girls are learning about weather this week in school." Ah! Ok! Emily, one of the girls, came up to me with tears streaming down her face. In a squeaky voice she said, "Ummm... Coach Emily...I won't touch a bat...lightening! LIGHTENING! I get upset...and my heart races...and I get fret heart attacks...I can't breathe... I get FRET heart attacks...they are not as bad as a real heart attack...but I get them...and they are baaaaaaad." (Insert sobbing and a quivering chin here) I look at her with my eyes as big as saucers and say, "What? Emily? What is wrong?" She starts in again on the same speech...and I interrupt her and tell her to go talk to her mom (who was over with another group of girls pitching to them.) Whoa... a freaking "fret heart attack?" Who is feeding these phrases to these kids? I had to laugh. I went over to my dad and explained that the girls are freaking over the weather...and suggested that we call practice. We did. We picked up all of the equipment and called it a day. The storm never hit our part of town...it got close...but it was the right thing to do. I still crack up at "fret heart attack."

Coaching has been fun for the most part. I would describe coaching 8-year old girls as "herding mice." I got that phrase from another coach. Trying to get them all to follow instructions and pay attention is challenging to say the least. One great thing that has come of my coaching is that I have lost 15 lbs. I am thinner right now than I have been in like 10 years. Gotta love that.

Juror #1881

About a month ago I got a summons for Jury Duty for today. Crap. I know...I know...it's my Civil duty to participate in our judicial system...blah blah blah. But I was not looking forward to going. I know I would be a great juror...but my work doesn't get done if I don't do it...so I didn't wanna go.

I showed up promptly at 8:30 am and walked to the back of the room to sit down. They waited until after 9 am to start talking to us. We watch a short video on what to expect. Then the Jury Commissioner starts explaining what will happen next....then says that there will now be a 15 minute break...then she pauses. I stand up thinking it was break time. She scolds me to sit down until she is done talking. The really hot guy who is sitting next to me whispers "Busted!" We laugh. After the break we all assemble in the room again and they start calling juror numbers. MY # was the 2nd number called. Damn! I look over at the hot guy and whisper "I knew it." He laughs, "you got called already?" "Yup!" I reply. As I was leaning down to grab my purse the Jury Commissioner starts yelling (much like the teacher in Ferris Bueller) "1881, 1881, 1881" I stand up and wave. She snaps, "Say HERE when I call your number." Hot guy says, "Busted!" We both cracked up.

It's now about 9:30 am. All 24 of us go in the hallway to find out that we have to wait until 11 am for our jury selection for the criminal trial that is projected to go several days. Crap!!!

As I am walking out of the City and County Building I see this nasty woman who is handcuffed and being escorted by 3 cops. She is yelling and thrashing about. She is yelling "I am gonna kill you, you fucking bitch, I am gonna slit your fucking throat." Sweet. Another satisfied customer.

At about 11:30 am...after the break (and a 30 minute delay) we were all ushered into the court room. The judge talked about what would happen next. She then called 12 random names....but not mine. Weeee! I am sitting next to this girl who reeks of vomit and stomach bile. She is white as a ghost and keeps waving her hand in front of her face like a person playing a tambourine. I can hear her dry heave. I look at her and say, "Are you ok?" Now keep in mind they have packed us like sardines into these pew-like seats. She tells me that she is gonna get sick. I point to the door for her to leave. She doesn't, so I get up and move. I am sure as hell not going to get puked on by some stranger OR catch whatever crap she's got. She glared at me. Whatever. I so don't care.

It's now about 12:30 pm. Each of the 12 people on the panel have been asked some serious personal questions like "have you ever been a defendant, plaintiff or witness in a trial?" If you said yes you had to tell everyone what you did or what someone you know did or what happened to you....or you could ask to approach the bench and tell the judge and both attorneys in private...but then everyone else knew you did something bad or embarrassing.

The case before the court was an harassment case. He was charged with "improper touching". Yikes. LOL! I started thinking of things I could say to get me excused from the case. "Ahem, the defendant looks like Merv the Perv." "I want to see him get the death penalty." "I believe in an eye for an eye and his hand should be cut off." My mind was racing when I heard the judge say to the panel, "Do any of you have any Law Enforcement in your family or a close friend in Law Enforcement?" SWEEEET! I am soooo outta here. "Ahem yes, my dad, my brother, my cousin, my aunt, my uncle...I could really go on and on. And for the record, cops are always right and criminals should be shot via firing line." LOL! I never got called up to the panel and got to go to work by 1:45 pm....but whew!

One final comment. I did have to laugh at how all 12 of those people kept saying that they ALL are unbiased towards EVERYONE. That they ALL are NOT racists. That they ALL can see the GOOD in people. C'mon people, you may claim to be not biased, racist and good-hearted...but I am calling you a liar.

Bridal Shower

My sister's Bridal Shower was yesterday at my Aunt Judy's house. It was great to meet Danny's Sisters, Mom and God-Mother. All of them are lovely people...and they seem to really love my sister....that made me smile.

My cousin Corey was in charge of the Shower Games. I HATE LOATHE DESPISE Shower games....and yesterday was no exception. Ha! Corey brought this game of sexual innuendos…that were DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY. This game was more for a bachelorette party...not a Bridal Shower. It was a match game…where there was a dirty phrase…that you had to match the phrase to the profession. “Asks you to spit not swallow” – Dentist. “Gives good blow jobs” – Hairdresser. “Penalty for early withdrawal” – Investment Banker. “Explores Uranus” – Astrologer. Whoa. Of all of the people in the room including both of my Grandmas....my Aunt Judy was the one who was visibly uncomfortable by the content of the game. That shocked me. My mom (who is more of a prude than my Aunt) was shouting out the phrases and slapping her knee cracking up. You can probably guess who won that game… ME. LOL!

Hollywood Gossip

My friend has a good friend who is an agent in Hollywood. He always has the best, and so far, very accurate Hollywood gossip. He told us that Britney was pregnant again back in early March...and yup... sadly...she is.

Here is his latest installment of dirty Hollywood gossip cut and pasted from an email from my friend.

First, Nicole Richie had her stomach stapled-that's why she is so freakin small. She did it right after the first season of the Simple Life. (so all this buzz about her admitting she "thinks she is too skinny" is sooo not true!! She obviously wants to be that skinny (we all knew that).

Second, Copper has seen the contract between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes that basically states she is getting paid to be with him, every year she stays with him she gets more and having a baby = $5 million in her pocket! I guess her parents are freaking out and cannot believe their daughter would go through this all for money. None of the gossip mags/tv shows can report on it because Tom is known as the most powerful actor in hollywood and he could basically put them out of business if they showed the contract.

Third, Lindsay Lohan is a druggie slut that goes around trying to hook up with anything and everything. She approached one of Copper's guy friends and asked him if him and his buddy would join her in her roomfor a threesome. I guess she is known for that!!

Fourth, the biggest bitches in hollywood?? Jessica and Ashlee Simpson!! (I was totally surprised by that!) She said they go around places acting like they own the place and are so rude. Cacee Jess's assistant quit because her and Nick have a little thing.

Fifth, this is huge--Jessica divorced Nick because she thought her fling with Adam Levigne was for real and she was in love with him. I guess when Adam found out she was divorcing Nick for him, it freaked him out and he hasn't called her since. (that's sad!)

Sixth, Copper's really good friends with Ryan Seacrest who says he is really nice, cool and fun and that he told her Terri Hatcher is absolutely crazy! He siad after they hooked up once she stalked him nonstop and went crazy on him!!

Last, she said the reason Nicole and Paris arent friends really is because Nicole did show that one night in Paris video at a party at her house. Paris thought Nicole was trying to embarrass her and they havent talked since.

We won!

Our team won their first game on Friday night. I know that winning the game is not the point....it's more about teaching these little girls about working as a team and having fun....but winning is more fun...for me. It's the competive nature in me.

We played a team that was actually a "first-year" team. The other team's coach said that coaching these girls was like trying to "herd mice". He's right.

Regardless our girls did great. Chanel turned a double-play. Whoa! At the end of the game, I had no idea what the score was...and as I was walking into the dug-out I hear this shrill scream by the girls...they just got word that they had won. It was sweet.

My girl's first game.

The little girls softball team that I coach softball for had their first game last night. We lost our game....19-13. That team had played together last year...and I was shocked at how big a couple of those 8 year old girls were. Big. And well...fat. Sad really. My girls played well for a first game...ever... in their lives. They all looked like deer in the headlights...and forgot some basic skills that we practiced every time at practice....like how to run thru 1st base...and not just run up to it and stop. It will just take more reps and practice. The girls all had fun...and that is what is important. In fact, we didn't even tell them the final score or talk about winning and losing. Anyway. This guy coach on the other team freaked out on me. I am the 1st base coach...and one of the girls was running back to 1st and ran into me....the other team over threw 1st...so I touched her and pushed her (softly) to run to 2nd. He freaked. I am not supposed to touch my players while I am coaching (ewh...that sounded dirty...but it's the only way to explain it). Anyway...he flipped and was ranting and raving for the rest of the inning which was at least 10 minutes. Several of the our parents include Cherill came over to me and said..."can you hear him?" Ahem...yes I can. So then...after the inning he was walking behind homeplate to come coach 1st for his team...and stopped and ranted some more to the homeplate ump.... THEN as he was walking towards me he shouted and waved his finger at me "YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR PLAYERS" I ignored him. THEN he starts going off on the 1st base ump...turning around and pointing at me. Sheesh. So I say to him, "You NEED to get over this. Get over it! You're acting like I slapped YOUR player. GEEZ!" He turns around and starts in on me AGAIN...and I laugh at him and say, "Turn around...and pay attention to your own team." And he did. My dad glared at me. At dinner I apologized for letting that coach get to me and acting almost as bad as he was by responding. My dad said, "Stop it.... don't say sorry...if he had been talking to ME like that...I would have asked him to meet me in the parking lot after the game." Joking that he would have kicked his ass in the parking lot. Anyway. What a jerk. But I shouldn't have let him see that he made me mad. Oh well...lesson learned....at least my girls didn't hear me yell. And I will start coaching 1st with my hands in my pockets so I don't touch the girls. Hahah!

The Da Vinci Code

Of all of the protests and controversy surrounding the opening of Ron Howard's latest movie The Da Vinci Code...one of the groups protesting this movie caught my eye. I saw on TV that a group of Albinos are upset that the main villain in the movie is an Albino. They claim that there has never been a Hollywood movie that has portrayed an Albino in a positive light or given an Albino the romantic lead in a movie. They claim that everytime an Albino is in a Hollywood movie they are scary and a villain. WHA? I DO feel sorry for their genetic disorder...don't get me wrong....but I don't know what Albinos expect. Their lack of pigmentation & red-colored eyes...doesn't really make me want to see them make-out with Julia Roberts on the big screen.

Now...another point I would like to make is that Ron Howard didn't ADD this character to his interpretation of The Da Vinci Code book. The Albino villain character was in the book. So how about protesting the BOOK? Not the movie. Just a thought.

Running With Scissors

A few days after I moved into my new condo, I saw a sign for an upcoming "HOME OWNERS meeting" in the buildings basement. I was thrilled with myself for my new title of home owner and I was equally as excited to attend a meeting with other home owners in my building.

When I got there...I was horrified by the high level of ignorance in the room. A building's Board of Directors are essentially the "brains" behind the "business" (the building). They handle everything from hiring the janitorial staff to the building's operational budget. It's a big deal. And I don't think I would have let anyone on the Board at that time feed my fish. Ignorance galore. During the first meeting, I sat there quietly and took everything in. At the end of the meeting, they asked if anyone wanted to join the Board for 2002. My hand shot up. BOOM! I was on the Board. It was that simple. No vote. No, who are you and what do you bring to the table? Nope. I was a warm body...and that was good enough for them. In the coming months I realized that this group was nuts and completely running with scissors. Reckless. Yikes. I slowly but surely started bringing up different solutions....and I could feel myself peeling the scissors from their sweaty palms.

Several weeks ago, a similar sign to the first one I saw after I moved in went up in my building about an upcoming Home Owners and Board meeting. Everytime I walked past the reminder sign, my stomach hurt. My time is precious. I don't want to dread something that I have volunteered to attend. I have been on the Board for 4 years. I know that I made a huge difference in my building. And yesterday I resigned my post on the Board. It was time.

Final Update

I have decided that after this post...I won't talk about the men in my life on my blog anymore. So friends...if you want to know about my love life...ask me.

Here is the final update.

Jim. I met him in March. He told me that he was licking some pretty serious wounds from a recent relationship and wanted to take things slow. We have done just that. We have hung out a couple times, we chat on the phone and email nearly every day. He asked me to go out this past Saturday but since I had been at the Crawfish boil that day...I said I would prefer option #2 and I would come over to his house on Sunday for a bbq to watch the Avs game. Later on Saturday night he asked me to come pick him up and stay the night at his house. I decided I would. We talked about "us" and it felt like we had made the next step together. Yesterday he told me that the girl that he is hung up on came over to his house...and he is confused again and wants to be "just friends" again for now....continue to get to know each other... but he needs more time. Whatever.

Danny. He's the guy that I talked on the phone with 4 hours and 15 minutes the first time we chatted. We went on a date. The date was better than I could have hoped for. He was charming and funny and I didn't check my watch 25 times. At the end of the date he said that he would call me on Sunday. He called Sunday. He said that he was leaving that Tuesday for a week in Vegas. He was gonna play in a 4-day golf tournament with his Dad. He said he would call me when he got back in town. Great! He got back in town a week and 4 days ago. I hadn't heard a peep from him until....4:34 am on Sunday morning. He sent me a text message that said "R U awake?" Uhm...no Danny...I am sleeping.... in Jim's bed. Again whatever. I sent Danny an email asking him about the text...and haven't heard back.

So ttttttthhhhhhhat's it folks...my final update.

Suck the head

....keep your mind out of the gutter folks....

This past Saturday I went to a Crawfish Boil hosted by Skye and Ed. I was a rookie...a first-timer. I got a tutorial from Becca on how to peel and eat the crawfish. We huddled up at the big table covered with a pile of crawfish, random veggies, french bread and sour cream. She showed me how to squeeze the head and crack it, pull the tail off and peel the rest of the shell off. The little bite of crawfish was delicious....tastes like lobster...but a lot of work for a wee bite of food. Still...very fun. The real veterans do something that I don't think I will EVER do. Instead of just trashing the head of the crawfish...they suck the gook out of the head. I watched John do this several times...and then said...."what's in there?" John said, "Brains and stuff." Ewh.

A Year Ago Today....

A year ago today...at this very moment...I was in the middle of Day-3 of my 5-Day trip to Mexico for a wedding. Ahhhh.... I was in full relaxation mode at this point of the trip.

All week I kept telling everyone that I was curious to see all of the fabulous celebrations for Cinco de Mayo while in Mexico for the holiday. I was sure there would be parades, pinatas, costumes and tons of live music. NOPE. It was just another (fabulous) day on the resort...but no hoopla. I had to laugh that back in the States...there were TONS of Cinco de Mayo celebrations all over the nation...but not a whisper of it in MEXICO. Irony. Ha!

That vacation was such a great time. I was in paradise with some of the best people in my life. Good times. Happy 1st Anniversary Christine and Jaime.

College Reunion

This past weekend I went back to my college town for a reunion. Every year, the last weekend in April, my college has a huge HUGE event on campus....and tons of past graduates come into town. It's basically a drunk-fest every year....with activities sprinkled in. I showed up on Thursday afternoon...and it started raining about 45 minutes later. It didn't stop raining the entire time I was there. All of the fun BBQs, parties, sporting events and activities.... were either canceled or it was too crappy to go sit in the rain. Boo. I was really disappointed. I did get to hang out with my college roomie Maria, her husband Brian and Steph....but even that wasn't the same. We didn't get to TALK....really talk. Everytime we went out it was super crowded...and wet. So we spent most of our time shouting over the music and playing the part of the human-pin-balls bouncing around the crowded room. In the past my favorite part of these reunions has been sitting on a patio having cocktails and talking to my dear friends....and running into old friends. With the damn rain....no patio time....no talking....no running into old friends.

Here is one odd/funny story from the weekend. On Friday night we were at this leaky tent party. It's standing room only and I have already had 3 cheap beers spilled on me...but I was in a great mood and feeling no pain. These 2 girls walk up to me. The conversation went like this.

Girl #1: "Did you go to Drake?"

Me: "Yes, did you?"

(Girl #1 shoots a look at Girl #2)

Girl #1: "What year did you graduate?" (Notice that she didn't answer my question)

Me: "1994. Did YOU two go to Drake?"

(Girl #1 shoots a look at Girl #2)

Girl #1 says to Girl #2: "This has GOT to be her."

Girl #1 says to me: "What is your name?"

Me: "Emily. Yours?"

(Girl #1 shoots a look at Girl #2)

Girl #1 says to me: "JoAnna."

Me: "Do I know you? You seem to know me."

Girl #1 rolls her eyes at me and they both walk away. I shrug and go back to my group. Maria asked me what she wanted. I give them the play-by-play of the conversation above. Maria looks at me with big eyes and says, "You don't remember her, do you?"

Me: "Uh, no. Do you?"

Maria: "Yes, she was the girl who was in love with Josh (my college sweetheart) and tried to punch you one night at the bar."

Me: "Oh yea. That was her huh? I sure seem to have left a lasting impression on her....what a loser...that was 13 years ago." We laugh and change the subject.

The rest of the story is this... my boyfriend Josh had told me about that girl. That she used to do his laundry and seemed to show up everywhere he was. I told him that if he had some girl who would do his laundry for free...then he was a lucky guy. Not jealous at all. One night my friends and I met up with Josh and his friends at a bar. Josh was talking to that girl. I walk over and say hi. He turns and gives me a kiss and is turning back to the girl to do introductions. And that girl starts yelling at me something about how I was graduating soon and she has another year with Josh in college and that I should "loosen the leash." HUH? I remember laughing at her and giving her a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look. She tries to PUNCH me....a swing...and a miss. I remember laughing at her again and giving her a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look...again. She gets her balance and takes another swing at me.... a swing....and another miss. I put my arm up to pop HER one (and I know I wouldn't miss)...and the bouncer grabbed me and picked me up in the air....and then throws ME out of the bar. Josh and I left and went home. Seriously....that was the last time I remember ever seeing or talking to that girl until Friday. Josh started doing his own laundry...and that was that. Weird. Girls are crazy.

It's tough to find good help

I just had this girl call me at my desk and say, "Hi, I am calling to get a job."

And I said, "Well, OK, what kind of work are you looking for? And do you know that you called a radio station?"

She said, "Yes. I need a job. I have computer skills. But I am only 13 and no one will hire me because of that. But I had a job last year."

And I said, "Well, if you are only 13, maybe an office environment is not the best idea for you. Maybe a mall?"

She hung up on me. Sweet. I was actually gonna try and help her and talk to her about good options for her. Oh well.

Ahem....you live in America NOW!

Today in most big cities there was a march or parade in support of immigration from Mexico to the United States. I am extremely opinionated on this subject. I am sure you are shocked that I have an opinion and will share it. LOL! OK... here I go. I know which one of my friends will tell me that I am being shallow on this subject after reading this...but this is my opinion.

Parade: OK....I made the huge mistake of making an appointment out of the office today. As I walked downtown to my meeting...I ran smack into the parade. Thousands of people in white t-shirts waving the flag of Mexico (a few American flags too) shouting/chanting in SPANISH. Wha? If you are trying to make a point and give US a message....then WHY are you speaking in Spanish? We speak ENGLISH here. Well except for them.

Paperwork: I am ok with people coming to America legally. Fill out the paperwork get a greencard and welcome to the USA. Learn to speak English, put your kids in school, get a job, get health insurance and pay into our taxes/social security, file your yearly income taxes and I am happy to have you here.

Health Insurance: Now I realize that there are many Americans that are un/under insured, and we have systems in place to make sure that they receive healthcare. Shit happens to good people...and sometimes people need help. But the vast number of illegals here are putting a strain on this system. A system that they have never paid into...just took from. Health care is expensive, yes, but part of the reason why it's expensive for those of us who PAY for it...is that there are millions of people, mostly illegals, who are tapping into the system. What came first...the chicken or the egg?

Our Economy: The illegals who actually work here then take the money that they make HERE and instead of putting it back into our economy, they send it back to Mexico to help their economy. But then use our services and health care for free.

English: I am so sick and tired of hearing about legislation that we must translate everything into Spanish. Learn to speak English. Period.

Ludicrous: My friend's daughter got into a serious car accident with an illegal. It wasn't her fault....it was his fault. She was ok...But her car was totaled. HE was hurt pretty badly and his car was toast. Because he was illegal and didn't have car insurance, HER insurance had to pay for the entire accident...including his health care....because...you guessed it...he didn't have health insurance either. If he was an American citizen...he would have gone to jail &/or to court for no car insurance and would have had to pay back any damages. Nope. He got off scott-free. He never had to go to court or pay a cent back. PLUS, he got money back from HER car insurance for his car. WHA? So the law abiding American citizen took it in the pants. Sweet.

Education: My friend who is a teacher told me that a ridiculous amount of money, time and resources go into educating the ESL kids, English as a Second Language. Teachers have to essentially run 2 different classrooms teaching to the English speaking and the Spanish speaking kids. Therefore, she feels that her English speaking kids aren't getting the education they need or deserve because she has to spend 3/4 of her time dealing with the Spanish speaking kids. She said that 99.9% of her ESL kids are on free lunch. More and more money pumped into a group of people who aren't working to give back.

I am just floored by the entitlement issues displayed by these illegals. Floored. This parade today just made me shake my head.

I am not going to just rant without giving my ideas for a solution. I know that it is expensive to get citizenship here. My dear friend from England spent thousands of dollars on visas to live and work here (even though she was married to an American citizen). I think this is part of the problem. I believe if it was free and easy to apply and receive citizenship this would be a step in the right direction. I believe that we need to police our boarders. I believe that we need to deport people living here without a green card. I believe that we need to monitor businesses to make sure that all employees are legal American citizens. I believe that we should never translate another ballot or advertisement to Spanish.... they need to learn our language to live here. Make them file for taxes...with the same penalties and laws as American citizens face. I think we need to make the changes to the greencard system and give all illegal 60 days from TODAY to get their greencard. Set up greencard/immigration/paperwork stations at the malls or online and make it easy. After July 1st, 2006, if someone is found without their greencard or drivers license, put them in jail. If they can't produce a greencard or legal US I.D. in 48 hours.... ship them back to Mexico or where ever they came from. Same goes for ME...if I can't show proper ID...I go to jail too. It's time to be responsible. I realize my ideas are only ONE step...that there are many more problems here that need attention. It's just time for action.

Something needs to be done. If we just ignore this enormous problem...then soon America will be worse than the country they fled.

Take Your Daughter to Work Day

About 7 years ago I "dated" my friend Gina's brother Mike for about 2 years. When we started dating he was recently divorced and had his 2 year old daughter 50% of the time. His daughter and I were thick as thieves. When we broke up...I missed her more than my relationship. I still see her once in a while because I am still friends with Mike's sister.

Cut to last Friday. My cell phone rings. It's Mike. He was calling to invite me to play volleyball with the family for Gina's birthday AND to ask me if his daughter could come to work with me this Friday for Take Your Daughter to Work Day. When no sound was coming from my end of the phone, he started into this long explanation of how she loves radio and wants to be in radio like me. Two emotions filled my body. One. Anger! WTF? Why does he want ME to bring his daughter to work like she's my kid? Two. Ouch! I feel a pang of longing in my heart. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed that little girl. Humpf.

I am out of town Thursday-Sunday....otherwise I would have done it (I think). I told Mike that we could schedule a time to have her come in and I could give her a tour and talk to her about college and how to get into radio. I would do this for her....not Mike.

Hola Miss America

I went out with Danny (from the 4 hour and 15 minute phone conversation post) on Friday. It was a great time. I had set my Ghetto TiVo (a.k.a my VCR) to record Deal or No Deal before I left. When I got home, I watched DOND and then right after that was The Miss America contest. I really like the Evening Gown and the Final Question part of the competition so I was fast forwarding thru the other crap. I could really really do without the little vinyettes of the contestants 3 inches from the camera all doe-eyed saying, "Hello, I am Suzy-Q from Georgia, and I love to workout, play with my dog and practice putting on make-up." Anyway. I got to the musical entertainment part of the show.... ahem....it was a SPANISH speaking group. SPANISH! ALL IN SPANISH at the Miss America competition. Is this odd to anyone else? I laughed my ass off then said outloud, "Luuuuucy, yous gots some 'splainin' to do!" (Ricky Ricardo) Haha!

Nicole

When Em and I were roommates, we had the dumbest roommate ever. EVER. Our roomie Jenn was moving in with her boyfriend and we needed a 3rd person to live with us. Since we lived close to the DU campus...we thought we would advertise for a DU grad student to be our roomie. We got an applicant that we both liked. She had just returned from the Peace Corp and was a Poli Sci Grad Student. OK. Here we go. We asked her over for some drinks to "interview" her. Nicole showed up at our house. Pretty. Outgoing. Rich a la mom and dad. SOLD. Nicole moved in and instantly Em and I realized....shit. She's NOT smart. Pretty. NOT smart. This girl was sooo rich that every little thing in her life up until now was done by "staff"...she had NO street or common smarts at all.

Here are a couple examples.

Em and I were sitting on the couch and we hear Nicole crashing around in the bathroom. She walks out with a lightbulb in her hand. She looked at us and said that she wasn't sure how to put a new lightbulb in. OK OK...the joke...how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb comes to mind. I can tell you the punchline....ONE blonde....ME!

Nicole had lived with us for weeks when this happened. Nicole was in the shower and she came out and said, "Guys, I think there is a leak in the shower." Concerned, Emily and I go into the bathroom and ask her why she thinks there is a leak. She explains that the floor in the bathroom always gets so wet when she takes a shower. Em looks and notices that she has the shower curtain on the OUTSIDE of the tub. She pushes the shower curtain in....in total frustration...and tells her that the curtain goes INSIDE the tub. I laughed outloud...in a YOU DUMB ASS... kind of tone....and walked out of the bathroom. In the coming days...the water damage from our GED hopeful's shower habits caused the ceiling to fall into the basement. Sweet.

This is my favorite Nicole story. Em and I were sitting in the living room. Nicole walks out and says, "Did you know that the price of stamps went up one cent?" We both reply "Yes" in unison without taking our eyes off of the TV. Nicole then replies...in total frustration "I just spend $40 on stamps and they were totally wasted. I threw them in the trash." Em and I nod at her and give her understanding looks. Then once Nicole walks out of the room. I say to Em, "are you thinking what I am thinking?" Without another word, we both jumped up and fished her $40 of "wasted" stamps out of the trash and split them between us.... laughing maniacally the whole time.

Emily is the sweetest girl I have ever met...and never wanted to kick Nicole out. I did. Emily left for an 8-week Archeological dig in Peru. I kicked Nicole out within 48 hours of her departure. B-bye. See ya nut case! After Nicole moved out she came back into the house and took the lids off of all of the condiments in the fridge and all of my hair products. Since I knew that she was a nut case...I just threw all of that stuff out out of fear that she had messed with my stuff. Yes, I was out some serious cash...but couldn't take a chance that my hair would fall out. I changed the locks and slept really well that night.

7 years ago today....

.... I was sitting at my desk just slammed with work. I was having the kind of day that people write horror movies about. Bad. And I was crank-y! I had my office door shut, my phone on "Do Not Disturb", blaring a CD, ignoring my cell phone. I was too busy and needed to focus. When my office was door closed (at my old station) it didn't look like I was there. I noticed that my office phone kept ringing and ringing...and the number of voicemails were racking up faster than usual.

Finally I picked up one of the calls. I growled through my teeth, "This is Emily."

Without saying hello, I hear, "Tell me that your sister doesn't go to Columbine." It was my friend Matt who worked at the local News Talk radio station.

"No she goes to Alameda, why?"

"Oh God, you haven't heard Em. Right now there is a horrible shoot out at Columbine going on. Something like 6 or 7 are confirmed dead and the gunmen are still in there shooting," Matt said.

I froze. Chills. "Oh God Matt, I have 3 of my girls (girls that I was coaching) and my high school softball coach in there (he was the Athletic Director). I gotta go. Call you later. Call me with updates." I hung up.

I walk out of my office into the hall to find people crying and huddled around the TV. I am in shock. I go back to my office and call all 3 of my girls at home and leave messages to call me. The first girl to call me back is Crystal. She is bawling and shaking as she tells me what she saw. She was one of the kids that was helped out of the building by the teacher who was killed. She saw him get shot. We talked for about 30 minutes. I was bawling too. I walk back out into the hallway and tell some friends that I tracked down one of my girls. One of our Program Directors overheard me and said that CBS (our parent company) was calling to see if they could get a phone interview with one of the kids inside Columbine when it happened. I agreed to call Crystal's parents and see if they would allow her to do this. Crystal wanted to talk. She wanted the world to know what was going on. She was on a CBS tv feed all over the nation. It was hard to hear her voice on the tv. I spent the next 10 hours securing grief counselors to come into the studios the next day and take phone calls from the public. It was hard to move. It was hard to still work. My ears were ringing non-stop and I felt numb. I wanted to go home so bad. I get word that one of my high school buddy's little sister was killed. She was the one who told the killers that God would forgive them...seconds before they shot her. It was horrible....horrible.

All of my girls and my high school coach got out alive...but not ok...mentally not ok.

I finally got home around midnight from work. My boyfriend at the time, Alex, was waiting there for me. He is from Kansas City and didn't have a real concept on how close to home this was for me. He asked me where Columbine was located. I said, "Remember when we went to my Grandparents for Thanksgiving? Columbine is 3 blocks away from their house." He was floored. He didn't realize it was so close.

The next day I got up super early to get into the station to coordinate the grief counselors. I was sitting at a light in my car. One of the radio stations had taken that song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan and added clips of the news coverage from the Columbine tragedy inbetween the words to the song. I started bawling. The kind of cry where your chin quivers and you can't help but wail outloud. I slammed my hand on the steering wheel. I looked at the guy in the car next to me. He was crying just as hard as I was. We tried to give each other a look of unspoken encouragement. I will never forget the look on his face.

I can't believe it's been 7 years.

I'm in a mood

I have been working my ass of this week and all last week. Non-stop. From the second I arrive...until the second I jump in my car to head to softball practice. Coaching that little 7 year old girls softball team started for me 2 weeks ago and getting used to the schedule has been tough. Anyway....work work work. Galore! I was busting my ass all day because I had plans to meet my friend Ali for dinner and drinks. I even skipped my yoga class. Well she canceled...for a good reason...but she canceled. So now I am sitting at my desk CRANKING out work and blaring my stereo. I am the only one here....it's almost 6 pm. I am listening to Dave Matthews Live at Red Rocks CD set. I was at that show (well at least one night)...so once in a while I wonder if that scream was me. I am a total dork I know. Ha. I am just in the mood for some LOUD music....LOUD Dave! I have listened to one of my favorite songs "Say Goodbye" about 4 times. Sometimes I get in the mood to hear the same song over and over again. This song is about 2 friends who have other lives and lovers...but for one night they will be lovers...and tomorrow...they say goodbye....and go back to being friends. Anyway.... over and over again. Just in a mood.

Dave Matthews is coming back in town in Sept. I got 4 tickets through my friend at the concert company again. I got sweeeeet seats again. I am in section 127. OK. Basically my seats are one level up from the floor...just to the right of the stage....7 rows up. I will be able to see the sweat on Dave's face. YAY! My friend hooks me up because I don't ask for favors often, I always send him a thank you card with a gift and I send him random stuff we get at the station for no reason. It's all about taking care of the hand that feeds you Dave tickets. Ha.

A Peep's Purpose

Four of my staff members just came back to the office from an event...they were laughing and being louder than usual. They asked me if I wanted to see a science experiment....and then laughed even harder. OK I'm game. They said that if you put one of those disgusting marshmallow Peeps from Easter in the microwave for about 25 seconds...it will expand and get all big...but keep it's shape. We all laughed and paraded into the kitchen. The mother-instinct in me said, "If it explodes, you have to clean it up." Sure enough...it expanded and looked like a huge Peep for about 6 seconds and then turned into a huge blob. Still...we cracked up. Ahhh... free is my favorite kind of entertainment.

At least now I have a purpose for those yucky Peeps if I ever get them for Easter again. Because I sure as hell won't eat one...not even on a bet. Blech.

This Blog's for you!

Here is a secret shout-out to my dear friend whom I love very much. I know that this weekend is tough for you every year. Just know, that you are in my thoughts and prayers...always...but especially this weekend. *HUGS*

Easter

This year for Easter, we were at my aunt's house...my mom's sis. Judy is such a great cook and her home is always so warm and inviting. The only thing that bugs me...and it shouldn't bug me but it does...is that there are always strangers at every holiday at her house. Strangers. That is a not-so-nice way to put it...but I don't know these people....no one but my aunt or my uncle know these people (and most of the time my uncle doesn't know 'em either.) Now, don't get me wrong.....I bring my friends to holidays. So does my sis....but everyone KNOWS our friends. Judy just invites any random person...not necessarily a friend, who she hears doesn't have plans for the holidays. I swear...if she was in King Soopers and overheard someone saying they didn't have plans for a holiday....that person would be sitting next to me at the table. This holiday was no different. There were 2 random teenagers who insisted on making out in front of everyone and this guy named Bruce there. I come to find out later that one of the 2 teenagers is a wayyy distant cousin of mine. Oh. Hum. And the guy Bruce goes to their church. He looks to be about 50-ish and he rides a motorcycle....BUT he dresses like a 50 year old guy. I hope that makes sense...but he just screams "mid-life crisis" and told me 3 times that he rode his motorcycle here.

"I rode my motorcycle here because it's so nice out."

"I better put my leather jacket on before I leave, even though it's so warm out...for safety on my motorcycle."

"I hope my motorcycle didn't block the driveway for you."

At one point I rolled my eyes....and my dad totally caught me and laughed. I got a sick feeling that Bruce had the hots for me. Anyway.

Even with the random people at Easter....it was lovely to see my family. I sat with my Grandpa for hours and listened to him tell story after story. I have heard most of the stories before...but I love hearing him tell them. He tells them the same way time after time. Like he's reading his life story from a book inside of his head. Cherished moments for sure.

Natalie and Danny didn't show and didn't call. I could tell that it hurt my Mom's feelings. I think that she thinks that people judge her when her kids are inconsiderate. Maybe they do. I don't. Natalie is an adult and needs to be more respectful. RSVP. RSVP. It means Respondez S'il Vous Plait. Simply translated RESPOND. Respond YES. Respond NO. Respond MAYBE. Just FREAKING Respond.

4 hours and 15 minutes

Briana has been telling me forEVER that she wanted to set me up with her friend Danny. I really really don't like my friends to set me up. So, I never really pushed her to give him my number because so far everytime a friend has set me up.... I came home from the date and called that friend and said, "Hi, have you MET me before? What did you think I would see in that guy?"

Here's one example. My friend set me up with this guy named Grant. She said he has a great smile, is super cool and was a Firefighter. Sounds great huh? I was still living with Emily at the Gaylord house when this happened. I heard the doorbell. I heard Maggie bark. I heard Emily talk to him (sounded like the adults on Charlie Brown cartoons). She came downstairs and her eyes looked like a deer in the headlights. All she could say was, "I'm sorry" and she kinda giggled and put her hand on my shoulder. Crap...right? We had a good laugh. OK. I go upstairs and this guy is maybe 5'3", really really really skinny and white...and dressed from head to toe in cowboy gear. Yup, a white 10-gallon hat, Wranglers (so tight I don't think he could put his hands in his pockets) and shit-kickers. Gulp. Sooooo not my type. Anyway, we went to dinner and he brought me home. I wanted to kick my friends ass. Haahah!

So NOW, when people tell me they want to set me up with some friend of theirs...my new question is...."If you were single, would YOU date him?" Amazingly, the answers are almost always....no. Folks, just because someone is single, around my age and of the opposite sex....doesn't mean we will hit it off.

Cut back to Briana wanting to set me up with Danny. I asked her why she doesn't date him (since she is single too). She said that she dated his friend and he's not really her type...but really believes that I would like him. Good enough for me. I tell her late last week to give him my home phone number. He called on Monday. We talked for.... (insert drum roll here).... 4 hours and 15 minutes. I haven't done that since high school. Hahaha! We'll see what happens there...but thumbs up to Briana... she may have gotten the set-up blind date right.

Put Up or SHUT Up

I was just with a friend of mine who bitches non-stop about her job. During work hours she is incapable of talking about anything else. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. If it's not one thing...it's another. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. It makes me crazy. And the stories and the things she is bitching about are not THAT bad. Come on....you can't be a victim everyday.

Today, I lost it. She was bitching and I said, "you know, I have friends at nearly every other radio group....and it is 25 times worse. I am so sick of hearing people bitch and moan. If it sucks so bad.... find another job." She got all hurt. Listen. If you HATE your job....find another one. I have no respect for people who bitch about anything that they can change....and don't...just bitch about it. If you hate your job...find a new one. If your husband is a jerk.... either get counseling or leave him...don't bitch all of the time. If you are sick of being fat....work out and take that donut out of your mouth...or shut the hell up. Sick of being single...don't do anything to meet people? I don't feel bad for you at all. It's all about action.

Don't get me wrong. I am here for my friends....I want to hear about your joys and sorrows. I will listen if you have a bad day at work. I will listen if you and your spouse get in a fight. I will try and comfort you if you are feeling bad about yourself that day...and just need a kind word. I will DO that. HOWEVER, if all you can do is be a negative energy source day after day after day....then find someone else to bitch to. Because this BITCH is done. It's time to put up or shut up.

Baby Ryder

My friends just had their first baby (a boy) on March 23rd. Today I got an email from the dad on their son's delivery. It is such a well written and inspiring story...that I thought I would share. I hope it is as wonderful to others as it was to me....maybe you have to know Ryder's parents to really understand.

Just a quick snapshot of the parents. They are the kind of couple that people stop to look at when they walk in the room. They are both gorgeous and have this amazing energy around them. Ryder's mom is petite with a perfect body, long wavy blonde hair, a warm heart, very smart, great sense of humor and a loud & contagious laugh. Ryder's dad is around 6'5", blonde hair that looks like he belongs on a surf board than a court room, well dressed, funny, smart-ass and very handsome. I have never heard either say a bad word about anyone and they always have a good time. Anyway....this story made me smile and tear up. Enjoy.

For the record, just so you all know, here's how it went down: Richele drank castor oil for lunch on March 23rd after having tried every other method, known and unknown, to induce labor. I went to the club after work to play some racquetball and got home around 8. We put a movie in and at exactly 10:30 starting timing the contractions that were about 4 minutes apart and didn't seem to be stopping. I just figured that's what happens when you drink four ounces of castor oil, and didn't really think too much of it until 11:30 when the contractions were now approximately two minutes apart and definitely weren't stopping. I grabbed our bags, put them in the car, looked around for the keys for the next ten minutes, walked Richele out our icy back steps and we took off for the hospital. (Rich, I only blew one red light and didn't get pulled over I'm sorry to say) We got to the hospital around 11:45 and I filled out some paperwork while Richele was doubled-over in pain. They finally brought a wheelchair and pushed her down the hall to labor/delivery room #3. They told us the anesthesiologist would be in shortly, so I put on some Foo Fighters, got Richele some "ice chips" (apparently what hospitals call ice cubes), and proceeded to endure some fingernails-digging-into-my-arms pain of my own for the next half hour. Around 12:30, the nurse came back in and told us the anesthesiologist had been called to an emergency c-section for twins, and would be unavailable for an hour. The nurse hooked Richele up with a fentanyl IV drip that stopped some of the pain, but definitely not all. At this point, Richele was about 5 cm dilated and in more pain than any human should ever be in. She finally got the epidural around 1:30 or 2, and at that moment I wished the guy who invented the epidural was around so I could shake his hand. Richele went to "sleep" for a little while after that, and things seemed to be progressing nicely. When the sun started coming up, Richele was dilated to around 6 cm and the doctors thought that ryder might be sideways or something, so they put some probes directly into his head and gave Richele some pitocin to help create stronger contractions. I think it was around this time that Richele and I counted no less than six tubes/probes/needles/catheters coming out of her body, not to mention the oxygen mask and periodic blood draws during the entire ordeal. Of course,> we figured this was either perfectly normal...or they just knew I was an attorney. Around 9:30, they said we could either wait to see if she would continue dilating or could go in for surgery. Since Ryder's and Richele's heart rates and blood pressure were dropping during and after every contraction, we decided the best thing to do was to get him out as quickly as possible and not risk the health of either of them. At about 10:00, they prepped her for surgery and put me in a one-piece suit (that was far too short in the torso and gave me a wicked camel-toe). At 10:10 we were in the operating room, I was right next to Richele's head, with my hair net and face mask on, and the surgeon called out the time of the incision. At 10:12, I head them say, "there's his head," and I peeked around the surgical tent and saw Ryder's head - the most surreal, amazing, and beautiful thing I've ever seen. They pulled him out, cut the cord, wiped him off, wrapped him up, put a hat on him, and handed him to me. I laid him down on Richele's chest and the three of us just stared for the next ten minutes. Dr. Shultze and Dr. Grah are two amazing surgeons who did a fantastic job. In fact, other doctors in the hospital were coming in to see their work because apparently it was one of the better procedures ever done. There were no stitches or anything showing - just a tiny line with some antiseptic ointment on it. Pretty amazing really. Then they wheeled us into the recovery room and Ryder started eating right away. At this point, I probably should have started calling everyone, but c'mon... Richele had to wait until around 5:00 before she got into her own room (oddly, it was a very busy day and all the doctors kept asking what was going on in Denver 9 months ago to bring in so many babies all of a sudden). Mr. and Mama O. got in Thursday night with Nene and Jade and we all went back to the hospital first thing Friday morning. Normally, patients are required to stay at least three days after surgery, but since we're talking about Richele, and not a normal patient, we all came home on Saturday afternoon and things have been great since. She's healing nicely and has been running up and down the stairs, picking up Jade (bad Richele), breastfeeding, showering, and laughing a lot. Ryder and I watched some great basketball games on Saturday and Sunday - he seems to be a big George Mason fan for some reason. I got into work around 10 today, and things seem a little different here. All the screaming and yelling and complaining and whining and bitching and crying that I deal with on a daily basis all seems like it's a bit more distant today. Priorities have changed. I actually have a smile on my face. I'm in my office and I'm smiling. This kid has already changed my life. I can't stop looking at his picture! Can't wait for all of you to meet him in person. See you soon.

Bad Dog

Last night I had a bad dream about my college softball coach. I dreamt that she kicked me off the team at the beginning of my senior year, and I was trying to get the Athletic Department to honor my scholarship through my senior year because my coach is crazy as a shit-house rat. Now that part of the dream was all made up...that didn't happen in real life (well except for the crazy as a shit-house rat...that was true.) However, in my dream during this investigation by the Athletic Department....all of the horrific stories of crappy things she did to me... were 100% true. I dreamt I was in some room with a bright light having to re-live those true things she did to me. I think I had this dream because I told my parents last night at dinner that I was going back to a college reunion at the end of April

Let me just get this right out in the open by saying my college coach HATED me. Our team mascot was the Bulldogs. My team lovingly called me BAD DOG. Anyway.

Here's one of the true stories. Flashback to 1991. My freshman year. My coach comes into practice in a really bad mood. Since it's still winter outside, we are practicing inside the Field House. Coach decides to line us all up in a single file line and one at a time rapid fire sharp ground balls at us....one right after the other....about 15 in a row. If you missed ONE...or over-threw the base, you had to go to the back of the line and do it again. Certain players really struggled with this. I didn't. I picked up everything she shot at me....and threw it to the base perfectly....which worked her up into this nasty frenzy. She told me that I got to do it again....so I went to the back of the line and waited my turn. When it was my turn again she told me to move up about 5 feet closer to her...so that the balls would be harder and faster. Fine. And this time instead of keeping them reasonably close to me...she was firing them to my wide right....then to my wide left.... over and over. I was driving for the ball, picking it up and throwing it to the base. Over and over again. Well, my horrible left knee gave out on me and I fell to the ground. I tried and tried to get up...but my knee wouldn't hold up. Coach didn't stop firing ground balls at me.... the balls were hitting me over and over again....in the face, in the back, in the leg. Everywhere. My team was standing there in amazement. Our trainer Frank was trying to get to me to help me up and to look at my knee...and she was even hitting HIM with balls. Finally he screamed at her to stop. She freaked and threw the bat and screamed for me to get the hell out of there. Gladly. I grabbed my stuff and left. I called my parents....balling hysterically. Only dogs and dolphins would able to understand the squeaky voice. LOL. They told me I could quit if I wanted to. The CSU coach still wanted me to come up there and play...full ride. I cried all night. I loved my school. I loved my teammates. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want that BITCH to win.

The next day, I went to coach's office to talk to her. She screamed at me for about 15 minutes and threw a file of about 500 player profiles on her desk, who according to her, wanted my scholarship. She screamed some more. I just sat there quiet. After she was done ranting. She asked me what I wanted. I said, "I want to go to practice." She yelled "FINE!" I said "FINE!" And I showed up at practice. And she ignored me....for weeks.

Two days later I got a huge packet in the mail from my parents. It was my scholarship offer, my application for enrollment (all filled out) and a check for moving expenses and my first few months rent in Ft. Collins. I took a thumb tack and hung it on my wall. That packet was my inspiration. I hung it up on the wall every year after that.... the day that I graduated...I took it down and threw it away. I had won.

Years later I was back in Des Moines for a college reunion. A bunch of my teammates and I were getting our nails done at a salon owned by a woman who was married to a man who was a huge financial donor to the college. Hell, our softball field was named after him. My teammates started teasing me and calling me BAD DOG. We were all laughing as they were telling stories of horrible things that coach did to me. The woman who owned the salon looked at me after about 5 stories and said, "Emily is this all true?" I said, "Yes, and this is just the beginning." She replied, "Well, I don't think Ron would donate money to a program with a coach like that." I shrugged. A month later a huge investigation into her conduct was done. She was fired shortly after. She got hers....and I got mine. I got a free education and friends for a lifetime.

I WON!

I won the NCAA March Madness Pool at work. I got $135. It would have been more...but they awarded a 2nd and 3rd place prizes. Which is cool with me. YAY! I made an appointment to get a highlight and haircut today with my winnings. Weeeee!

Ears are ringing

I just walked downstairs to the basement parking garage in my building at work. I was carrying my new (heavy) desktop tower to my car. I look over at the crowd gathered around this piece of shit car...it starts smoking....BAD. Then this girl opens the hood...the car engine is ON FIRE. I stopped...and froze....my heart hurt...and my ears started ringing.... felt like I was gonna faint. It was that same feeling you get milla-seconds before a car accident. The flames were shooting up so high out of the car's engine. This other guy was standing there with a fire extinguisher....thank God. He put out the fire...and all I could say was "is it out?" Man...that car could of exploded so easily. Deep breathes.

Strike Three...You're OUT!

My drive to work this morning was ridiculous. There are 3 major reasons why.

Strike ONE. The RTD drivers announced a strike yesterday and only 50% of the buses are running....so more commuters.

Strike TWO. There were RTD picketers everywhere...and of course... drivers have to rubber-neck to look at them.

Strike THREE. Today is Opening Day for the Rockies. So...there are a ton of people coming downtown to party...who from my guess...don't come downtown much. I am thinking this because there were a ton of people driving slow and leaning in to look at street signs. Many idiots changing lanes at the last minute...and a ton of people trying to parallel park....who haven't done that since their driving test.

Never fear...I made it to work in one piece.... just 15 minutes late.